(Closed) To ask or leave alone? (rsvp)

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
5428 posts
Bee Keeper

Just wait for it to come in the mail…. no worries, you are not going anyways.

Post # 5
2105 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I’d wait… you never know if they had to make guest list cutbacks or if anything else has changed.  If your invite got lost in the mail, they’ll contact you at some point anyway to ask why you haven’t rsvp’d, and then you can say the invite never showed up.  That actually happened to a friend of mine!

Post # 6
382 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

Maybe try sending him an email letting him know that you were thinking about them and their wedding  and checking your finances and you realized that you just won’t be able to afford it, but thanks anyways. This way, if they’ve already sent the invite but it just got lost in the mail, you’re covered. Also, if they got back and decided against inviting you (for whatever reason) after already mentioning it to you, everyone can breathe a sigh of relief and no awkward harm was done.

Post # 7
35 posts
  • Wedding: June 2012

I don’t know how long it’s been since this invite was “alledgedly” sent and how far it has to travel.  If you think it’s been long enough I’d shoot him an email and say something like … It was great seeing you guys the other day.  I was touched that you thought of me to join in on your special day! … I am not sure if you sent the invite yet as I have not received it, but in any case I wanted to offer you my most sincere apologies since I will not be able to attend … blah blah blah I would like to give you a token towards your new life regardless.  Please let me know where you have registered…


Post # 8
2616 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

You don’t have a choice but to wait. Asking about it is a breach of etiquette (sorry) because you’d either be forcing them to admit that they were just being polite and didn’t want to invite you, or that their finances changed, or you’d be weaseling your way into the wedding (which you dont’ want to do, period, but especially if you know you’re not going to go!) None of these are acceptable. And I hate to say it, but if you talked to the male Fiance, it’s *somewhat* common for the Fiance to be like, “oh we’re inviting the WORLD!” when their wife-to-be has to put the smack down. DO NOT email them and DO NOT ask about registries–that makes you seem passive-agressive. 

But chances are, if they’re anything like us on the ‘bee, they’ll call YOU once they realize you’re not on the RSVP list. 

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