(Closed) To give a gift or not?

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Would you give a gift?
    Yes : (6 votes)
    14 %
    No : (36 votes)
    86 %
  • Post # 3
    2705 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    I would just get them a nice card.   You definitely don’t have to get a gift.

    Post # 4
    3690 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I wouldn’t give a gift. This was obviously a last-minute invite, and it seems like kind of a gift-grab to begin with. Especially since you’re not attending the wedding, I wouldn’t feel obligated to send a gift.

    Post # 5
    3078 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    That’s weird.  I’d just give him a card.  Probably with no money.

    Post # 6
    1870 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    I might get them something small… that is only because he attended his bachelor party. If he had thought they knew each other well enough to do that then I think getting something small for their wedding maybe $15 should be a good gift.

    Post # 7
    2908 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    I don’t think you have to. I invited a whole bunch of my coworkers, because I would love to have them there and celebrate with them, but I’m definitely not expecting a gift from anyone who isn’t able to come. Frankly, I hope that we *don’t* get gifts from anyone who isn’t able to come. I don’t want anyone to think we invited them just to get a gift! So no, I don’t think you should get them a gift. If anything, maybe just send a congratulatory card. 

    Post # 8
    10453 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: February 2014

    I’ve never given a gift if I couldn’t attend the wedding. 

    Post # 9
    91 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    I think either a card or a small gift would be appropriate.

    Post # 10
    3625 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    Darling Husband and I always gift even if we can’t attend a wedding. However, it would appear that this is a list B or C invite (giving the time frame) so I would probably do a small gift, maybe $15 or so. There are a lot of things at Kohl’s, Target, Ikea, and Home Goods that would fit the bill and not scream “cheap”.


    Post # 11
    9955 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    Ok Etiquette Snob here (comes with my career)

    First and foremost, just so you know…

    There is nothing wrong with a handwritten invitation… and altho the timing isn’t ideal, there are definitely folks who have a Quickie Wedding without a lot of prelude / forewarning.

    Although I guess he knew the date at least a week ago when your Fiance went to the Bachelor Party

    To me, this looks a lot like a case of a B-List Invite…

    In that they probably have had some RSVPs come back NO… and now have room to add a few more people

    Again nothing wrong with being on the B-List… although it is usually done in such a way that it isn’t perhaps apparent to the Guest (more lead time)

    As to whether to go or not that is up to you

    If you don’t go, you don’t have to send a gift (Gifts are never a requirement any how)

    And if you do send a gift, then it should be appropriate to the level of comfort you have with the couple

    If you aren’t close something smaller… than say if it was your best friend… or a family member

    If you choose not to send a gift… a card is always a nice thought

    Hope this helps,


    Post # 12
    1649 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2000

    my vote is for a card too

    Post # 13
    302 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    I would definitely give a gift since he did get an invite.  However, you can find something for under $25.00.  I would just run to T.J. Maxx or Marshall’s and pick up a pretty glass vase or picture frame…something basic.

    Post # 15
    1202 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    @futuremrsgo:  If you aren’t friends with either the groom or bride, I would just send a nice congratulatory card in place of an actual gift. Or like PP said, get them a small denomination gift card with the card. 🙂 

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