Post # 1
A really good friend of ours has chosen to have a destination wedding with just her immediate family. My friends and I (while otherwise would have been invited) were talking about what we should do about a gift and there are mixed feelings. Some feel since they are not hosting a wedding or a party when they get back that there is no reason to get a gift, but others feel like they are good friends and we should get something, especially since she got us gifts for our weddings. I think we want to all try to do the same thing but there is no consensus yet. I’m curious what the bees forum thinks proper etiquette is. She did not have a shower but we did do a girls bachelorette weekend in Austin. I know she is not expecting anything, but some of us feel like it would be a nice thing to do. Let me know bees!
Post # 2
If you want to give her a gift, do. If you don’t, don’t. You are under no obligation either way.
Post # 3
I’d get her something if she’s a close friend and the simple fact that she got you gifts for your wedding… Mainly I’d get her one because she’s NOT expecting it. If she were, I wouldn’t.
Post # 4
I don’t think a gift would be expected but if you want to give a gift, you should feel free. I don’t think there needs to be concensus – each person or couple can decide if they want to give a gift. Personally, I’d probably give a small gift like tickets to the movies or a bottle of champagne with a nice congratulatory note.
Post # 5
If you want to get her a gift, get her a gift.
Honestly, I think it’s a little bit petty that people are saying there’s no party so why should we get her something. The gift is to congratulate the couple, not thank them for inviting you to a party.
Post # 6
I think this falls under “gift giving is always a choice and never an obligation.” There is technically really never an obligation to get someone a gift. There are certain times when culturally it is expected, like when you attend someone’s wedding. There are also times where you can get someone a gift because you decide to do so.
If you want to get this friend a gift, I say get them a gift and don’t care about what the consensus is among your other friends. I also wouldn’t tell my friends the final decision that I made.
Post # 7
- Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA
A gift is to say “CONGRATS ON YOUR MARRIAGE!”, not “Thanks for the free food and booze.” So I would say yes.
Post # 8
dng329: If I were in a similar situation, I would send a gift because I would want to acknowledge and celebrate my good friend’s marriage, and I would spend the normal amount I generally spend on good friends’ wedding gifts. I would do the same if I was invivted to a friend’s wedding a couldn’t make it for some reason. I view the gift as a congratulations to the newly married couple 🙂
Post # 9
merpitymerp: +1 Those that want to give a gift can do so. Those that dont, shouldnt. Pretty easy.
Post # 10
I think a small congratulatory gift would be appropriate, and there would be no need for consensus among your group. Perhaps not a huge gift, as it might be awkward if some of your friends give nothing and others give something.
Post # 11
I think a gift would definately be appropriate if she is a good friend. You shouldnt stiff people just because they arent throwing a party. Its a way to give congratulations for a life changing event and it should be acknowledged.