(Closed) To Have the Wedding or Not…

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
2168 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@bmfriz:  If I were you, I would elope. Just my opinion. I like the idea of eloping. Whether people want to admit it or not, weddings are a big financial burden on the families. With everything else going on and your concerns about your own appearance and anxiety of your FI…I would just get away alone with him and do it your own way.

Post # 4
Member
11753 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

If you want a wedding you should have a wedding, without feeling guilty. It’s really nice of you to consider everyone else and be so selfless, but this is also a big moment in your life and you deserve a wedding if that is wha tyou want .

It sounds like $ issues combined with your anxiety and other issues, that maybe a small elopement would be best, surrounded by your closest family and friends.  

Post # 5
Member
965 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@bmfriz:  Oh my goodness!  First of all I am so very sorry about your niece…I can’t imagine how difficult that must have been!  And then your aunt on top of everything else.  I’m sure you feel like you’ve been robbed from having a blissful engagement, and rightfully so, but the fact remains that you have made the decision to spend the rest of your life with the person you love more than anyone else on the planet and that deserves a celebration if that’s what you really want.  I’m not sure what you’re looking at budget wise, but you could totally do something affordable if you’re still wanting to have the backyard wedding.  It requires some out of the box thinking and probably some DIY projects, but you can have a beautiful and intimate wedding if that’s what you really want. 

Or have you considered a destination wedding? You mentioned that you have anxiety about how you will look (even though I’m sure you will look absolutely gorgeous!) and worrying about whether people are having a good time, etc.  This could help to totally alleviate those feelings.  You could make it just you and your immediate family members and closest friends.  It doesn’t have to be to an exotic tropical location, but maybe…?! 

Above all, try not to feel selfish for wanting to have a special day for you and your FH.  Your family is trying to reassure you that you’re not being “unfair and selfish” and I’m sure they wouldn’t tell you that if it wasn’t true.  They love you and want you to have the day you’ve dreamed of!  Let them love on you a little 😉  ((Hugs!))

Post # 6
Member
3553 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

When I read this I see a lot of low self-esteem and grief. I think your family is right that after all of the tragedy they need a happy occasion to look forward to. If it helps you can think of your wedding as an event not just for you, but for your family to come together after some dark times and celebrate a new begining.

It seems to me that you are still struggling with the loss of your family members and that you do not feel good about yourself. It may be helpful to talk to a counselor. Especially about why you feel like you don’t deserve a wedding.

I also think your comment about your BFF’s wedding is you just looking for excuses to not go through with your wedding.

Post # 7
Member
927 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Wedding’s can seem quite trivial in the face of such tragedy, however, getting married is an extremely important event in your life, and one that your family wants to celebrate. You should not feel guilty at all for wanting to have a wedding, or being happily engaged. Your family loves you & is happy for you, please don’t feel guilty.

What I would be most concerned with at this point is planning a wedding in 6mo. That  will be challenging, and if your FI has severe anxiety then maybe a larger wedding isn’t right for you two anyway? I think a destination wedding could be a great option, although that may present a financial hardship for your brother & SIL. Maybe your parents could cover the cost of their travel, while you & FI pay for more of the actual wedding costs?

A very small wedding in your grandparents backyard (maybe 15-20 people) followed by a nice dinner out or bbq is also a great option. There is something very special about sharing that moment with only your closest family & friends, and small weddings can be just as lovely as larger ones, with a lot less stress for you & FI. Personally I think that’s what I would do if I were you. No matter what you decide, just please allow yourself to enjoy this time in your life. You can be there for your family & still be happy for your future w/ your man. Best of luck to you, let us know what you decide : )

Post # 8
Member
661 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I agree with all the PP’s. Just remember that though people need to help each other out during tough times and tragic events, they also need happy events to come together and celebrate as well. A wedding is a happy event and people will have a little bit of a break from their troubles on your day. They could really need that!

I am eloping and I thought that everyone would be happy that they wouldn’t have to be bothered with my wedding, and then much to my surprise, it turned out that folks really wanted to come together to celebrate my wedding. So to give them that my FI and I are throwing a “wedding luncheon” when we come back from the elopement.

Post # 9
Member
5894 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

DH’s relative made a really good point and it brought home just how important weddings are. His family had a really rough year about 1.5 years before we got married. His cousin lost her mother (DH’s Aunt), sister (DH’s Cousin) and husband (DH’s Cousin-in-law). All in one year. She was so happy to finally be coming to a happy family event. 

In this day and age, most families only come together for 2 things, weddings and funerals. You aren’t be selfish for sharing your happiness. You are giving happy memories to your family and it sounds like your family could use some happy memories right about now!

Post # 10
Member
661 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@KoiKove:  OMG this is so true! HAPPY MEMORIES are so important!

Post # 11
Member
14 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2013

oh my dear, i feel so sorry for you.  

When my fiance and I started planning for our wedding, his mother was diagnosed with cancer and it made us feel that planning for something happy like a wedding was almost impossible.  But after talking with so many people we realized that getting married is a celebration and everyone wants/needs a reason a celebrate!! 

Post # 12
Member
34 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: March 2011

I’m really sorry aboutt the huge loss your family has gone through in such a short time. If i were you i would do either of the two things: 1) simple, elope. or two 2) i would wait a couple more months for the family to settle down and you can think things through with what you want to do…i know its hard not to worry about wether your guest are happy or not but you should only worry about you and your fiance being happy on YOUR wedding day..forget about what people think (people will always talk)..enjoy your wedding, you would look beautiful no matter what…Goodluck with everything!

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