(Closed) To have or not have…A BABY.

posted 8 years ago in Babies
Post # 3
Member
1120 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

That’s a tough decision; I feel for you. We want to have a baby too, likely in the next year, but I keep waffling on it. I want to be a mother, but I also like my freedom and down time…I already feel busy as it is, and sometimes I just can’t imagine bringing a child into the mix. 🙁

Post # 4
Member
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

I agree, hubs feels its a given in the relationship, but at times I just love laying around and doing nothing!! I can’t imagine working and having a baby to raise, and at this point we can’t live on just one income.  We’ve agreed to wait until I’m 30, so hopefully we will have things figured out by then.  There are days that I know it’ll happen, and then days I can’t imagine being a mom. It scares the bejeezes out of me…

Post # 6
Member
4001 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Obviously no one can give you a right or wrong answer, but I always worry for folks who choose not to have a baby, for whatever reason.  It seems a lot of them regret it in the end.  I think if you know your FI is going to be supportive, if you have a stable income and a nice home, you should go for it!  The down time will cease as you know it now but it will be replaced with a different down time, known as nap time or bed time!  Lol.

Post # 7
Member
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

That’s true, and I know his sister is dying for us to have babies so our niece and nephews have cousins.  I know hubs will make a great father, but with my attitude problem and hatred of all things whiny and blubbery and snotty, I just don’t know. EVERYONE says its different when its yours, i just hope its true.  Hopefully the next few years will have me thinking differently…

Post # 8
Member
2004 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2008

I’ve heard this feeling is why your body is pregnant for 9 months instead of say, 1 month: to give your mind time to get used to the idea of changing up your life for a baby.

Post # 10
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

It’s definitely a life-changing experience. I think it’s one of those things where, if you have a baby, you won’t regret it. But if you dont have a baby, you MIGHT regret it.

You guys could adopt, too, if you’re open to that.

But yeah, when we were faced with the whole “must have a baby asap” concept, I told myself that I’d get used to the idea over the course of the 9 months and grow to love the whole change that was about to happen and embrace it with open arms.

Post # 11
Member
1230 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2008

I have the same dilemma!  I just can’t decide….which to others seems really strange I’ve found.  Most people I guess just know whether they absolutely want children or whether they know that it just isn’t for them.  I wish I was one of those people.  It doesn’t help that DH is not really excited about having children at all – but he has agreed to to be a helpful supportive father if I decide I want them.  It’ s a huge decision and a huge responsibility that never ends.  I just don’t take decisions like this lightly.  I feel your pain – with the clock ticking it makes it even more stressful.  Its like you have a deadline to make the most important decision of your life.

I’m sorry I’m not more helpful – I’m just relating to your feelings.  Good luck!

Post # 13
Member
11327 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

I go back and forth almost daily. In the end I think I will decide to have a baby because I think that when I’m 90 I think I might regret never having had kids… but I can’t think of anything actually regretting doing it. 

Post # 14
Member
2434 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

I’m due to have my first child in less than 2 weeks.  We totally didn’t feel ready when we started trying, but we both knew, deep down, that we’d regret waiting if it meant we couldn’t start a family.  So, we went for it, knowing that we would never regret our child, but knowing how we’d arrange child care, if we’d move to a bigger place, etc.

I’m still not sure I’m ready, even as I feel my body preparing for labor.  It is surreal and kind of scary.  I don’t regret our decision to start trying.

You can’t always be 100% sure.  You can’t always be totally logical.  You can’t always anticipate the way your decisions will impact your life.  You just have to have some faith that you’ll do more than just make it work, that you’ll be happy.

Post # 16
Member
4001 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Your absolutely right, people do end up regretting their decision either way they go.  Its definitely a tough decision to make.  Its much harder than just trusting your gut.  A lot of people I know, have a child just because its the “natural” next step, that’s probably not the best idea.  In the end you’ll make the best decision for your marriage and it’ll be an informed decision as opposed to an impulsive one.

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