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I’ve never commented on a post if I didn’t think I had anything constructive and positive to add. I guess that’s why I’m mostly a reader and not much of a commenter. Considering that @engagedandnormal said she has another handle, it was out of line for someone to tell her WB may not be the place for her just because she finds the waiting board a little weird. @MrBee – I don’t know if your admin status allows you to tell if @engagedandnormal used her original handle to help her cause. IF you accused her of doing so without any proof that would be pretty rude.
Most posters jumped in to say the waiting board is all warm fuzzies - it’s not. If you look at the current posts, the vibe is not all positive. When I scan the page here are some words I see: ticked-off . . . holding out . . . obsessed . . . frustrated . . . sending a prayer . . . Christmas challenge . . . engagement season . . . That’s just the first page as I’m writing this.
From a person who hasn’t been planning her wedding since grade school, I didn’t totally understand the perspective of someone waiting either. I’m not trying to make anyone feel bad but both sides need to be recognized. My personal opinion is that the waiting board may not be a good thing for SOME of the bees. The fact that two waiting bees made that same decision today makes me think that may be true.
But I have to say I agree with you that the waiting board is possibly not good for some bees-- and probbaly a good reason why two bees have chosen to take awhile off the boards in the past 24 hours...
Its hard to say for each person what is ok-- because we're all different, but I can see that constantly reading and making threads on WB period to a person who is hoping for an engagement can be almost like a suicide. I didnt even really start reading WB until after my SO and I went and looked at engagement rings, and while I am *waiting* I do know that it is in the midst, i just don't know exactly when.
For a majority of the waiting girls it appears to be another case. That theyve been with their SOs for awhile and are hoping for an engagement soon. I feel like even in my shoes being on WB has caused me to talk about the engagement/wedding plans even more, but again, we're all different. I would just hate to have a relationship end because they felt pressured or drove themselves crazy "waiting."
I know there a ladies who have been waiting for that proposal since grade school. Not being one of those women, I also find the Waiting board to be a little over the top sometimes. So while this person was perfectly in their right to express their opinion (this is the internet, after all), I could tell you without reading the original post that it wouldn't have been taken well. I continue to traverse this board because I have found the folks involved to be very understanding and well-meaning. But being told just because we find the "waiting desperately for that proposal so much that I ask my SO every day where that ring is and when is it going to be on my hot little finger" posts to be a little overwhelming, is no reason to say that we don't belong here.
Just my .02. :)
Hey lily_dsm - I definitely think engagedandnormal is entitled to her opinion! And I completely agree that both sides of the debate can and should be recognized.
I think the reaction to engagedandnormal's posts from other waiting board members came because some people felt a bit judged because the words "weird" and "odd" were used to describe the waiting brides several times. :-(
Also, the account name (created just for this thread) was "engaged and normal"... which perhaps implied that if you're not engaged and you're on Weddingbee, you're not normal.
In any case - whether you're engaged or waiting, I think and hope we can all co-exist on Weddingbee! All are welcome, but we do ask that everyone treat each other with respect in the comments! :-)
ps I do think the waiting boards are a bit busier lately because the holidays are comin' up - the holiday season is almost always the peak time of year for engagements! :-)
Lily, while I appreciate your concern for many of members on the waiting board, I feel like it's neither your nor anyone else's right to judge who should or shouldn't be on WB or the waiting boards. Seeing that the internet is pretty much unregulated, users have to use their best judgement about where they should be and when, like two of our girls have today.
Many of us are frustrated, but all our circumstances are different. Yes, I'm waiting for a proposal and yes, I'm sometimes frustrated when I hear about someone else getting engaged even though they've been dating for a shorter period of time. It's frustrating, and thankfully the girls on the waiting board are in the exact same boat I'm in!
They are a great group of girls and while many of us are waiting and/or frustrated, it also doesn't dominate our lives nearly as much as you apparently think it does. The girls on the waiting board, as a general rule, are incredibly supportive of eachother and excited when one of us graduates. We jump in just as often on the regular boards and posts as any of the engaged users, and we don't begrudge anyone of that.
For my own defense, I will have an exactly 5 month engagement before I get married thanks to having to move next August with my then-husband. That's not alot of time to start from scratch if I were to start planning in February, when we'll be getting engaged, so I'm starting now. Occasionally I do get frustrated, but our reasons for waiting to get engaged are valid and at the end of the day, I know that, as do most of the girls. The ones that don't also know that, and that's why they've taken the steps that they have. The two girls that left today are not the first, and they certainly won't be the last.
I feel like a lot of people see the girls on the waiting boards as being "obsessed" with getting engaged, etc. but don't think about the fact that this is probably the ONLY place where they talk about it! I know when I was still waiting I really wanted to join WB (and would have if I would have had any idea how active the waiting boards are) just because I didn't really have anyone to talk wedding stuff to, and it would have been nice.
I don't think these girls are obsessed with getting engaged, I just think that on a website dedicated to weddings in a board dedicated to those that are waiting to get engaged, of course that's what they're going to talk about! That doesn't mean it's all they think about in real life.
Just wanted to throw my two cents in.
I feel that it's not for us to judge what is normal or not. Everything taken in moderation is fine. I personally feel that some posters may come across as overly aggressive or obsessive but that's just internet posting. We don't really how who they're really like in real life. Some posters are very expressive and some are just more demure. We also don't know every context/details of why they're posting the things they're posting.
Also, just because you're engaged and on WB, doesn't make you more normal than another who's waiting. Some engaged girls are also overly obsessive about other things (e.g. dress, fonts, colors) just not the proposal to the point that anyone could find disturbing. So ...just keep an open mind and if you don't like what you're seeing, you don't have to read it.
honestly, who are we to judge them for "waiting"? I know it is not the exact same, but would you judge someone after a broken engagement or a divorce?
Maybe if it was our sister, and we had the full story, we might be concerned in this situation, but I don't think you can assume everyone on "waiting" is just wedding obsessed...h3ck, does being engaged mean you aren't that way, either? You could be engaged but only focus on the wedding and not the marriage...I don't think judging is the role of WB, but it's a good way to get input, ideas and support.
Overall, I have had an amazing experience on WB, and I'm glad that we have someone like Mr. Bee who makes sure it stays that way! However, I do think brides would like the option to not have 'waiting' in the 'all' list. I'm not one of them, but it's just an idea, if there was some way to customize this view. Now that there are so many boards, I usually just read 'all' as well, but I like 'waiting' since I was there when I joined and now I'm happily married...hopefully I can encourage the ladies!
Um, not to be a b**** but I think we're kind of beating a dead horse here.
We're all wierd and obsessive about something. Let's move on!
@cannotwait - Can you create an idea here, about possibly allowing members to "hide" posts from certain boards from their main boards view?
If there's interest, that's definitely something we could consider building! :-)
Ah, perfect example. I always misspell "weird" and have to correct myself. Doh!
Good point Amanda.lynn! Its true that this is probably the only "safe" place these ladies can talk about their waiting anxiety & have others relate to them!
I actually wish I knew about the hive before I got engaged... it would have saved me some strange feelings & emotions! I felt really strange to be angry with him while I was in the waiting period- although I had NO reason to be mad. Who knew it was just a normal "waiting" emotion.
Anyway, I was not the type of girl to dream about my wedding in grade school either :) I can see both sides Lily!! I don't disagree with you, but I don't entirely agree either. A lot of bees have left in the past because they felt it was unhealthy to constantly have a possible wedding on their brains... it even caused problems in their relationship!
I think it depends on the individual & only they know the reasons why they're here :)
More and more couples are steering away from the traditional engagement. I know personally I have had a lot of weird reactions because R and I decided together to become engaged, but I won't have the ring for another month or so because we're both full-time students and he has been making payments for months. We made the decision to get married together and so I kind of know when the proposal is coming and am planning my outfit, etc. I know that I've recently received a few posts thinking that my situation is not normal and asking point blank why I'd want that.
Most of the girls on the waiting board are exchanging ideas and talking about what is going on in their lives. I don't see how this is abnormal. That's like judging the newlyweds that stick around - I'm personally glad we have all sorts of people on here, it really adds to the community!
My FI brought up a good point to me once.. when he propsed, I got all nervous and we decided to just get a promise ring. Then we started planning a wedding. He was like, "Aren't we sort of engaged if we're planning a wedding already? I mean.. at least emotionally?" And it made me think of some friends I have that know they're going to marry their BF's, but are waiting for a few more months to get engaged. If you already know you're going to be married, even if there's no gold and diamonds to "seal the deal", aren't we all just emotioanlly engaged?
Getting engaged and married is one of the biggest things in a person's life- it is one of those next big steps that anyone would spend a lot of time thinking about. I really enjoy reading about and rooting for the waiting bees when an engagement is coming up. It brings back a really exciting time for me, but it also makes me happy when a computer friend has something good happen to them so that when they do get engaged I feel like I already "know" them. I waited for a long time for our engagement, I wish I had known there was such a supportive group here before getting engaged.
I'm quite offended by anyone passing judgment on any other person. WB is all about weddings, for those engaged or not. I consider myself "waiting" because I don't have the ring on my left hand. But, I'm planning a wedding already with the Mister. Everyone is entitled to their opinioin; but if that opinion is likely to offend or even perhaps hurt someone, keep it to yourself. As my mother always told me growing up, "If you don't have anything nice to say; don't say anything at all." Some things should be kept to yourself. I do agree that the waiting board is not for every one. TO EACH ITS OWN. But that doesn't make it something "weird" or "abnormal." What's weird is for someone that considers themself normal to pass judgment on someone else and to actually go read the threads on the board they claim to call "weird". Then again, I agree with Appleblossom that we're all obsessed with something... just like all the "engaged" bees are obsessed about their weddings or they wouldn't be on WB. SMH. So, again, to each its own and if you have a negative opinion about something KEEP IT TO YOURSELF!.
You know, one of the best things about Weddingbee is that we have so many people from so many different walks of life. We have our 40 something brides, our younger brides, our religious brides, conservative and liberal brides etc...
And you know what makes it all work here? It's a certain respect and tolerance for other opinions and other ways of life. We're so lucky to have that here.
I have really enjoyed getting to know the waiting bees. It's a fun crowd and they never get riled when I post on their threads (thanks waiting bees!). I know we can all be equally inclusive.
I hope we all hold ourselves to a high level of tolerance and respect for each other... and default to benefit of the doubt before judgment :)
Edited to add: you know when I first came here there was a mild anti-waiting sentiment, and I was so glad to see that it had fallen by the wayside. I certainly don't see how waiting bees would be doing anything that would upset the other board bees or vice versa.
Part of me wonders if engagedandwaiting is a troll: http://www.nytimes.com/2008/08/03/magazine/03trolls-t.html
Troll or not, she could've been more tactful, and I understand why her comments were hurtful. Definitely a tense day around here. Thank goodness for mrbee!
I'm in health care and I don't pass judgement on others or assume their health or status based on an internet post.
I also am a lady in waiting for the interim, haven't started planning my wedding in kindergarten, and consider myself quite normal thank you.
I am also an encore bride. Doing things a bit differently. We'll have a shorter engagement and that's great. I'm also having an intimate wedding. I've begun my planning already because..shhhh it's a secret...I love planning parties NOT just weddings!
Long after my wedding day has gone away, I'll be sure to be planning family get togethers, cocktail parties, and holiday gatherings. It's who I am. Long before I was ever on this site or thought of even dating again.
I agree w/Mrs. DG in that we all need to be tolerant towards others. If everybody were the same on this site, it sure would be a boring place! I agree that the waiting board is lots of fun. I don't see any different imho, between posts wondering or questioning when they're getting engaged or a frustration on another board with a bridesmaid. ALL of these issues are unique. And the one thing we all have in common is this...THERE IS LOVE in our lives.
I think that's what we should all focus on. Our one huge and over-riding common denominator. We're all blessed with love here.
i'm a somewhat active poster on the waiting board [among other boards] and a very long-time reader of the 'bee and it saddens me that one specific board would be singled out like this.
that said, as a waiter, i was not one of those girls who dreamed of their wedding day since i was young. this has been a recent phenomenom within the last couple of years once the boy and i actively started discussing marriage on a regular basis. judging the contents of a board and it's posters based on the post titles alone is a disservice to those of us who are participating. many of the commenters on this board offer constructive advice and opinions to many other boards, not just this one. i invite everyone who is curious as to what goes on here to take a look at a few posts BEFORE passing judgement on us.
as a long-time reader, i was excited when the waiting board was created because i did feel a little weird for being such an avid and active participant who was not engaged. this board brought a lot of other readers in my shoes together and gave us a safe place to vocalize how we feel during this time pre-engagement. i'm sure these feelings we're experiencing are not exclusive to us. i'm sure there were many other engaged and married ladies who went through the same things we are going through who understand just how isolating this could be. we can't always talk to our friends about these things because they might not understand or might be tired of hearing about it. this is our safe place to go to vent, commiserate, encourage and congratulate one another. just like every other board here. please do not belittle our feelings by questioning the validity of our existence in this arena.
the thing that rubbed a lot of us the wrong way was how we were categorized as being "obsessive" and "not normal" for thinking and talking about weddings and engagements before being engaged and how it seemed that the OP accused some of us of harrassing our SOs into proposing before they were ready, which is far from the truth. she also stated that she wished the boards had an option of "neg or plus a post that you agree or don't agree with" which made it seem she disapproved of us. if someone came onto any of the other boards and decided you were not "normal" and were obsessive over your weddings, dress, centerpieces, etc, or accusing you of forcing your FIs into being more involved in wedding planning when they should just be left alone, you would not be too happy about that either.
we're not always going to agree with one another but it is hoped that would could peaceably coexist with one another. and it's sad to think that maybe we're not a valued or liked group in the bigger scheme of things. are we misfits? i thought the inclusiveness was what made weddingbee different from the other boards. but maybe it isn't so different after all?
You've got to be kidding me. Now the ladies in waiting are catching flak? 
Erg.
If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. So I'm just going to walk away from this one.
I'm so mad right now I can't even post on the chat thread, because we aren't supposed to talk about this in there, and it's all I can think about.
Seriously, if the waiting board is a problem for you, don't go on it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 
*fuming*
@honeybun - I'm frustrated too. The ridiculous level has reached its peak. Sigh.
Regardless of what was said today, I like the waiting board. I was in the waiting position longer than i've been engaged. when you know you're gonna marry someone, you know, so I can totally relate to you girls. Love you all :)
Yeah, I'm turning my frustration into "killing with kindness" as in making sure those of you who post in waiting know that I like reading them. I read all threads, I'm no discriminator!
I have had knots in my stomach all day over this ordeal - I love WB for the supportive community and today I feel that was ruined! UGH!
It's killing me not knowing who it is! I almost don't want to talk to anyone now, because it could be anyone, and I don't want to talk to them!!!! LOL
I just want to emphasize that only a few people have expressed any concerns about the Waiting board... while it has met with overwhelming support overall from the community!!
Props to those waiting! We love all the bees! All the diversity here is what makes us AMAZING and BEE-AUTIFUL!
Even when the ring goes on my finger soon, I will be always grateful for the love, friendship, and kindness shown to me from the ladies of the waiting board! And I'll still post there and cheer there and give support there, just as I do on other boards here.
I'm glad to hear it, Mr. Bee.
Viva la Waiting Board! It deserves to be here as much as any other board!
:D and it was all my fault by starting a congratulatory thread for iggie!! wow.. who knew how much flack a congratulations i'm excited thread can cause. honestly if you have anything against anyone in waiting pm me, no one else started that thread, I DID. no one else posts as much as me in waiting. i think i have passed them all and most of the women on any board to be honest with you :D (geaux me!!). therefore i am the epitome of what it means to wait, be desperate, whatever terminology has been used today. i honestly would like to be the thread killer on this one and whatever other comments that should be had can actually come directly to me because i am the one who starts the congratulatory threads. also, please note there is a function on your screen where you can close a post if it offends you that greatly. i have done it oftentimes. i apologize that women waiting to be engaged cause that much concern and distaste. believe me when i say after reading all of these posts today after congratulating someone and respecting engagedandnornal's post, the feeling is mutual.
eta we can have very meaningful banter (which I thought engagedandnormal and I were doing before everything went haywire while I was at work)... I just don't think that many women here need to be a part of it...
I have to say this. I'm an encore bride. If it were NOT for weddingbee, we wouldn't have a place for us to talk about our unique situations. Vent frustrations. Smile, laugh, and cheer about our situations. We're different. But we're in love too. We're bees and encores.
Until we were given that voice here, we hadn't anywhere to go.
I feel it's the same for each unique board, like waiting for example.
We're given the gift of having a unique voice and set of circumstances here at WB and we can all have as much fun as we want without barriers.
I've read through this post and the OP in question. My opinion is that it's up to the girls in waiting to decide what is or isnt "Healthy" for them. Personally, when I was waiting I may have watched a few too many episodes of Bridezillas which made me even more antsy to be engaged! Fortunately, I had an awesome bf, now husband who took it as a hint? hehe. Anyway, he proposed and it all worked out for the better, though it probably would have made me crazier if I had kept watching and it didnt happen.
Please, though, give a little credit to the engaged-to-be's. They know what they can handle, and if dreaming up their wedding a little before there is a ring on their finger makes them happy, keeps them occupied, who is anyone else to say that is "weird" or "not normal" in any way.
It kind of gives me the impression EngagedandWaiting feels she is holier than thou just because she is already engaged. In that case, it's only working against her and hasn't changed my healthy happy opinion of all the waiting bees out there. :) Happy engagement season everyone!
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