Post # 1
I am getting married in 6 months after a year and a half engagement to a wonderful man – we will have been together 5 1/2 years on our wedding date and I am struggeling with changing my last name.
I have asked him what are his reasons behind wanting me to take his name and he has said cause that’s how it is supposed to be , and thats how it’s always been done.
I have discussed with him that many women were expected to take their husbands last name becuase of how things were done in the past – which was escentially a change of “ownership” from your father to your husband. But times have changed…
I am not a feminist and I love him dearly but I like my last name and don’t want to loose my identity.
Post # 3
No one can make that choice except for you. I changed my name because I WANTED to, not because he asked me to or because that’s “just how it’s done.” I like knowing that when others see my name or ours together, they know we are a couple and a family. When we have kids, it will also make it easier with all of us having the same family name.
Post # 4
@Jbomb1989: would you consider hyphening it ? That way you could keep your name but have his as well it would be a way to please both of y’all
Post # 6
I was glad to get a new name. Nobody ever spelled or proounced my maiden name correctly…
Post # 7
What about dropping your middle name, moving your maiden name to your middle name, and taking his last name? Or just having 4 names?
Post # 8
Just doing something for the sake of “that’s how it’s been done” is not a reason. You should not be pressured into making this change. It’s a big deal and it’s a matter of identity. You could hyphenate it as PP said or take his last name as a middle name
Post # 9
I kept mine, my husband was a little upset at first but he’s fine with it now, he understands my viewpoint, he knew he couldn’t convince me otherwise.
Post # 10
I took my husbands last name and took my maiden as my new middle. So technically I am still who I always was, just with a new name at the end. I was happy to take a new “identity” as my husbands wife. I think of it less as giving up my old name, and more of creating our new family.
Post # 11
I will be changing my last name because I want to honor my future husband, I feel like it would be an insult if I didn’t. I also want to have the same last name as our future children. I don’t feel like I’m losing my identity, I feel like I’m gaining a new and wonderful life. That’s just how I feel though. What about hyphenating your name?
Post # 12
I’m still getting used to my new name. I got married in June this year. I changed my last name on facebook, but I legally didn’t change my name until mid november. I was moving and starting a new job a month after the wedding and didn’t want to confuse the papework. Now mostly everything is changed over, but I still struggle to not say my maiden name when I introduce myself. However, I like being a Mrs. The main reason I changed my name is so I will have the same last name as my children. I worked at a dance studio when I was younger, and I remember how confusing it was when a child’s mother would pay for lessons with a check that had a different last name than the childs on it. Especially if they didn’t specify in the memo who they were paying for. It’s just a personal story that made me realize that I wanted to change my name when I got married.
Post # 13
First off, no one can make you change your name. I changed my last name because it’s the tradition, my husband wanted it, and I really didn’t mind. I do not feel owned by my husband.
About losing your identity… everyone loses their identity, in some form, when they get married. Before marriage, they’ll go, “Oh hey, there’s Mary Sue!” Now, there’s a good chance that they’ll go, “Oh, there’s Jim Bob’s wife, Mary Sue!” See? you still lose out on being “Mary Sue” and are now “Jim Bob’s wife, Mary Sue.”
Ultimately, it’s up to you. Do what you’re most comfortable with. As someone who has changed her name, it’s really not that bad. I don’t feel any different than I did when I had my maiden name. No one identified me by my last name, so truthfully, I don’t feel like I have lost anything.
Post # 14
@Mrs. Fireworks: This.
I would have never changed my last name with either of my exes, but I am with FI. I don’t really have any ties to my last name anyway, but I like the idea of being an “H.” FI loves that I’m taking his name, but would have understood had I not wanted to. My ex flipped when I told him that I wouldn’t take his last name.
Post # 15
I did 4 names (but I have a daughter, so it was important to me and my new hubs that we didn’t make her feel not a part of the family). I was going to remove my middle name but my mom FREAKED out (and I’m 41!!!!!).
I decided not to hyphenate and I just added my married name onto my existing name. I changed my license today and now I have 2 names on the top line:
I feel like when people look at my license, they will understand no matter where I am (except travel… that I would book in my new last name) so I feel like I can now use whichever last name I want in whatever circumstance I am in. Plus it keeps me connected to my daughter.
I am NOT changing my work email (which is a total PAIN) but on my signature line I will just add my new last name after my old last name.
Post # 16
@Jbomb1989: Don’t do it if you don’t want to. It’s your decision. Personally I am going to change mine because I don’t like my last name.. I’m not particularly attached to it… it’s my father’s name and I am estranged from him… and I’d like to be known as a family unit… my FH and I, and any future child we have.