To end or not- Engagement after 11 years together

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Hostess
7630 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

Do you want to be with him anymore? Besides the history, why are you together? It sounds like this realtionship isn’t good for you anymore. 

Post # 4
Member
525 posts
Busy bee

It  sounds like you botn faced a lot of stress together, and managed through at those moments. Did you feel a little slighted over certain things at those periods or did he meet all your emotional needs? I don’t think that in every couple the opposite person can actually meet every need – but meeting some of those needs, being supportive, and understanding your requests are things that are not too much to hope for. Can’t tell you to end anything or keep it going. There must be something strong in your relationship to handle those things you listed – but in your heart if you can’t see this as the rest of your life then consider moving on. You are not wrong either way.

Post # 7
Member
525 posts
Busy bee

@Caturday – I do hate to tell people answers. If you are looking for a lifetime together, you need a complimentary partner. There is a difference in making things work/compromise and letting yourself stay in a situation that won’t make you happy because of the players in it. Never feel bad about looking at your own health and wellbeing.

Post # 9
Member
3016 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014 - Prague

This is very tricky. You might need to take a break and see how you feel without him. I believe that all relationships have their ups and downs and even patches where one person doesn’t “feel” it– temporarily.

I think age might come into the equation in this situation, too. You’ve only had one other relationship… that makes me lean a little towards leaving. You really don’t sound happy.

Leaving someone who loves you is really difficult, but staying with him out of guilt doesn’t really do him any favors either.

You probably know what you need to do.  Do it.

Let us know how it all turns out!

Post # 10
Member
9226 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2018

I think you need a breather from each other. Yes he isn’t all gung ho about planning the wedding, but the engagement is way way more than just wedding planning. Have you tried to talk to him about things beyond just the wedding day, like your plans for a new home, finances, pets, kids, etc? And you said this other guy has a lot of qualities you look for, he probably appeals to you right now because your relationship with your FI is a little rocky, this other guy is probably far from perfect too. And do you really expect him to be really enthusiastic about an engagement he didn’t really have a choice in, regards the timing? Basically he was told to propose or he would be kicked out of your parents house. 

Post # 14
Member
4827 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2013 - Upstate NY

@Caturday:  The harderst thing for us sometimes to learn is that people do not change.

Post # 15
Member
9226 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2018

@Caturday:  I think a short break could be just what you need to reconnect 🙂 breathing space can work wonders!

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