- Blog
- Bios
- Boards
- Classifieds
- DIY
- Gallery
- Vendor Reviews
- Shop Weddingbee
Weddingbee boards
Hmm... If I were in your shoes I would go but take a reasonable gift-- something they registered for, or something sentimental. If travel is involved, it would depend on how far away. If I can drive there and back in the same day, sure. If it requires staying somewhere overnight I am less likely to go if it is not someone we are very close with.
What are your FI's thoughts about this?
IMG_0344.JPG (99.1 KB, 39 downloads) 1 year old IMG_0321.JPG (128.9 KB, 34 downloads) 1 year old 
I probably wouldn't. A third cousin? Is that even family? LoL. If you can't afford it, I don't think it will matter and I doubt they'll even notice (or care) if you are there if you guys are all not very close.
I make it a point not to go to weddings if my FI or I don't actually know the couple well enough.
Is your only reason for not going because they expect a large monetary gift? What makes you think they are expecting a large monetary gift? How old are you and FI? Are you guys established enough for the wedding couple to expect you to travel to their wedding AND give a large gift? Yesh...that's a lot of expectations...whenever something starts to make me stress, I usually bail...
If most of the family that you know and are close with are not going, then I think its ok for you not to go either. It sounds like you only got invited for the gifts anyway...maybe send something small from teh registry, if you can addord it.
Thank you missrain!
My FI doesn't want to go either. His cousin expects $300 from us both. She sent out an email to the whole family indicating that she would like monetary gifts and that she is hoping people will pay $150 each to cover their dinner. He doesn't care if his mom is forcing us to go. I'm the one who's more concerned about it. I don't want to start off on a negative foot with my FMIL especially since I'm marrying into the family. I just want to know if it's really that bad if we send her a NO as a response? Do people really take offense if they get NO for an rsvp response?
Why does she expect a large monetary gift from you? How did you find that out? I think that is a bit weird.
Like the other girls said, if you don't have to travel, you are not 'required' to go but it would be nice (esp. if your FI wants to go). If you would have to travel and stay over night, it may not be within reason for you. And if you do decide to go, purchase a gift from their registry that is in line with something you would normally purchase for a distant relative.
I think that if you CAN go and there is not much of a financial burden (travel, hotel, etc.) then you should go.
Why do you say they EXPECT a large monetary gift?
I dont think its offensive at all! In fact.. I started hoping for "nos" when a lot of people that I didnt expect to come RSVPed with a yes!! lol
You are distant family (and how amazingly rude of her to send that email) and i dont think it would be an issue at all if you didnt attend. If it was a first cousin that you are close to, thats a different story.
I would RSVP with a polite no.. then send a nice card with a monetary gift that you can afford.. like a 50 visa gift card or something.
That's crazy! She really sent an email out saying that? If I were you I'd go (just 'cause I love weddings!) and get her a gift card somewhere for $50 or less.
Good luck!
Thankyou ejs4y 8 and FutureMrsMorgan!
My reasons for not wanting to go is because we're not close at all. She and I are getting married at the same church. She lied to me when I was asking her for advice regarding the ceremony. She said that there's no way I would get into the church, and that I'd have to have been a registered member for 6 years. Well, I thought it was a bit fishy so I looked into it myself and discovered that it wasn't true at all! Now I'm getting married at that same church and she is really bitter.
Also, she sent out an email to the whole family saying that she is not creating a registry because she prefers monetary gifts. She is asking everyone for $150 each to cover their dinner costs. You are absolutely right, FutureMrsMorgan, my FI and I only got invited for the gifts, lol.
Thanks ladies! I just wanted to add another detail. She specifically indicated in her invitations in bold lettering: PLEASE, NO BOXED GIFTS.
So I don't want to show up with an item. She doesn't even have a registry. She said she tried to register with Bank of America but it didn't work out.
I believe wedding invitations are always optional, which is why we request RSVP. So, just send a very nice "declines with regret," a gift card in whatever amount you'd like, and leave it alone. She should be fine with that. Seriously, if her etiquette radar is so off that she sends an EMAIL requesting money, you have no obligation to her except to be polite.
143049_green_napkins_jpg.jpg (39.2 KB, 41 downloads) 1 year old
That seems a bit tacky... telling people "this is what you have to get me" AND expecting $150/plate at the guests' expense?
I second whoever it was that said to send a polite "no" RSVP with a nice card and a check you can afford.
Dude...I just wanted to add more after reading your response. She sent an email!! Seriously? I wonder what she's having for dinner that its $150 a head...maybe she included the cost of rentals, etc in that cost...but I digress. I changed my mind, you dont have to go. Yesh...what a brat...
Crazy. She sounds fun. 
I think you guys need to come up with a nice little excuse for FMIL (work convention you can go to? do you have nieces or nephews that need to be watched for the weekend?), and send that RSVP with no.
Yeah, just because she sent out that email (which is crazy!!) doesn't mean you've got to shell out some huge dollar amount. I wouldn't go personally, just because she's distant and if neither of you knows the couple very well, eh, why bother. But if you do, don't break your own bank to give her the monetary amount she's expecting.
The cousin sounds crazy! If FI doesn't want to go, then decline the invite and then let him tell his mom. If she comes and asks you, just let her know that it was FI's decision and she should bug him about it if she thinks that declining the invitation is really rude, since the decision is not yours to make (not your cousin!).
That's insane. I try to avoid the t-word, but the gift request for a specific amount sent to the whole family including third cousins is horrifyingly tacky. (As is the idea of "registering" at a bank. WHAT?)
In my fantasy revenge world, I would send the ugliest platter I could find. Or a $20 gift card to somewhere she would never shop.
In actual life, I say go ahead and RSVP no, and send a nice card, perhaps with a small monetary gift if you choose. Let FH handle it with FMIL, and I think it's fine if he says something like "we hardly know her, so we don't want to take the time and expense to go to her wedding. Besides, given that email, we can't help but feel that she's fishing for gifts."
I agree w/ Ms Morgan. After reading more about this, heck no would I go! That is crazy!
Have fun at your $150/person wedding, 3rd cousin!
RSVP no and send a nice card, I would not send a gift if you are not going because she sounds as if if it's not $300, it isn't good enough for her. So, keep your money for your wedding and have a nice glass of wine with your sweetie on your couch on the night of the wedding :)
You ladies are AWESOME!!! Thanks very much, bees!
worcesterbride - LOL at the thought of sending an ugly platter or a $20 gift card to a store that she doesn't know, hahah.
emileee - you're right, she's not my cousin so I'll let FI deal with it :)
You must log in to post.
| Visit our sister sites | eHarmony Online Dating |
eHarmony Advice Dating Advice |
Project Wedding Wedding Songs |
JustMommies Pregnancy Calendar |
Create the honeymoon of your dreams.
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| MissBoPeep | 93 |
| beargoose | 55 |
| hisgoosiegirl | 51 |
| ndreighton | 51 |
| Mrs.KMM | 46 |
| BetterSherm | 42 |
| akp0702 | 41 |
| stardustintheeyes | 36 |
| MrsPom | 36 |
| Beckster329 | 36 |
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| stardustintheeyes | 20 |
| Beckster329 | 10 |
| BetterSherm | 10 |
| beargoose | 9 |
| MissBoPeep | 8 |
| Mrsgurzakovic | 8 |
| PookyShoes | 8 |
| Mrs.KMM | 7 |
| hisgoosiegirl | 7 |
| GroovyHippieChick | 7 |
Hello bees!
My fiance's cousin has a wedding coming up in July. I don't really feel like going becasue she expects a huge monetary gift from us and we are financially tight because we are planning our own wedding.
This cousin of his is not very close to him. She's a third cousin. A lot of family members are not going to this cousin's wedding because she decided to exclude all kids under 18, and so a lot of the other relatives were outraged that their kids were left out and they'd have to hire babysitting services.
However, my FMIL said that we have to go out of courtesy. Not sure what to do? Is it really that bad if we RSVP'd no?