Post # 1
My fiance and I are have set a wedding date approximately 13 months from now. He’s a baptized catholic and I’m methodist (not baptized – long story short… my dad didn’t believe in religion and therefore my mom wanted us to decide what we believed in, not have it set up for us).
Well… I’ve heard a lot of remarks on how I should convert since he is really religious and it could cause issues for us in the future. I know my kids would be raised catholic and probably attend catholic schools. I know Methodist is described as “lite catholic”. There’s honestly not a lot different in what we believe. I go to church with him when I don’t have to work, but I don’t believe you have to go to church to believe in God.
I’ve never been one to do something because someone pressures me into it. I like to make my own decisions and honestly I don’t see anything wrong with me not converting. We haven’t really talked about it but i’ve mentioned not converting and he’s had no objections.
However I know that being married in a catholic church is important to his family… so therefore I know I’d at least have to be baptized. But with how my family is, were not having a full mass just the ceremony.
I know that was very long…. thanks!
Post # 3
@lynnz09: If you want to convert then you should. If you aren’t sure about it or don’t want to then I would wait until you want to do it.
Post # 4
- Wedding: May 2013 - Pavilion overlooking golf course scenery, reception at banquet hall
Your religion is probably one of the most personal decisions you can make in life; don’t choose based on what others say/think or what you think they’ll say/think.
Post # 6
Don’t convert for someone else. I think religion is such a personal thing that you need to believe because you believe it, not because someone else wants you to believe it.
Post # 7
Don’t convert just to convert for him.
I’m Catholic and my Protestant Fiance isn’t converting. We’re just going to have a ceremony, which is fine. My parents have expressed to him that they want him to convert, but it’s stupid to convert into something you don’t believe in. Only convert if you feel you believe.
Post # 8
I really think religion/spirituality is so personal that I don’t fully understand the concept of “converting” for someone else’s sake. do people’s core beliefs really change suddenly, just like that? I can’t imagine it. I can’t change my beliefs just like that, not even if I really want to.
So, I assume it’s more of an appease-more-zealous specific-religion-enthusiast move, done by someone more neutral/flexible. ( e.g. Believes in god but doesn’t feel he/she knows enough about the details of reality to declare this or that theistic religion or denomination “the” one, or they believe in Jesus but that’s as specific as it gets, or they’re agnostic and really don’t know, or they’re atheist and happy to do whatever to appease those this tradition means a lot to). The appeasement is by acting out whatever the agreed upon traditions are, not suddenly deeply believing everything that denomination says, all the little specifics. they may or may not change their internal beliefs to match that denomination over time.
That seems fine to me because the appeaser doesn’t really mind and the appeased is so happy.
…but, if it involves soneone being asked to convert who strongly believes in something else and would be basically asked to deny their own beliefs and take someone ekses instead… I don’t see how that can be other than extremely invalidating. Next will people ask people to convert to the family’s chosen political belief system? Kwim?
Post # 9
Just so you know, you don’t have to be baptized to marry a Catholic. You have to get special permission from your FI’s bishop, but it’s not hard to get. It happens alllll the time. You’re right, if it’s a mixed marriage the priest would suggest you just have a wedding ceremony, without a Mass. It makes it much less awkward for your family.
Definitely don’t convert based on pressure from others. This is something you do for yourself, not for other people. I encourage you to attend RCIA at your FI’s parish (this is short for Rite of Christian Initiation of Adults). You go through the entire program if you want to convert, but a lot of people go to a couple classes just to learn about the Church and talk about the Church. My dad did that, he didn’t convert or anything. But he didn’t know that much about my mom’s religion, just what he gleaned from attending Mass with her. So he wanted to know more.
When you investigate you’ll find Catholicism is quite different from Methodist theology. There are many similiarities but for instance, you know how Catholics call it Sunday Mass and Methodists call it Sunday church service? There’s a big reason why they use different words. Etc etc
Post # 10
I’m converting for my SO and for my SO’s family (soon to be fiance). It was my idea and my choice both to honor him, his family and his culture and to raise children in a one religion household. He is latino and being Catholic is nearly synonymous with being latino. He attended Catholic school, k-college and was an altar boy. His mother, whom I love dearly, attends church every day.
I was baptized Lutheran and have never attended nor had an attachment to the church. This is a gift I’m giving my SO and I know it means so much to him. I do not think it’s wrong to convert for these reasons. I think they are absolutely some of the best reasons to convert!
Also, for no reason in particular, my SO was never confirmed. We’re planning to get confirmed together. He is so romantic about it and feels that the reason he never was confirmed was because he was waiting for me to finally come into his life. I’m so looking forward to this.
I’ve wanted to become more involved in church life in the past few years and I’m looking forward to doing so together with my future husband and children in the Catholic Church.
So there’s the other side to this coin ;). If you want to convert for your husband, that’s a fine reason.
Post # 11
@lynnz09: Ive been considering whether to convert or not. Fi and I will be having a ‘mixed marriage’ as i was baptized in the church of england.
I attend church with my Fi, and Im happy to agree to have our children raised that way, but for me there are some sticking points that Im not sure i can agree with eg COE doesn’t see contraception (artifical methods) as intrinsically evil. And i can’t in good conscience agree to the things i dont believe in if im not sure ill keep to them
Im learning a lot about Catholic beliefs (i just attened pre-cana and it covered a lot of things, as well as reading a lot by myself) and i think before you can decide either way…you really need to research it and decide how compatible the beliefs are and if you want to do it or not
Post # 12
I was born and raised in a pretty strict Catholic family. Both of my parents were born and raised Catholic and their parents were even more insanely strict.
At about the age of 16, I realized that this religion, ANY religion just was not for me. I haven’t been into a Catholic church since. I just can’t be okay with and be a part of a religion that has such black and white views on things.
When my husband and I started to date, he informed me he was Orthodox but he never reall went to church either. We agreed to get married in the Orthodox church because if we got married in the Catholic church, his church would not recognize it but if we got married in the Orthodox church, the Ctholic church would recognize it as well.
Technically, I was supposed to go through the entire christening again but becase I was baptized catholic I didn’t really have to. His parents want me to fully convert but I refuse to be anything because like you, I don’t feel like you need church to believe in God. Just like sitting in a garage doesn’t make you a car.
Please don’t allow anyone to pressue you into this situation. It is a very personal, spiritual thing. You don’t HAVE to convert before you get married so just take your time and think about it.
Post # 13
I was born and raised Lutheran. (which is like a step child of Roman Catholicism) My Fiance is Italian and therefore Roman Catholic. I know religion is super important to him, as it is me, but his is more because of the traditions. I want to be a one religion household, so I am converting to RC. I am currently taking RCIA classes (they start in the fall, you might still be able to get in on it if you want). I really am loving my journey so far. Sure there are quite a few things that are different from being a protestant vs. being Roman Catholic, but the main truths are the same.
Do whatever your heart tells you too. Since you are a Christian, the Holy Spirit will guide you. He is already making you consider the conversion. Maybe you should attend mass sometime and see how you feel!
Post # 14
I converted to Catholicism, on my own, as a single person. I was raised Protestant. The conversion experience was the best experince in my life. Please don’t convert unless you feel the call from God. If you do feel the call some day, you can go through the process then. That’s just my 2 cents!
Post # 15
I agree with everyone here! Converting is a personal choice and you are the one who has to make it.
My Fiance is Catholic and I was Lutheran. He never asked me to converted – but I knew I would the minute we got engaged. We live in his hometown and we are getting married at his (now our) church. I knew deep down that marrying in his church would be important to him and I was completely fine with it! I wasn’t a practicing Lutheran – heck I hadn’t been to church in years.
Since converting, we go to Mass together almost every Sunday. He said me converting has brought him back to the church and he is so thankful for that. Personally I enjoy Mass and have realized how much I missed being a part of a church. We enjoyed our marriage classes and got a lot out of them. Our priest is amazing and I can’t wait for him to marry us.
I wish you the best of luck on your journey – whatever you decide! No choice is wrong…you just have to do what’s best for you.
Post # 16
I believe only in genuine conversion. If you don’t believe the doctrine and teachings of the Catholic church, it may not be the right time for you.
Also, you don’t need to be baptized Catholic to get married in the Church. You just need to be willing to do your best to raise your children with the faith. Only one of you actually has to be Catholic to be married in the church.