Post # 1
So, I have a somewhat unique situation. My last name is very relative to the field I work in (the creative industry). I may be looking for a new job in the next year or so, and I know my last name stands out whenever hiring managers are rifling through resumes.
Also, I think is very cool that my last name has such a significance in what I do for a living, and it is fun to talk to people about.
I love my FI very much, and I would feel good about taking his last name. However, I would feel like I am losing a bit edge wise if I change my last name. At the same time though, I also like the idea of leaving my maiden name behind, as my fathers side of the family is not something I am really associated with anymore. They are more of a source of strife, and I don’t talk to them anymore.
Should I change my name?
How do people decide this?
I think it is kind of stressful. How do people deal with a change like this if they decide to make the change?
Post # 3
You could do what I’m doing and also list it on your resume.
I’m going to be Crystal M. M. H_______
First, Middle, Madien and FI last name 😀
I see nothing wrong with that and having all of them.
Post # 4
I’m changing mine. My last name is always mispronounced and mispelled (it’s very close to a very common name). My FIs is much better. Plus anything I can do to distance myself from my family I’ll gladly embrace.
Post # 5
so you’re a seamstress who’s surname is Button? Or a brewer who’s surname is Beer? Or a butcher who’s surname is Lamb? That’s too cool to lose. Do the name change legally/socially? Use your maiden professionally? Prob best to keep your maiden name as part of your legal name as per PP if you do that though.
Post # 6
I like the idea of a fresh start …. i to don’t speak with my fahter I am lucky my mother gave me her name… if i had hsi name i prob have changed it years ago
Its nice to take his name to it shows you as a family and will leave no questions or complications (passports and traveling) once you have kids … not that ur doing that now or even planning to but if you are if one of you has a different name travel will be more complicated it saves alot of stress later on
I mean i will miss being a B i am always at teh top of the list, and I do like how my name now sounds … that being said i am looking forward to us being a family and being a couple plus i know its a lil old fashion but he prob be given a hard time by the guys if you dont
Post # 7
@cindalu: Don’t change it. Keep your awesome name and go by the other socially. No one has to know what you actually did.
My MIL asks me everytime wether I’m changing my name or not. I don’t see how it is her or anyone else’s business. Especially laughable on her part since she has not been married to FI’s father in years and has since remarried.
Your still a family even if you don’t change it and god forbid if you divorce you won’t have to keep his name as your work name (like Tina Turner who was abused!)
Post # 8
- Wedding: March 2014 - A castle!
@cindalu: I’m going through this same thing bc I’m starting to publish a lot in my field. My maiden name will be on my first few publications. When I get married I’m going to do First Maiden Husband on my papers for a few years, and then eventually go to First Husband so there is a paper trail and people can identify me in the field. When people refer to me it will be by Mrs./Dr. Husband’s Last Name (hence FutureDrAtkins lol). So I’ll use his name for everything personal and anything business will have both names for awhile until I kind of…fade my maiden name out gradually I guess?
Post # 9
I am not changing my name. I have had my name for 30+ years and I do not feel like changing it.
My Fiance is completely cool with the idea.
I am aware that people will probably refer to me as Mrs. ___ ____ and I am fine with it.
Post # 10
@cindalu: I know many more women are keeping their maiden names now a days, but IMO I don’t see why. I get it, if you have a cool last name, or its just easier. But you are getting married. Why would you not want to be associated with your husband? And then when you have kids – theres so many long a** names out there now, I feel bad for the kids. It doesnt make sense to me when it comes down to it.. and I really cant imagine the husband really being OK with that – its kinda like a stab to them I feel. But again, its just my opinion.
I do agree with the other idea about changing it legally/socially and using your maiden name professionally, if it really means that much to you
Post # 11
I’m know in my field so I’m using both my names at the moment. I’ll eventually drop my maiden name altogether. My DH and I like having the same name.
Post # 12
@cindalu: you could use your maiden name in your professional life and your married name socially. i know of people who do this.
if change your name to jane unique plain
unique being the maiden name, and plain being the married name.
professionally, people who have always called you jane unique can continue to do so. but if someone addresses you are jane unique, jane plain, or jane unique plain then all are acceptable.
Post # 13
I am not changing my name. There are very few people in the world with my last name and I really love that. My FI was annoyed at first, but he got over it.
Post # 14
I would say, don’t listen to our opinions on this! Everyone chooses to change or keep their names for different reasons. For some, family unity is the most important and they change it (or better, the husband and wife BOTH hyphenate or change so that both parties are sacrificing equally). For others, keeping your identity and individuality is the most important, and there is no reason to change your name. For some (like me) there are all kinds of complicated issues to consider. I always wanted to keep my name (why should I change if hubby doesn’t have to?) but then when I got engaged I decided I’d rather share a name than keep mine. And although I’d created a high-level career in my maiden name, for various reasons my married name kind of works better for my career. I still feel uncomfortable about certain aspects of changing my name, but I feel good about my choice overall. I’m going to keep my maiden name as my middle name and take his last, so I can still choose to use both names if and when I feel like it. For me, it was a good compromise, but it came with a LOT of thought. I didn’t find other people’s opinions helpful, although I read and asked around a lot. It was a tough decision, but I was glad I took the time to really think about it and come to my own decision. I’m glad we have the option to choose.
Post # 15
I just always felt “Mrs. My-maiden-name” was my mother, so yes, I had always planned to change it. I also hated that name. So odd. I’m not crazy about my husband’s, but it is what it is.
Post # 16
I’m changing my name. I have a boring last name. and I want to share the same last name and FH and our baby on the way!