Post # 1
Hi! I’m getting married in October, and my FI has a little “quirk” regarding his last name. His last name is German, and he adds an “i” in his name to make the pronunciation easier. He has done this for a good 20 years or so, as one branch of his family spells their name that way. Legally, however, his name is spelled without the “i”. So, his credit cards, mortgage, FB, phone/internet account, pay checks, cable account, e-mail address, and business cards have his name spelled with the “i”. His driver’s license and social security card have his original spelling, without the “i”, but those are the only two times that it is spelled minus the “i”. As a traditional Southern woman, I would like to take my FI’s last name when we marry. However, with all of the confusion of the dadblame “i”, I am wondering at this point whether I should just keep my maiden name legally and use the “i” spelling of my married name socially like he does. I think he would really like for me to take on the non “i” version legally, as his is, and use the “i” version in social circles. I’m honestly not sure what to do at this point. When I think of him, I think of the “i” version of his name, the way he usually spells it, so I have no attachment whatsoever to the non “i” version of his last name. And, nope, he does not want to legally change his name…I’ve asked. Any thoughts? Thank you for your help!!
Post # 3
@mojo10513: I would take his last name and in your social circles use the easier pronunciation.
Post # 4
Woah. This sounds way more complicated than necessary. Tell him that if he doesn’t just change his name legally to the “i” version, then he should just take your name!
Post # 5
@Tangled: Thanks, Tangled…I certainly agree with the complicated part!! Actually, I would really just like for him to change his name back to the legal spelling. Although it would mean paperwork with name changes on several accounts for him, it will mean the same thing for me when we get married, regardless, unless I keep my maiden name. I would love for us to have the same name and, if he does not want to change his legal name, then in my opinion he should use his legal name. Being a little on the traditional side, I would rather he not take my name, and I would like to use my maiden as my middle. Although I have no attachment to his legal last name right now, I’m sure I would get used to it if he were to use it. The bottom line is that I would like for there to be consistency in our last names, and I would like for us to have the same last name (his). With the two spellings, it’s already stressing me out about when I would use which spelling. I work in the medical field, so medicolegal documents would require my legal name. So when co-workers see that his name is different from mine by one letter, then I have to go into the whole spill about why? What a pain. This is why I am wondering if keeping my maiden name legally should be an option for me. Maybe I am just making a mountain out of a molehill.
Post # 6
So here’s the thing – what is a name? I think for most people it is the name that you use day to day. So your husband’s name is the easier to pronounce version he uses all the time. I don’t think the legal name really matters much. I doubt it is used much.
So since you want to have the same name as your husband, the name you use all the time will become the one he uses all the time. That is the important part. Again, the legal name isn’t really used much and doesn’t really matter that much and isn’t the “real” name.
So the question becomes, will it bother you if your legal name is different than your “real” name that you use every day? For me, I don’t think this would be a huge problem so I would probably just keep the maiden name legally since that requires no effort and changing is a pain. If having that different would bug you then change your legal name to your new “real” name (his easier to pronounce name).
It sounds like your husband has already made the same decision and has decided that he doesn’t care that his legal name is different than his “real” name, so I can’t see him being mad if you decide to do the same and keep your maiden as the legal.
Post # 7
Actually, the original idea was for me to legally take the “i” spelling that he usually uses. We briefly discussed it when we first got engaged, and then I did not even think about it after that for a while. Then, I asked him if he wanted to change his name to the “i” version legally, as well, so we would have the same legal last name, and he did not want to change it. His reason for that? “Well, if I ever want to go back and use the other [non “i”] version…”. Ummm…that statement right there made me skeptical about legally changing my last name to a name that he obviously does not want to be permanently associated with. If he does not want the permanent attachment, then why would I? Plus, to be honest, he may LIKE the “i” version better for whatever the reason, but it really does not help with the pronunciation of his name, whether he believes it does or not. People mispronounce his name ALL the time (100% of the time if they do not know my FI), yes, even with the added “i”. Actually, the more I think about it, the more irritated I’m getting. With my name change, I would have to go do the paperwork, stand in the lines, change my e-mail address, make phone calls, notify everyone in my life, etc., etc. Although he may change his mind by the time the wedding gets here (we have almost 8 months), I feel that at this point he is not willing to do the same amount of work for us by dropping the “i” and going back to his legal name OR by changing his legal name to the “i” version. I understand that both the “i” version and the legal version are components of his identity, but what about my identity? For now, I’m ready to just put the whole thing on a shelf and revisit it after some time has passed. Hopefully feelings will change on one side or the other, and we can come to an appropriate decision before the wedding. Call me crazy, but I like the thought of having a permanent, real, strong, steady, legal last name that does not waver or change, but that’s just me. So why am I going to all of this trouble to ensure that we have the same last name instead of me automatically keeping my maiden name and/or switching spellings with the change of the weather? Because I love him, and I like the whole traditional idea of “team hislastname”.
Post # 8
That is complicated! I would keep my legal name as is and just go by hubby’s “i” last name socially. I did all the social changes months before I changed anything legally and frankly no one would have been the wiser if I just left it at that!So you could update FB, emails, address labels, etc. I would not however, change my credit cards or paychecks or checks.
I did something like that with my middle name. It’s Rachel – but not RAY-chel. It’s ra-SHELL. I added an “a” as in Rachael hoping that’d fix things. I did this as a child an even my SS card was printed like this! So went I went in to change it this time, I put it Rachel. No one said anything, but it’s a middle name, so probably not a big deal.