Post # 1
FH and i have been together for almost 7 years solid. No breaks. I just got out of graduate school and FH and I announced our intent to marry next year. At the time we announced our plans I still didn’t have my engagment ring, but that didn’t deter us from trying to give the family some time to plan. FSIL makes a snarky comment about how we’re rushing into things. Rewind two months later FSIL (who is four years younger) gets engaged to a guy she’s been off and on with for about three years. (A couple weeks later I got my ring) FSIL then proceeds to wait until our colors, venue, date are picked to suddenly announce that she’s getting married two months before our date. I can’t help but feel that she deliberately put her wedding before ours simply because she got her ring first. It’s childish, I know, but it’s so her. I’m bothered because FH’s family will have to pick and choose between weddings.
At this point FH and i have encountered so much negativity from both sides of our family regarding our wedding that I’m ready to scrap all the plans and me and FH just elope. Examples of negativity- My family: why bother weddings are too expensive (mind you my sis had a lavish destination wedding), you’re to fat to wear this dress or that (mind you I haven’t even stepped foot in a bridal store yet or expressed any indication as to the dress I want), it goes on….His family: FSIL got her ring first,..
The problem is that I know FH doesn’t really want to elope. He wants an ‘ideal’ wedding. Me on the other hand can care less about breaking my neck and bank to entertain these people (both sides). I don’t want FH to resent me forever, so I’m not sure what I should do.
Post # 3
It sounds to me that you need to express your concerns to your FH. The wedding should be about you both and what you want to do. If the wedding is causing to much negitivity then maybe getting eloped is the best option. But before you decide discuss with your FH.
Post # 4
Families need to learn to keep their opinions to themselves and not ruin a bride’s special day! It’s all very petty really.
It doesn’t matter who got the ring first as to who marries first…why do his parents think that?
I’d talk to them and tell them how you feel, and that it’s hurtful. As the PP said, if things continue down a negative path, just have a small, intimate wedding with your closest friends and family who are positive and happy for you.
Post # 5
Don’t let FSIL rain on your parade. =) Your wedding is going to be super special on it’s own. I promise.
Post # 6
I would take care of that situation right now. Yeah, you can elope, but you still have to deal with the attitude for the rest of your life.
You need to talk to your FI and you both need to confront your families together.
Post # 7
Thanks all for your support. As of now, I’ve had a talk with my FH and simply explained to him how miserable the planning, negativity and FSILs games have been. I told FH that if we decide to go with a wedding and not elope that we have to scale it way back (we were expecting 150+) and I won’t be involving his family in any more of my wedding plans. I also explained that from planning I’ve determined that I will be miserable on the wedding day because I will be doing all of the work. Unfortunately our budget doesn’t allow for a wedding planner. So I now want to do a small destination wedding. Somewhere fun with under 40 people. Ideas welcome for Northern Ca. He said that he understands and supports me because all he wants is for me to be happy on that day.
So for now, if we decide to go forward with our wedding plans I’m still not sure what we’ll do as far as keeping our February date given that his FSIL INSISTS on having her wedding before ours (side note: FSILs original wedding date that she announced when she first got engaged was May).
Anyways, thanks for letting me vent but more importantly thanks for listening.
Post # 8
I don’t see why FSIL cares when the wedding is compared to yours! A wedding is a wedding regardless. Both will be equally special. She sounds very selfish and immature.
Best wishes! Destination wedding sounds great!
Post # 9
I think if you two discussed and are open to a small elopement then do it! I work at Chapel of the Flowers in Las Vegas and we hear versions of these from other couples so often, that they just come here because it’s so much easier and affordable – and we’re an elegant wedding chapel so they still get that tradition. So, I also recommend you look into Vegas, whether it’s our chapel or not, because you can save money and stress on all fronts and lots of people love to travel here to help you celebrate your special day!
Regarding your FSIL, that is a total bummer to go through all of that and I know it’s easier said than done, but you need to not let her get to you. By doing so, you’re just playing into her game and letting her win. I think what time you got your rings shouldn’t matter, neither should who gets married first – it’s about the two of you getting married and that’s what you need to focus on. The positivity – this is opening into the happiest time of your life!
You are a getting married and deserve your special day and all that comes with it! CONGRATULATIONS!