To elope or not to elope?

posted 2 years ago in Elopement
Post # 2
Member
2013 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

junkbee:  Extremely similar to my story, except its my SO that doesn’t want a whole bunch of people there and I’m a child of divorce with a ridiculous amount of family.

My idea for a solution: make it super inconvenient for people to be there (haha). 11am on a Saturday at your house. Find a JOP that will come to your house and invite your family by email or phone call and say the ceremony is at X time sharp and “this is the only time you could get the JOP” so if they are late then it’s too bad, you warned them. After the ceremony which should be 15 minutes or less you can have juice/crackers and cheese/lunch meats or nothing for your guests and you say thank you for coming. And that’s it. Bam you’re married and they had the opporunity to witness it. Any photos from the day can be done by request with the requestors camera/phone. Everyone wins 😉

Post # 4
Member
2013 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

junkbee:  You don’t owe them a thing. THEY chose to come. You make sure you explain exactly what the event will be and that you understand if they aren’t interested but you wanted to give them a courtesy invite so there were no hard feelings. Say that you haven’t arranged lodgings for anyone and you were hoping to keep it as small and minimal as possible. The only thing you can be is honest and upfront.

I understand the guilt feeling because I’ll have that too but by telling people expressly what to expect they cannot be surprised. If they choose to be there then it will be on them to feed and ouse themselves. You can’t take that on yourself. If people try to push you to do something different remind them that you didn’t want a big thing and you’re trying to keep it as small and simple as you dreamed getting married would be 😉

Post # 6
Member
2878 posts
Sugar bee

Why not a JOP ceremony followed by a dinner at a restaurant ? All you have to do is place a reservation and pick up the tab at the end of the evening. No trouble, no fuss. Then leave the day after for your honeymoon. 

This is what we plan on doing. We felt our family would be disappointed not to attend, but we’re not established and paying everything by ourselves. We’d rather not splurge, keep things simple and have a nice vacation together. If we had our house, we would have a very simple backyard wedding/home dinner. Since we don’t have a place of our own, we might do exactly as I suggested you : JOP, going to the restaurant with our immediate family (parents, siblings and spouses, no children). 

Post # 8
Member
956 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

Your predicament sounds a lot like mine was. We ‘eloped’ – not in the traditional sense, as friends and family knew we were going. Stress was zero 🙂 Neither DH nor I regret it, but there was a little bit of guilt to start with as his family (his mum in particular) were more disappointed. Actually, that’s putting it mildly! We almost had a no-frills register office thing just so he could have his immediate family there, since they were kicking up such a stink, but in the end he decided that it would just be miserable and awkward, and neither of us wanted to look back on the day we got married as being like that.

I know it’s a cliche but it is your day as a couple – so make sure YOU two are happy first and foremost. Remember, you’ll never please everyone… Good luck!

Post # 9
Member
1917 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

The FI and I just decided to cancel our wedding and opt for planning a destination elopement/honeymoon. It’s like the weight of the world is off our shoulders now! We’re still planning to have a dinner cruise reception with family when we return but only about 30 people tops would be invited. I personally think the small ceremonies can be stressfull too because then there might be more people with hurt feelings over not being invited. I say don’t let anyone guilt you guys into doing something you don’t want to do. Your wedding is about the two of you and your opinions matter most!

Post # 11
Member
956 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

junkbee:  No worries 🙂 Feel free to PM me anytime if I can help with anything. Some people will make you feel really shitty about your decisions (whatever they are!) so just try and keep your chin up!

Post # 12
Member
6334 posts
Bee Keeper

You could compromise with a private ceremony and then later have a small celebration. That way you can still have your minimalist approach but still allow your close family and friends to feel involved. That’s what we’re doing. 

Post # 13
Member
2878 posts
Sugar bee

It’s easy for people to feel ”dissapointed”, but they’re not the ones paying or having to go through the trouble of doing everything related to that event. You can’t just expect someone to plan a blacktie event for you. Even when it’s a wedding, it just doesn’t work that way. Our parents and grandparents, especially if they had very modest lifestyles, didn’t have the huge blowout the media like to refer to as a wedding nowadays. My parents had a sandwich buffet home after the church ceremony and that’s it. My in-laws took pictures of the bridal party in the parking, with a gas station as a background. But they all stand smiling and proud because it was a happy event. I really don’t think it’s any bride and groom’s problem if other people’s expectations are beyond unrealistic : they set up for their own disappointment. You should really focus on what makes you happy, if there is room for compromise it’s even better since you won’t have to face as much dissapointment, but overall your loved ones should be happy about the meaning of the union, and not so much how you decide to celebrate it, what you’re willing to spend, how much people you’re willing to deal with (if you are shy or have anxiety issue) and how much of your time you’re willing to spend planning.

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