- 4 years ago
- Wedding: June 2014
First, ladies, allow me to say that when I say destination, many of our guests will not need to board an airplane. We are thinking of somewhere along the coast between Jersey and OBX.
His fam lives in Rochester, but when I say “his fam” I mean, his mother and father. They have aunts and uncles and cousins strewn from Montreal to Baltimore. Grandparents on both sides are in FL, and we both have “outliers” in Seattle, Iowa, even Germany. Most of my family live in Philadelphia, where I grew up. The fionce and I live in Pittsburgh.
That being said, my parents, in Philadelphia, are picking up most of the tab, and thus have the most say in my opinion, but are not being dictators. They think it should be in Philadelphia, but we’re having a REALLY hard time finding a place that I like that’s affordable. I would like it to be outdoors, with an indoor backup plan rather than a tent, and upscale BBQ as the food. When I say upscale, I’m not talking fancy- Shiskabobs is something that we’d really like.
Sooo why am I trying so hard to have the wedding in Philly if more than half of my guests have to travel 3-7 hours to get there to begin with? I feel like I may as well have it anywhere within a day’s drive from Philly, because to many people, it makes little diffrence. They are still spending a day driving, getting a hotel, and so on.
Sorry for rambling, there’s just so much to consider. Here are the pros and cons as I see it, of having the wedding at the places we are considering now for a “destination” wedding (Rehobeth Beach, my summer camp on the Chesapeake Bay, and OBX)
Pros: For the people that are traveling regardless, there will be more to do and more time to spend together. Driving 5 hours to be with someone for 5 hours, sleep and drive home, kind of sucks. Some of these people, especially on FI’s side, haven’t seen each other in years. I have not met the vast majority of his extended family, and would really like to get to know them. Even though our parents have met once or twice in the TEN YEARS that we have been together, they don’t know each other well.
Pros: Philly is EXPENSIVE. Although we would be paying potentially for more meals total (like, a brunch, but not ALL meals), it seems like these other destinations have a cheaper wedding reception per person cost.
Cons: People from Philly now also have to rent a hotel room, travel, and so on. Some people who had to drive from upstate NY to Philly’s drive just went from 5 hours to 7 or even 10, and now might need to fly, AND potentially rent a car.
Cons: If people are driving 7 hours from Philly to OBX for instance, are they really going to stay for a weekend? No, it’s now a weeklong vacation. Can they afford it? If the wedding is while school is in session, what do the few people (less than 5 couples have school age children) do? Can they take off work? What if they already are in the tradition of having a week long summer vacation, or worse, already booked one? If this is a segway into a honeymoon at the same location, do I really want my family hanging around in the same spot for god knows how many days?
Cons: We now have to provide more welcome bags (even if it’s simple, it’s an expense), more activities, more meals….
Cons: Although some people, or many people may not be able to make the trip, we don’t know how to limit our guest list! By taking out certain chunks of people (cousins, most of who are grown, family friends, friends of ours who we are not incredibly close with….) we still can’t get it below 80 ppl, and we really don’t want to leave all those people out. Our “Philly” invite list is 140.
Please advise. Anyone who has had (or decided not to have) a “driving-destination” wedding, how did you decide?