Post # 1
I’ve been debating about my 6th BM. She is my pseudo cousin. We’ve been bouncing in and out of each other’s lives since we were kids. We’ve gone through many stages when we’ve been close and haven’t. It seems as if we’re in the not so close stage. I’ve spoken to her more often when I lived across the world than I do now only 40mins away. When I got engaged (also on my birthday) she refused to come and hang out and did not have a good excuse. I haven’t seen her in 6 months and attempt to try and meet up have been unsuccessful from her bailing last minute.
Bottom line is that I can’t ignore that she’s been an integral part of my life. But right now, I’m so upset with the fact she has no care for me to be in her life. What would you do?
Post # 3
I wouldn’t ask her to be a BM. I have a male cousin like that. When we live thousands of miles away we talk and email all the time, when we lived 20 minutes away I almost had to make an appointment to see him. I adore him, he’s like my twin, we lived together a lot as kids, but I’m not having him in my wedding party. (which will piss off my mom but whatever she’ll get over it).
Have you thought about asking her to do a reading for your ceremony? That’s still really special but not as dependent as a BM.
Post # 4
It sounds like you answered your own question and in your gut you don’t think she should be your BM. And if you think about it, you’ll have another person to have to coordinate things with and it will be hard enough with 5, much less 6 girls. On the other hand, maybe if she is in your bridal party, maybe it will bring you closer again?
Post # 5
I don’t think she deserves to be a bridesmaid. Perhaps give her a smaller duty so she’s honored by helping with the wedding (a reading maybe or handing out programs or something of that nature) and give her a corsage to wear but I think asking her to be a BM is a huge honor that isn’t really appropriate giving the situation
Post # 6
I think when people are farther away, they don’t take each other for granted. If you live close together, it seems like you kind of have it in the back of your mind that the person is always there. (But somehow don’t usually get motivated to see them.) At least that’s what happens to me. I live OOT from family and feel like (with visits) that I see them more than they see each other, being in town. It also reminds me of how tourists will go to a city and catch all the major tourists sites, but the natives to the city somehow never make it there.
Anyway, so your friend "refused" to go to your engagement/birthday party? Was she just busy, or did she really make a stink? It could be the same old jealousy thing. Does she have a bf, or husband? I’m guessing either she’s single and not dating, or she’s been dating someone for a while (who hasn’t proposed yet.) If she is jealous and doesn’t even want to hear about your wedding, I don’t think she can easily handle being a BM.
If you are feeling like you don’t want to ask her, don’t bother. If it hurts you that you haven’t stayed connected, and would otherwise like to ask her, maybe you can talk to her and reonnect. Maybe whether or not you keep a friendship going, is more important than whether or not she’s a BM.