Post # 1
Dropped Fi off at airport this morning – he’ll be away for a couple of weeks. Checking our mail when I got back, saw a letter addressed to him. Opened it and saw a wedding invitation (whoopie!), with only his name as an invitee (eh!?). It’s from one of his close work friends (whom we’ve gone out with many times) and his future wife (whom neither of us have met yet, due to distance). I can’t help but feel slightly offended! Despite having had to limit our guestlist, I’ve made an effort to invite couples and +1s (?correct ettiquette), so currently have them both on our list. I’m sure the bummed feeling will go in time, but now not sure what to do about inviting them to our wedding. Invites not sent out yet but if I theoretically ‘un-invite’ Fi’s friend, it would be a noted absence as he’s part of the group, but I feel a bit weird inviting him and his (by that time) wife to our wedding having been snubbed (if thats the right word…) in this way.
Need some advice!
Post # 3
It seems like one of the bigger challenges people get stuck on (well maybe I’m also including myself in this) is the idea that you “should” only invite who invites you. I think that’s the natural response to have, though it may not be the best one.
There may be a few reasons they didn’t invite you. Maybe it was an oversight. Maybe they really had to limit their guest list and really wanted your fiance there, and that’s the compromis they felt they had to make. Maybe there’s another reason all together.
It sounds like, based on what you’re saying, that you’d feel a bit uncomfortable NOT inviting the two of them. I’d suggest that you do your best to put aside your feelings of not being invited and think about whether you’d like them both to be there. And make your decision based on that, rather than the fact that you weren’t invited to there’s.
And definitely make the decision after you’ve given yourself a few days to let the bummed out feeling wear off.
Post # 4
Hmm… I think you should hold off and have your fiance talk to his friend. Maybe it was just oversight when they addressed the envelope. I’ve heard of people limiting plus 1’s, but it is usually just for those who are not in long-term serious relationships. It seems like once a couple is engaged, the fiance/e should be invited no matter what. Hopefully they just accidentally left your name off of the invite…
Post # 5
hmmm. only a day later and already seeing it slightly differently – thanks.
maybe a budget thing, maybe an oversight. hopefully nowt else (that would be a little more worrying…). Will talk to Fi and see what his feelings are. If he wants to talk to his mate, then ok – if not, ok too. I suspect he’ll see it as a little weird (as i do) and will probably decline if we’re not both invited. If he still wants them both at the wedding, so be it. No rush to make any decisions, but I suspect I’ll have to get over myself and let this one slide…
(Although, in part am offended as letter was addressed to ‘our place’ (!!!) – Fi only stays here occaisionally and gets some mail sent here, but has his own place and most of his own stuff goes there…. grrrr!)
Post # 6
We’ve gone back and forth on WB before about whether you need to invite coworker’s spouses/partners. According to proper etiquette (any my personal opinion, for whatever that’s worth!) You absolutely must invite people together if they are engaged, married, or living together (as romantic partners, not including roommates obviously). However for some reason people seem to think that because they are inviting a whole group of coworkers that they don’t need to invite the spouses. I think it’s totally rude and I would decline the invite myself. However, I would still invite them to your wedding. It will just cause drama in the office if you exclude them, and it usually pays to be the bigger person… Your FI’s coworkers will probably recognize your class and grace if you invite them despite this insult.
Post # 7
I really think that you should have been invited because you two are engaged. I don’t think it would be right of you to uninvite his Fiance just because you weren’t invited, especially if you have a rule across the board.
Post # 8
I think you should still invite him if he’s still a good friend and important to you guys, espeically if he’ll be missed at the wedding. This may be over-stepping, but could you have your fiance contact him and ask if they meant not to include you in the invite? It seems a bit strange if you guys are living together and engaged that he would get invited and you wouldn’t, especially if you hang out with him from time to time.