(Closed) To Break or Not To Break

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
  • poll: Should we take a Break?
    yes, sometimes it works and you're at your wit's end : (14 votes)
    16 %
    maybe, but sometimes a break turns into a break up : (13 votes)
    15 %
    no, breaks don't fix what's broken : (19 votes)
    22 %
    no, I personally hate the idea of breaks and find them assinine : (13 votes)
    15 %
    I don't understand why you don't just end it already? : (28 votes)
    32 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    9631 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2012

    You’ve been so miserable in this relationship according to all your posts.  Big hugs!!  I think you should definitely take a break.  Give yourself some time to clear your head and imagine your life heading in a new, happier and healthier direction – without him.

    Post # 5
    Member
    9631 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2012

    @fingerscrossed:  Doesn’t sound great.  I’m sorry you’re so sad.  But a year is long enough to wait for him to get off the fence.  I think he’s telling you without telling you.  A lot of times men don’t want to be the bad guy and break off a relationship – and you have to go by their actions.  His actions are telling you everything you need to know.  Stop wasting your life on waiting for this guy.  You’re still young – there’s life to be lived!!

    Post # 6
    Member
    6745 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2014

    I just read another one of your posts.  Before I vote, I have a few questions.

    You guys have only been dating for a little over a year?

    He asked you to move in with him and you said no?  Why?

    Why are you guys LDR right now?  What is keeping you guys from living in the same place?

    Why is getting married so important to you?

    Post # 7
    Member
    4755 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    breaks = breakups I voted breakup.

    Post # 8
    Member
    1382 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    Breaks are never good! Breaks equal “break up”, a lot of the time.  The only things that breaks accomplish are making both parties miserable and stalling the inevitable.  

    You need to really talk things out. Figure out why he’s not ready for marriage.  Is he just not in the mindset or does he have other goals he wanted to accomplish first..?  If you really love this man, you shouldn’t be so quick to make rash decisions.  The truth may or may not hurt, but at least you will have peace of mind knowing why. 

    Post # 10
    Member
    6745 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2014

    @fingerscrossed:  Do you feel insecure in the relationship without a ring or a wedding certificate?  Like – if he proposed, would you feel secure in the direction that it was going?  Or would it be enough for him to just say that he wants to marry you, but isn’t ready to propose just yet?  Is the issue only that he’s not discussing the future?  Or is the issue that he won’t get you a ring?

    Now, you guys haven’t really been dating that long.  I don’t think that a year is necessarily long enough for everyone to know whether they want to be with that person forever or not.  I think it really depends on the person and the relationship.  But, if you feel like in your relationship, it has been long enough for him to know where he sees the relationship going, then you know your relationship better than anyone else. 

    Personally, I wouldn’t take a break.  I’m either in it or out.  I don’t believe breaks help anything.  I would have a talk with him and it would go something like this:

    I see a future with you.  If you see one with me, I need to know it.  If you don’t, I need to know that, too.  I need to know where you see this is heading.  Where do you see this relationship heading?  Where do you see yourself in the next few years?  Where do you see us in the next few years? .. etc. 

    Then, if he can’t discuss the future with you, I would say something like this:

    Since you can’t give me an answer, I need to do what’s best until you have an answer, which is leave you to figure things out for yourself.  If you come back and decide that you do see a future with me, maybe I’ll still be around and maybe we’ll get back together.  But, maybe I won’t be.  I’m not going to promise anything because I don’t know what will happen.  I can’t sit around here and wait for you to make up your mind about whether or not you want to be with me.  When you figure it out, let me know.  If we were meant to be, then when you figure it out, we’ll be.  And if we weren’t meant to be, then when you figure it out, it’ll have been too late. 

    And that’s that.  If you want an answer about where you see the relationship is going, then he should be able to give that to you.  And if he can’t, then you need to break up with him and move on.  If he comes back to you and at that point you still want to be with him, that’s another story.  But in the meantime, don’t wait around for him.  If you break up with him because he can’t discuss the relationship with you like a mature adult, then that’s it – cut off all ties and move on until he comes around, if he ever does.  Don’t wait.  If you find someone else, date them.

    That’s my advice. 

    Post # 12
    Member
    2523 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: December 2012

    Hey girl.

    Yes, I said that in a Ryan Gosling voice.

    As one military GF to another, I am calling BS on his line of “Well, I’ve been single for so long that I just got so used to planning for just me blah blah blah.”

    Has he booked a ticket for you to see him? Him to see you? Did he discuss a timeline with you before he left? If not, that’s bullshit. I know how busy and unpredictable a military man can be…but if he truly wants you in his life, trust me, he is going to put you there.

    I’ve mentioned in other threads that my SO has been assigned to Korea, and will be leaving in April. He has already laid out the timeline for us. No more than 1 year of distance, and when he gets back, we are getting married. No ifs, ands, or buts. He has already booked a ticket in the summer when he knows he will have leave (thanks to emailing his new commander) so I can visit him. That’s a $1,128 ticket.

    You see where I”m going with this?

    A man will move the heavens to be with you if he wants you in his life.
    No job, career, busy schedule, etc will keep him from you (unless he’s deployed, but he will still make time to write you!)

    Go get a man that’s crazy about you, not giving you lame-ass excuses. Just my advice.

    Post # 13
    Member
    9631 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2012

    @Torrid:  +1 to everything you said.

    Post # 15
    Member
    6745 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2014

    @fingerscrossed:  I don’t know if I’m so quick to dismiss a guy whose actions are that he wants to be with you, but says he can’t discuss marriage because it scares him.  He’s just being honest.  Have you asked him what scares him about marriage?

    The topic ‘To Break or Not To Break’ is closed to new replies.

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