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My husband and I were both set on having another one from the beginning; hell, we're already talking about #3. :) So, I'm not much help there.
I have to say, though, that the pregnancy part is easier in a lot of ways, this second time around. It's not as consuming, and I'm much more relaxed about everything. Also, I've had time to research the difficulties I had with my first pregnancy and plan accordingly. As a result, I've been a lot less sick and generally enjoyed this pregnancy more.
Honestly, though, I think you should only have another if you and your husband want another baby. Obviously, you do gain some cool things by having more than one, but you would also have to make some sacrifices, and there's no predicting what relationship your son would have with a future sibling. If you and your husband feel like a second baby would complete your family, you should go for it. If not, remember you have plenty of time to change your mind, and concentrate on all the wonderful moments that come with only having one. :)
I totally see what you mean about the second pregnancy possibly being easier. I am happy you are finding it easier. I thought about that, and I think it would be easier for us the second time around because we would know what we were getting ourselves into, and there wouldn't be as much lifestyle adjustment as before. Also, like you said, you would be better equipped as to how to have a healthier/happier pregnancy. For example, weight gain really bothered me during my pregnancy, so I would probably join some type of pregnancy work out class to keep me healthy and in check.
I really do think my husband wants another baby. He goes back and forth with it, as do I, but if we were dead set on no more children we would probably just not even bring it up. While I find we both bring it up quite often. Times like the holidays help me realize how much more fun these times could be for my son if he had a brother or sister to run around with and tease, and laugh with. Like I did with my sisters. But then like you said, there is no telling they would definitely have a good relationship. My two cousins didn't, but then again, I also think there was some type of parental favoritism going on there as well.
I guess for now we'll just enjoy what we have, and come back to it in a few months.
Do you work, or plan on going back to work? I also think it would be difficult to do so with two children.
I was an only child and I really didn't like it. There weren't many kids to play with in my neighborhood so I spent a lot of time alone or with my mom, and to this day I still wish I'd had a sibling to grow up with.
DH and his brother are like apples and oranges, sometimes it's hard to believe they're even brothers, but they still have that sibling bond. As much as they have their differences, they are brothers first and foremost. I really do feel like I missed out on that kind of relationship.
Plus unless DH's brother settles down and has kids (seems unlikely right now) I'll never get to be an aunt. I'm already jealous of my friends who have nieces and nephews, lol.
I know there are only children out there who were perfectly happy to have the household to themselves, but for me it was quite a lonely existence.
I won't be working any more after #2 gets here (I'm due April 1), but I've been wanting to quit since we had Addie. I'm also in grad school now, so quitting this spring is partially so I can spend more time on my schoolwork, as well.
I think making the decision to have another can be hard. Like I said, both my husband and I were certain we wanted another baby, but sometimes we still question ourselves. I know I won't have as much time/attention/money/patience/etc... for either kid, and it makes me feel a little guilty. Obviously, I hope our kids have a great relationship, but I'm one of five and I only speak with one of my sisters, so I worry about that. Overall, though, I know it's the right choice and we both really wanted another, so the negatives don't outweigh the positives, for us.
I was an only child and it wasn't a happy experience, it still isn't.
When I was growing up, I never had someone to play with unless I had a playdate... there were a lot of lonely times for me as a kid with dolls or books. I mean it wasn't the worst thing in the world.
Now that we're older all of my friends are now SO close with their siblings and it stings a little. My kids won't ever have aunts or uncles either like I did growing up (my parents came from huge families).
On the other hand, I'm very close with my parents and I don't feel like I was "spoiled". There was a lot more money and vacations for me, but it didn't make me a brat.
Alright I am an only child and for the most I think it was/is totally fine. My whole childhood I was busy in dance, baseball and horses, I spent tons of time hanging with friends and my dad spent hundreds of hours playing with me when my friends weren't around. Honestly I don't think I missed out one bit being an only child especailly since all the attention was on me and I was able to do so much in my childhood.
But now that I am grown I am finding it much harder, my parents moved 3 1/2 hours a away, I am not really close with my extended family and I lost most of my friends after college so needless to say I am pretty loney most of the time. My FI does a wonderful job of spending time with me but somedays it would be nice to have someone else in the family to spend time with. Also I am very worried about what will happen when my parents get older, they are pretty independent and finanically stable but if anything happens that responability is going to fall on me and only me and that is scary.
Something to think about.
I'm an only child, and while it did get lonely sometimes, I didn't really mind it all that much. I matured faster than a lot of my peers because I was hanging around adults all the time (my grandmother and great-aunt's friends, mostly). Being an only child doesn't always mean a horrible, lonely existence, nor does it mean your kid's going to end up spoiled--you just have to make sure to keep him/her busy (play dates, activities, etc.) and make sure the child is being properly socialized. I'm actually glad I didn't have any siblings.
I agree, I can say I had a super happy childhood overall because my parents were extremely involved in my life, I had a few friends that were only childern and there parents weren't involved much at all, they were pretty lonely kids.
Interesting ladies. I appreciate all the input. And honestly, just the thought of having another baby does bring joy to my life. But then I think about our wonderful family vacay and how that probably won;t be a reality. Then I think, that means 2 college funds, 2 birthdays, 2 kids at Christmas, 2 childrens extra curriulars. Ayy ayyy ayyy.....
So much to think about!!!!
I'm glad you posted this! I'm in that weird stage now where we are deciding what the next step is. I have an 8 year old DS from a previous relationship but my DH has been with us since DS was a baby. Mr. Lala still wants to add a few more babies to the mix, but I was all set with just the one! I turn 30 in a few months and had told him when we started dating that once I'm 30 we can start trying for one more. Now that I'm getting closer, I'm scared!
My DS has been bringing it up more often lately. The other day he said he wants a brother so his kids can have an Uncle. Sweet baby! So cute.
I just don't think I have it in me to deal with pregnancy and newborn stuff now! I was 21 the first time around and it was easy! I go to bed at 8:30 now...ahhhh!
Oooh haha. You are still young though. Alot of ladies I know are just having their first at your age, or even older! But it is scary to think about doig it all over again, especially since your son is so much older. But I think it's very sweet that your son wants another one, that way you know he'll be a good big brother.
Why not just wait another year and see how you feel? If you decided you wanted another one at that point the kids would still be close enough in age that they would be appreciative of having each other.
@Cash000: I am currently pregnant with our first child - only 6 weeks along tomorrow - I want this baby so bad, but I'm not going to lie and say I'm one of those supermoms who really enjoys being pregnant. I knew before we even conceived that I would really struggle with it and actually have dreaded the whole ordeal since the thought of having children ever crossed my mind. I get terrible migraines and to take away my aspirin alone has already sent me to the ER once. I'm usually on prescription medication, and I certainly have never before been deprived of my 1-2 glasses of wine every night... it's just not me.
I wonder myself if when I get through this I'll be able to do it again to have a second child. I WANT two children, I really do. The only thing that will keep me even considering it after we have this one is that fact that my own mother failed so badly at being a mother and I thank God every day for giving me two wonderful sisters who have carried me through everything in my life. I don't know where or who I would be without them, and depriving my child of that support in life is just not something I can see myself doing. And while I plan to be the best mom I can, what if something ever happened to me? I want my child to have siblings to love and lean on always.
@Cash000: This an a very interesting topic. I am not pregnant but I have strongly considered only having one child when that time comes. I enjoy working, having a great career, travel and honestly free time relaxing with my mate. I am concerned if I don't have at least two my child would be lonely. However, I also consider if I have two I may be stretching myself and forsaking the type of life I imagine for my family. This is a great post!
I will say that I am not in your situation. I have 3 kids, and we would like 1 more. What I wanted to comment on was when your kids grow up. When my Grandparents passed away, my Mom said she was so thankful for her brothers. She would have been so overwhelmed and sad without their help and support. I know that may seem a long way off though. Also, I had 2 brothers growing up, and even though we never had grand vacations, we did go on a couple nice vacations, and we always has somebody to share stuff with. I know you didn't direct this question to me, but I hope I helped. Good luck with your decision!
I feel like I’m sort of in your situation. I was just thinking about it today, so I’m really happy you made a post about it! Right now I’m stay at home mom to our 3 yr old daughter and a full time student, while DH works. Next fall (hopefully!) I’ll start the nursing program for my RN, and that is full time all year long. I really REALLY want another baby, but I know that it would mess up the school plans (I would probably have to take a year off, since the classes are designated to certain semesters). I have about 3 years left, and while I know I could wait I feel as though I’m depriving DD of a sibling. I feel with a 4 year difference they would have more chances to play with each other, than say a 7 year difference. Another part of me is like, well getting my schooling done will allow me to have a career, which accomplishes a life plan, but at the same time – Isn’t family part of the life plan too? I’m 26, so I know I have a good amount of baby making years ahead of me; I just don’t want DD to be lonely.
Sorry to get off track! Any who, yes I completely understand where you are coming from and get why it is soooo confusing.
I did not like being pregnant, and I since my son didn't come out yet, I can not express myself on the joys of afterbirth either... But what I do know is that we plan on having a second baby pretty soon after this first one.
I am an only child and while I had a great childhood and while I was young, I didn't miss having siblings, today I really miss that. My parents couldn't have any more children so it's not their fault or anything. But when I look at DH and his sister's relationship, I'm sad that I have no clue what it's all about. Also, seeing how my parents are not getting younger, I am faced with the fact that, if it were not for DH and his family, when my parents go I would be alone in life. I will have to deal with all of their stuff when they go; I will be alone to care for them if they get sick...
So, for me, it's not a question, if I can have children, I will absolutely have two, so that my first one doesn't have to be alone.
But I will say, we'll be having the second one right after the first, because I know once I get comfortable with our first, I will be in your position and will second guess the decision because I don't want to be pregnant again and all those things. So might as well get done with it all at once, plus the children will be close in age, which I think is really good for them.
This is exactly how I feel. The pregnancy the first time was so hard on me, because there was alot of lifestyle adjusting. But the second time around I feel would be easier, because my life is already adjusted. There won't be any missing wine nights, because I don't have the time or energy or sheer want for that anymore.
And I totally understand how you feel about your sisters. I feel the same way. My sisters were the ones I would confide in, and the ones that would make me dinners at night. And whenever things got really tough, we had eachother. Now I know, my sons upbringing will be different, but like you, what if something happens to my husband and I, who will he have left to share memories with?
I hope you adjust to your pregnancy soon, and can enjoy it. Once you start feeling the baby move, and bounce around inside of you, it makes it alot more enjoyable.
Exactly! I want to be able to travel with our son, and do fun things without having to worry so much about the cost. I know with two the lifestyle we want will be compromised, but then a whole other aspect of joy and happiness will enter our lives, so really it's just about whats ore important to us. But I am struggling with figuring that out.
Like I said before I am an only child, but when I do have kids I will not have an only child unless medical issues prevent it. The fact that I will be alone when my parents are gone, and I will be solely responsible for their care as when they get older scares me so much and I don't want that for my children.
@Mrs Grape: Love this answer. I am an only child, too, and so is my FI. He is extremely mature because he always had to rely on himself. I had a great childhood and loved how close I was to my parents. (And still am.)
However, what people don't always seem to think about with only children is what @Genuine513: mentioned: when your parents are gone, you are alone. This was the case when my FI's mother passed away 2 years ago. He was essentially left alone to take care of her estate and belongings. I know deep down that if he had a sibling, this would have been so much easier for him.
My personal opinion? As an only child, I loved being close to my parents and all that we got to do because I was the only one. They were able to go to all my activities, since they didn't have to split time with a sibling's schedule, and we could more easily travel than my friends with several siblings. But, now that I am older, I see the value in having a sibling and I sometimes wish I had a sister or brother to call or help me out. I realize someday I will be alone. It is for this reason that I want to have more than one child. I think being an only child is wonderful in childhood, but once you are an adult, it is not always easy.
My mother was told that she shouldn't wait too long after having me to have another if she wanted more and she told the doctor that she was happy with me. She's always been happy with just one child, and never once has my mom said she wanted another. If you are happy with one, then enjoy being the parent of an only child! But if you feel as though your family is lacking something and you feel the pull to have another, then listen to your heart. If you listen to yourself and feel that one child is enough, then own it! A family is what you make it.
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Well today I'm trying to potty train my stubborn 2 year old! And so I have got a lot of home time for the next week. So why not start a thread!
I am so torn on whether or not to have another baby. We just got back rom a family vacation to Jamaica, and loved it. We would like to try and go on a trip a year. But we know if we decide to have another baby that most likely won't happen, because another child, is an extra expense.
Also, i definitely did not enjoy pregnancy. I mean were ups and downs of course, but overall I would rather not be pregnant, tired, cranky, bloated, and sick again. But I know thats just part of the deal. I also didn't enjoy the after birth effects which for me lasted a long time. I had bad pain everytime I used the washroom for almost 2 months afterwards, and breastfeeding wasn't the easiest.
On the other side of the coin, I think our family would be more joyous with a second child. My son would have a playate, and a friend to have inside jokes with, and lasting memories forever. And that would be the biggest pro.
I ean overall, I am happy with one, and I could be happy with just him, but I feel like I am depriving my son of something so great like a sibling. I've got two sisters and as much as they annoy me at times, they are forever, and I really enjoy all the memories we have built together.
So hive, has anyone else really not wanted a second child, but ended up doing so, and being really happy? Or anything else you would like to add, I'm all ears!!!