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I would say make a registry, but make no mention of it. Engagement parties aren't typically gift giving occasions, so advertizing a registry just seems off. But, if your family/friends WANT to shop off a registry, they'll ask you/close family about it, and you can say "We started a wedding registry at XYZ" without breeching etiquette.
Personally, I wouldn't shop off a registry for a shower, nor do I think it's expected. I would, however, probably bring a bottle of champagne, a wedding planning book (if I was close w/ the bride and knew they needed one), or something else small, and a note of congratulations. I don't like going to any event empty handed, I feel it's bad etiquette as a guest to do so.
Never never never put registry information with an invite. It is beyond presumptuous and tells the guests that you're more interested in a gift than in their attendance.
I was told never to show up to a party without a gift of some sort even if its just a bottle of wine.
If you want your guests to give you gifts from a registry though, you will have to give them the information.
Make a registry and have parents spread the word.. I don't think it is customary for everyone to bring gifts to an engagement party.
I went to a friends and brought them a bottle of champagne and some nice champagne glasses. I was one of only a few that brought gifts, and I never got a thank you card! :(
Thanks everyone :) great info! Since most of the guests will want to buy us a gift.. how exactly am I meant to notify them? There will be 100+ people so I can't tell them all. Also, FI and I are throwing our own shower with guests RSVPing to us.. so I don't know how to go about sharing the registry info :S
thanks
Haha wow that was a lot of options up there :) I chose I always come with a gift, because in any situation I do. If I'm invited over to someone's house for dinner I at least bring a bottle of wine or a dessert with me. I would for sure get a card and some cash for the engagement party. I would probably reserve the registry gifts for bridal shower/actual wedding. Just my opinion...?
I would NEVER show up to a party without a gift. My close friends got me pieces of my china, but it was before I registered. I mostly got wine from everyone else.
I always bring 2 small gifts to an engagement party - one for the couple, one for the host/hostess. Usually wine, a nice candle, something for their home, etc.
Is it customary where you live to throw your own shower? Its typically frowned upon here.
as an aussie its quite the norm to open an invite and there be a card with registry details - never knew it was bad form until WB
doesnt matter what the occasion, if im invited to something i bring a gift and an engagement party would score a card and $100 but if you are registered i know my husband would prefer to buy off that
@eloping: thanks for that. I feel relieved lol. We will prob end up putting it in the invite.. I guess different countries/cultures do things differently. FMIL believes the engagement party is used for gift giving and the wedding for cash giving.. hmmm dunno lol
PS no need to tell anyone your registry. Believe me they'll find it. They'll either google or as your parents
@Grizz: Okay :) I have never heard of buying the host a gift - we don't do that here. (well not the guests.. the bride/groom maybe but the guests are never obligated to. Usually someone else will throw the showers (kichen teas/bachelorette/baby shower) but for parties such as the engagement or wedding, the couple and their parents will usually throw the party. It is in no way frowned upon here. The guests attendance is enough of a gift let alone them taking all the time in planning a party!
@PinkMagnolia: Thanks but I don't think the stores we will be using have online registries. I think guests have to physically go in or call. I think over the phone payments are possible and then the store will gift wrap and send directly to our home/engagement party. Also, a lot of our friends don't know our parents so I don't think asking them is an option :(
@kfiorita: That's why I wanted to ask first :) I noted your location, and figured things were probably different there!
A lot of our guests straight up asked us where we were registered, so I don't think you will need to worry about it! Your friends and family will want to get you something that you like, so most will ask or find out some other way.
I personally think registeries are perfectly acceptable. It's not like you are forcing others to buy off of it, merely suggesting it. If people choose not to buy off of the registery, that's their choice.
But I know where you're coming from with registeries being a touchy issue in Australia! So many of my older relatives insist that ANY form of registery or wishing well is rude, yet all of my similar-aged friends and family see nothing wrong with them (or if they do they say nothing about it). It's so difficult to try and balance your wants with the whinges and complaints of the naysayers.
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FI and I are organising an engagement party. We are having a formal cocktail evening with platters of food going around and an open bar. With both have quite large families so there will be approx 100-130 people there. Knowing our family and friends, it is likely thsat they will get us a gift (either an actual gift or money). We are deciding whether it is a good idea to put in a registry.. we won't be having a 'website' (we don't really do that in Australia), but we could slip in another slip of paper with our invitation with registry details so guests could get us something we actually want.
Just some background info... FI and I still live at home with parents so we don't have our own place. We would be putting bits and pieces on the registry like steak knives, water glasses, and so on. Obviously leaving the bigger items to get ourselves later on for when we actually have somewhere to put them haha.
So what do you think?