- 5 years ago
- Wedding: September 2013
I am supposed to be planning my wedding for this September, but keep going back and forth on whether or not to even do it. Not because my fiance and I don’t want to get married (that is definitely happening), but because of so many other factors. Apologies in advance for the long post.
I got engaged in early December, 11 days later my brother’s 3-month-old daughter passed away (SIDS), two days after that my dad’s sister passed away after a long illness. Needless to say, my engagement happiness was short-lived. Now, I’m feeling that celebrating a wedding is unfair and selfish. My family has said otherwise, so it really is just my feeling this way if they are being honest about it, and I have no reason to doubt that.
My parents have also offered me money for the wedding, which would probably more than cover what I want to do. However, my brother and his wife have decided to get a vasectomy reversal and it is not covered by insurance. They were doing a fundraiser to help because they cannot afford it on their own. After learning this, I told my parents they should give the money they were giving me for the wedding to my brother. Afterall, the chance for another child is quite a bit more important than some party. They had said maybe they can swing both and have since offered to cover the gap in cost for the reversal that was not collected in their fundraiser. I felt guilty enough for spending my parent’s money on a wedding, and to have them do both the wedding and the reversal seems like too much. I know it won’t hurt their finances tremendously, but there are surely better ways for them to use it. Or even better, just save it in case they need it some day.
Side note: we aren’t planning a huge or extravagant wedding. It will be maybe 60 people and will be held in my grandparent’s backyard.
Also weighing on me are other issues: too insecure about my own appearance that I might not be able to enjoy the day; too worried about what other people will think and if they are having a good time; worried about my fiance’s anxiety and if that is going to cause him to freak out at the wedding; my BFF is getting married two months later, but was engaged several months before me – I don’t want to take a way from her wedding planning/celebration; etc.
I could go on and on. I did a pros/cons list and the cons outweighed the pros by about three times if you go by just the numbers.
I’m sure there are many others who have felt as confused as I am. What did you do? What are you doing? And, to preempt the “Do what you want, the wedding is all about you” statements…that is a good theory, but it’s not at all the case.
Thanks for any insight and advice you can give 🙂