To Change or NOT to Change my Last Name!

posted 2 years ago in Names
Post # 2
Member
201 posts
Helper bee

My new husband I chose a completely new last name for ourselves. We love it! Yes, our families may not have been particulary overjoyed about it – but it’s not about them.

 

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 2 months ago by  sadtogo14.
Post # 3
Member
1119 posts
Bumble bee

I am massively stuggling with this! I’m not sure how me and FI are going to resolve this without one of us feeling resentful/forced in to something. I’m getting to the point where I’m going to have to suggest we pick out of a hat and go with whichever one comes out!

Post # 4
Member
888 posts
Busy bee

I’m changing my name. I’m also an only child and the last of my dad’s line but oh well. I do love my last name- its a very old English royal name but my FIs surname is also old posh and British so it doesn’t feel like much of a trade off. I quite like the tradition of changing surname, I feel like it shows a huge commitment towards making a new family. My only thought with hypenated names is where does it stop? What if you have a daughter and her name is hyphened and then she marries a man and wants to keep her name – do they have a triple hyphen or quadriple if his is also hyphened? It just gets so complicated and eventually someone will just drop it anyway or people will create new names and all traceable historical surnames become lost. 

Thats not to say it isn’t a hard thing to do, you are essentially giving up a part of your identity- but I see it more as gaining a new identity. One that is shared with your husband in your new family. 

Post # 5
Member
56 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

I am so excited to take his last name. I couldn’t image not taking it. But everyone is different. I think not taking it would be confusing if you two had children. 

Post # 6
Member
3222 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

SMZombie:  I would hyphenate if I was in your position, and see if your future husband would be open to hyphenating as well.

 

Post # 7
Member
1119 posts
Bumble bee

SMZombie:  Have you discussed him taking your name?

Post # 8
Member
3350 posts
Sugar bee

If you really don’t’ want to change it, then don’t. Ultimately it’s your decision! Hyphenation could be a good option too, since you seem to be excited by that idea. Another idea is to take his last name as well as keep yours, without the hyphen, and be addressed using those two names. There are plenty of choices without just losing your name. 🙂 

Post # 9
Member
4916 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

I have a unique last name & never wanted to change it for professional reasons.  Dh is ok with it, so I use my married name where it’s required, ie insurance, etc.

Dh has been known to refer to himself as Mr Sassy411 in a few places where he’s conviced it gets him better service.

Post # 10
Member
1202 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

It’s 2014, and changing your name isn’t a matter of course anymore.  Has your FI given this a lot of thought and does he have strong feelings about this?     

I haven’t changed my name legally because it’s such a hassle to get new documents, but I do use DH’s name socially.  Invitations get sent to us in his name, I use it on Facebook.  If it causes problems when we have kids, I might change it then.  Really, is this something you must decide now or can it wait?              

Post # 11
Member
2132 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I hyphenated, and it was the perfect decision for me.  It was important to me to have my last name because of my career, but it was important to my husband to have his name, as well as to myself sharing the name as my future children.  The hyphenated name is really long, so we didn’t want to give our children that (and then what if they get married and have this issue?).  Except on legal things (which are very few), I typically use only one name.  I use my maiden name with anything that has to do with my career, and with my professional colleagues, but I use my married name for anything social (signing birthday cards, dinner reservations, etc).  Old friends sometimes actually use the long hyphenated name occassionally- I guess to bring out the fact I’m married and it easier to tag a name onto the name they know me by.  

Even with the hyphenated name, I was a bit emotional changing it, and it was still a different name than the name I had my whole life.  However, now that I have it, I love it.  I absolutely adore my husband.  He is an amazing man, and I’m proud to share part of my name with him.  I love how the hyphenated clearly shows my story (it connects our two names like our marriage connects us)  Also, I love that my last name is 100% unique.  Absolutely no one else in the entire world shares it with me.   

Post # 12
Member
3195 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

KateA17:  

+1 I changed my last name as a way to show my husband that I wanted to be his family. If I kept it, his WASP mother and my father would not have been pleased. Good thing I decided to change my name before they both had discussions with me about not keeping it. My husband’s family is a very pedigreed Scottish/English family and they have a family tree that goes back five generations. No wife has ever kept her last name in all that time.

What other women choose to do when it comes to changing their names is not my concern. I only hate it when women who kept their names look down on me for changing mine.

My maiden name is a very unusual Welsh surname. I wasn’t overly attached to my surname as I define my identity through other means such as my career and relationships. Taking my husband’s name was a symbol of becoming a wife and adding a new component to my identity.

Post # 13
Member
1119 posts
Bumble bee

PositiveThinking:  I’m hoping my FI will take me marrying him as a sign that I want to be his family.

Post # 14
Member
3195 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

cpick:  

I hope so too my dear.

I’m very happy that my husband was progressive enough to refrain from pressuring me to take his name. It was completely my choice. I saw it as starting a new life with a new name.

Taking your husband’s name is only one way to show that you want to be his family. Every couple defines their own symbols of commitment.

Post # 15
Member
168 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

I will be hyphenating my name. My dad is an only child and so am I and I’m not ready for the name to die yet. Neither my mom nor my dad’s mom changed their names when they got married (for different reason, but with same results), so I’m actually going against the fold here lol As for our kids, they’ll get their daddy’s last name. I think that’s the convention anyway. 

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