Post # 1
Up until I helped my sister plan hers, I wanted a huge wedding. At this point, I’ve decided it’s not worth all the drama in my family, and am trying to decide between just eloping all together, OR having a small ceremony with members from both my and my fiance’s households only. No extended family or friends.
Then we would send out invitations inviting everyone to join us in celebrating our wedding with a party/reception a few weeks later. I want everyone to be included in what we’re doing, but that doesn’t mean I neccessarily want them all at the wedding…
Are there any benefits of one over the other when it comes to just eloping or having a small planned ceremony???
I still want my parents to be a part of our special moment, especially if I can still have my dad walk me down the aisle (small ceremony comes in to play here). But is eloping just better off for everyone all the way around?
Post # 3
Well, in having a small ceremony, you’ll definitely cut down the amount of drama you might experience with a larger wedding. If you plan to exclude some family and friends, though, becareful. This might end up causing you all the drama you were trying to avoid. People end up getting offended and relationships get tense. I don’t know how you friends and family are, but I’ve seen this turn ugly. So talk to your parents and anyone close to you to see what they say. I like the idea of eloping. Obviously that didn’t work out for me. But it is an amazing way to get married without all the hoopla. I’d go somewhere romantic and never look back! Then I’d have a fun party to include everyone, once we got home.
Post # 4
Small ceremony. This is (hopefully) a once in a lifetime event. You don’t get a redo. If you don’t have your closest friends and family there with you, you’ll regret it later.
Post # 5
I’d try to have the best of both worlds, take a small trip with both sets of parents and get married there. That way you have your parents there, as it seems important to you, but you don’t have to deal with all the drama…
Or you have the small ceremony here, but keep it at that… If you want to avoid drama, I don’t think having a big reception after your small ceremony would prevent drama from happening..
Post # 6
I voted for small ceremony. You should just set everything up the way you want, but don’t tell your parents until they absolutely need to know. Then there won’t be any drama. My cousin did this, and her and her Fiance didn’t tell their families until the week of their ceremony. They had arranged to have brunch with their parents to make sure they’d be in town. A few days before the ceremony, she told them that they were actually having the ceremony and to wear something nice. No one else in the family knew about it until after it happened, and it was just how she wanted.
Post # 7
I think it depends on your families. Will “small ceremony” just be you and the parents? Siblings? Aunts and Uncles (all of them, or do you want to just have a few that you’re really close to)? Grandparents? Cousins? Are any of the people you want to invite going to make an issue over the people you’re not inviting (ie mom is mad you’re excluding her sisters, aunt is mad you’re excluding her kids, FIs cousin is mad he’s not invited but your cousin is)? Are any of the people you’re not inviting going to make an issue over the fact that they’re not inviting (ie cousin is mad she’s not invited but your best friend is, one aunt is mad that her kids aren’t invited when your other cousins are)? If you have a clear list of people who are very close to you and people who aren’t, and don’t expect drama from anyone about it, then I’d say go for the small ceremony. This is a once in a lifetime thing, and it’s wonderful to share it with a small circle of those you love. But if you have a drama prone family, the more people you invite the more people can get mad about being excluded. It’s tough to argue with “we only invited parents” but to say “we only invited people close to us” gets tougher when some one feels hurt, like they didn’t make your “top 20 list”. You don’t want to feel pressuered into adding a few more people here and a few more there until you end up realizing you’re mailing 90 invitations to your “small ceremony”. So either way could be great, but I think you just need to honestly look at your families and see how you expect people to act.
Post # 8
My friends co-worker didn’t want to deal with the stress or drama of a wedding. They invited everyone to an “engagement party” at their home. I think they may have hired a DJ and had it catered, but it was a simple, laid back affair.
Anyway, the officiant was there and married them during the party. It was a surprise for everyone, but definitely drama free.
If this wouldn’t irritate your family and friends, and you haven’t had an engagement party yet, this could be an option.
Post # 9
Thanks for all your help! A small ceremony would include our immediate household family only, in order to avoid all the drama….I’m pretty sure that’s how it’ll end up!