Post # 1
Should I confront the DH about seeing him texting his ex on the phone bill when he told me he was busy and couldnt talk?? We have had this conversation before so he knows how I feel. Granted she IS texting him 5 times before he answers but still… I know that he would never cheat but its just a respect thing.. What to do!!??
Post # 3
Why are you looking at his phone bill?? He could be texting her “leave me alone” or “I hate your stupid face”.
Post # 4
@Carrie0226: How do you know he’s texting her? Are you checking his phone? Or is he doing it in front of you?
Post # 5
To everyone who asked about the phone bill, they may share a family plan.
If you do confront him, make sure to use I-statements. “I noticed this on the bill and I feel a bit nervous when I see her number.”
Post # 6
Unless you know the content of the texts, I wouldn’t confront him.
How do you know he texted her at the exact same time he told you he was busy and couldn’t talk? Respect is a 2 way street – if you are checking his phone bill to check numbers texted, is that respectful of him?
If you know he would never cheat, I’m not sure why its a big deal.
Post # 7
@lilacwire: I think thats the best advice.
It’s possible that he’s texting her to leave him alone! Just bring it up w/o being defensive to find out whats going on.
Post # 8
i agree with @lilacwire: ask him about it, but don’t be accusatory.
Post # 9
I don’t think it could hurt to ask. Like some said, he could be telling her not to talk to him anymore.
Post # 10
I think if it bothers you, you should definitely say something to him. Just be sure to stay calm and have your thoughts organized, so it doesn’t turn into a huge argument.
Post # 11
Good advice on the “I” statements.. also, why is this woman texting a married man?
Post # 12
We had a family plan long before getting married and I always go through our bills fairly thoroughly. I can never figure out why our bill is +/- $10-$20 every month so I try to see when/what we over used, but I digress….
If I happened to see a forbidden number, I would ask him about it non-confrontationally. I don’t see there being any problem in doing that and don’t see it as being disrespectful for looking over our bill. I wouldn’t jump to any conclusions and would give him a chance to explain himself, but there’s no way I wouldn’t ask. We are always very open with one another and know each other’s boundaries, so if he knows how you feel about this, a simple explanation shouldn’t be too much to ask for.
Post # 13
Had something similiar happen (long story short), I confronted him. Mind you, I was pretty ticked off because he’d promised to not save the photos/talk to her and, well, he did. Save the photos. And hid them. In a folder he said he was going to delete.
I waited till he got home and confronted him (it didn’t work too well while angry prior, so I was rather calm this time). Being calm is WAY better than being angry: you get further.
And yes, you SHOULD ask him about it. Especially if this is something he’d said he wasn’t going to do. We got everything worked out and he ignores her now (completely) and blocked her from FB (or at least deleted her from his friends). So, it worked out in the end.
So sorry you’re going through this! Hope it works out for you!!!!
Post # 14
I think you need to talk to him, otherwise it’ll just eat you up!
What if you bring it up with, “I saw [ex] was texting you again. Do you want me to look up how to block her number for you?”
Post # 15
SO.. I did confront him in a tasteful and calm manner. He didnt understand how that would upset me so much. They were together for 11 years and he said that he just considered her an old friend. That I can understand but he would talk to her more than me during the day. His answer for that was that she would text him a few times and he would answer her back. My whole opinion on this is I can understand them talking and being cordial to one another. (They have a child together). BUT all day everyday.. that is a slap in the face I feel like. Why couldnt he have the respect for me and our relationship to put some boundaries on it. Thats all I was asking for.. I told him i wasnt mad that they talked but I just didnt understand why it had to be all the time. We had a good heart to heart and I thought he understood where I was coming from. Obviously NOT!! As of yesterday they are now FB friends. Seriously?? After 4 years of being separated why now? why right after I poured my heart out about how I really felt about it?
Sorry to vent but our wedding is in 2 weeks and needless to say I dont think we will be walking down that aisle.. sigh 🙁
Post # 16
If they have a kid together then that changes the situation a little for me. It just seems like they have completely valid things to talk about. I agree that you can ask him to keep the friendly chit chat to a minimum, but it’s not feasible to expect him to cut her out of his life or ignore her messages. I’m sorry you’re in this situation, but if you trust him, then I think you need to let it go a bit. Just assume all the messages are about the kid (because a lot of them probably are).