(Closed) To have or to have not

posted 6 years ago in Babies
Post # 3
Member
701 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@furtureffcaptwife:  I definitely want kids but know that I’m not ready for them yet.

I know this because I REALLY enjoy my one on one time with SO. I enjoy our quiet down time where it’s just us snuggling or reading together or watching a movie together. I like that we can be spontaneous and such.

Also I’m not ready to share his attention (I get fed up enough when he sits and loves on the cat more than me!!) and I know (rightfully so) our baby would come first and foremost for both of our attentions.

I don’t think this makes me a bad person, and I don’t think what you’ve said makes you a bad person at all!! I definitely think you have to develop or grow into the right mind set for babies.

I just think I need time to enjoy my relationship with SO and be together before we have kids.

35 is not that old to be having children, I would definitely talk to your doctor about your health and concerns about waiting before having kids. That way you have a realistic (health-wise) timeline of when you should have a baby by for it to be a less complicated pregnancy?

Post # 4
Member
2965 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

FI and I have 3 kids (well 2 but my oldest daughter he’s raised since she was 1 and she’s 5 almost 6 now) and take it from us, we dont get much free time at all. Even when my parents come and get the oldest 2 every weekend, we still have to tend to the baby. You also have to consider what kind of parents you and FI are. My FI and I have differences when it comes to raising our children that we do fuss over but we end up working it out in the end. FI has had a hard life when he was raised by his mother but me, I have had, well, I guess you can consider it nice. We have a baby now (she’s 8 mons today!!!) but they still take a chunk of our time. We cant even THINK about quiet time together until after 9pm and FI has to get up for work at 4am everyday so you can kiss the spontaneous stuff goodbye!!! On the plus side you will have this:

Post # 5
Member
1297 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Please don’t take this as being harsh, but you may need to be somewhat realistic about conceiving at your age. Like kayberry said, you should probably talk to your doctor about your reproductive health. But only you can know what you really want. Are you and your fiance on the same page about kids?

 

Post # 6
Member
1798 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

@furtureffcaptwife:  Two things. (1) What does your partner think about having kids (2) Make a list of pros and cons for having kids. Ask your partner to do the same, but separately. This will help you realize your true feelings and reasons for having/not having kids.

Also agree with PPs that you should talk to your doctor immediately to get a realisitic timeline for making this decision.

Post # 8
Member
1371 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I’m of the same mind, I am 32, 33 this year.  Some days it seems wonderful, awesome and so amazing.  Others, FORGET IT!!

I think, for me, had I gotten pregnant younger, I would be less worried about how my life would change.  But for me, i feel the more time that slides by without babies, the less inclinded I am to change my lifestyle to fit a baby in.

Post # 9
Member
3626 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

What does your husband think? As your kids grow up, they get involved in their own activities after school, and you’ll get some of your time back for yourself, I’d think.

Post # 11
Member
1371 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@furtureffcaptwife:  Yeah, I know what you mean.  My issues stem mostly from raising SS, as I am living the issues of never having time, the puking and crying and pooping and annoying habits, and messiness etc etc lol.

BUT I spend time with some of my friends with babies, and I see WHY, I see how they look, how they act, how they just are and I feel twingy,like I must be missing out on something.

I honestly don’t know if you are ever truly ready as a parent, but it sure scares me that children don’t have a return policy.  And you really only get one chance to make it right.

Post # 13
Member
1371 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@furtureffcaptwife:  It scares me too to bring a child into the world now with all the violence and hate everywhere.  Gone are the idyllic days of our youth where the world really was a safer place.  The schools are going to shit, the justice system is already there for the most part, medical is declining rapidly and costing more.  It’s just plain old scary.  And to have that peaceful existence, you pretty much have to move miles from any major center, and give up good careers to live safely.

 

And yeah, I look at it like I’m going to be over 50 when my FIRST child will hopefully leave the nest.  That doesn’t appeal a whole lot to me lol!

Post # 14
Member
483 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I’m 33.  I like our life & I have no plans for children.  Besides, FI would be in his sixties by the time they graduated HS.  I’d rather spend money on vacationing, not diapers.

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