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I think you at least need a commitment from him, if not a ring. I mean if you both agree you are getting married, you ARE engaged, ring or not, right?
I know lots of people buy houses together before they're married but its such a huge commitment! I wouldn't do it before I was at least engaged.
If it is a good investment buy the house and seek seperate counsel. It is always smart to have your own lawyer even if you are eventually going to be married.
My FI and I bought a house two years before we got engaged!
The commitment was there and we wanted to get the house before we spent money on a ring and a wedding! But we were already living together and renting!
It is a very personal decision you guys need to talk it over together!
My boyfriend and I bought the house... well technically *he* bought the house.
We had to do some crazy which wiped out his savings, and I figure that there won't be any sort of shiny bauble until he's rebuilt his stash.
Then again, a long while ago the idea of pre-hitchery was brought up, and he said something along the lines of probably needing to be pressured into it, but I'm not one for pressuring... :/ Especially with the stash-rebuilding going on.
Anyway. When we were house/loans/insurance/??? shopping, I did most of the footwork while he was at work for the day. It got to the point where I gave up correcting the people I was talking to when they called him my husband/fiance.
We told them we were "doing it backwards", and that right now a place to live is more essential to living than a shiny bauble and the ensuing hullaballoo.
If the house is large enough, perhaps you could get it now, but live in separate bed/baths? It'd be like you were housemates! Sleepover in the living room!
I like to think we aren't engaged till there is a ring on my finger. I mean he says that we are getting married and we both agree that we want to get married June of 2010.
I'm just scared that this great house is going to pass us by. I definitely don't see us not getting married. But I promised myself that we would not live together until there was a ring on my finger... But now with this house, should I change my mind about moving and buying a house together??
Like Future Mrs. Martin, we bought a house like 1.5 years before we got engaged. It worked for us, but I know it won't work for everyone. I do agree with chirico that if you do decide to buy the house, make sure you are protecting yourself legally. We bought our house as equal partners and have equal rights to the property just in case anything happens.
I don't think you need to be engaged to get a house. You just need a solid commitment. Do you think he is stalling on proposing or just waiting for the perfect moment? Try talking to him to make sure he is committed to you. Just don't make an offer unless you are positive cause that's a large expense to get stuck with if things go sour.
i think it depends on whether you're comfortable with it, and your reasons for not wanting to live together before being engaged. my bf and i have talked about buying an apartment a couple times, and always decided to rent instead, only because i'm applying to grad school this year and depending where/if we move, it doesn't make sense to buy yet. but, depending on where we end up, we probably will buy a house or apartment next summer, whether or not we are engaged. but that's just us. if you have principles against living together before being engaged, that's not something to ignore if you aren't comfortable.
If you know the ring is coming, what's holding you back? You're talking maybe a couple of months in the big scheme of things. You could always buy the house but not technically live in it if you really don't want to live with him pre-ring.
Even so, you KNOW it's coming. If you're worried about your relationship going sour, honestly, it could happen WITH the ring on your finger, too. Make sure you have ample legal representation and the paperwork is done appropriately, not "oh it'll be ok; we're getting married in a year".
What's your qualm about living with him w/o a ring? If you both plan on getting married 6/2010, what makes you think he'd hold off on the ring if he's told you it's coming?
It's his grandmother... She's to put it nicely not a very nice woman. He already practically live with me. She's one of those women that would write you off of an inheritance for not mowing the grass right. I can't really explain her. But lets just say it would be easier to tell her me and Kelly are moving in together if there was a ring on my finger. We tried once a year ago to get an apartment together without the ring and she went balistic, she called me and told me that I was a controlling B**** and that I didn't deserve her grandson and that we wouldn't last another month. So needless to say I told Kelly that we could not move in together until there was a ring on my finger that way she knew that it was his desicion and not me making him do it. She's just not a woman that I want to be on bad terms with. She has a history...
I think I need to make a seperate blog on what to do with an insane Granny LOL.
I would suggest if possible that one person buys the house. I know how tempting it would be, but it can make for a "divorce" like break up if things did not work out. And if they do - it takes one to buy, and two to sell if you get married. (Not to sound pessimistic, in that I hope things work out for you, but its good to be smart about it). tough decisions!!
P.S. Kelly and I have been together for much longer than a month after that. LOL This woman is insane.
Some history on her both her ex-husbands mysteriously burned up in a fire... so like I said I don't want to be on her bad side.
Speak with an attorney. If one of the two of you buys the house, and the other contributes financially it could be a mess if you split up later on. Also if both of you buy the house how would the assets be divided (if needed). You are dealing with a large responsibility and with that should come safeguards. You must think of it as an investment in your future both money and relationship wise. There are always great houses, if you cannot commit to the house and the responsibilities that come with it then now is not the time to make that investment.
Everyone's advice is GREAT!! I think that since there is probably only a couple more months of waiting time for my ring, that I will wait. :o) and if this particular house is gone then it wasn't meant to be. who knows maybe it would be a sign that something was extremely wrong with it.
We're not engaged and don't have any plans to be anytime soon but we're buying a house. It's his on paper and I'm contributing about one-fourth of what it would cost me to rent an apartment. So if anything happened to our relationship, I'd just walk away, and I would've saved a lot of money by not renting my own apartment. It's what works for us and it helps me maintain my first-time homebuyer status for in the future, in case we decided to upgrade down the road when babies come along.
So the market solved my delima... the PERFECT house we looked at is sold. They closed on it this week. :o( oh well, there will always be another perfect house.
I feel like it's pretty common these days for couples to buy homes together before even being engaged. I have several friends that did this, and it seems to be working out for them. It totally depends on your level of comfortability with this guy. If you know in yoru gut it's a sure thing, I say do it! Or even if you may have some doubts, I would work out some kind of agreement that if you're contributing to the purchase and God forbid it doesn't work out, he buys you out (or you buy him out, depending on who wants to stay) or you sell and split the profit.
@Akennedy01 - I think that's a good setup. I think if my SO insists on making a purchase, I would put myself in the same set up. I think in a lot of ways, it's easier for a woman to walk away and start over.
My SO has always talked about buying something, which in NYC is a big deal given how expensive things are, and I certainly don't feel comfortable making an investment like that with him without some guarantee. I at least want to be engaged before I even consider it.
Well right now is the time to buy!! If it is perfect for you .. go for it.
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So here is the new delima for today... I am a real estate agent and I just showed me and my boyfriend hopefully soon fiance' a house... and it's perfect. The only thing is we are not engaged yet, but he keeps telling me that it will be soon. Should we put in an offer or wait till we are engaged and keep looking??