Post # 1
I’m in a bit of a quandry. I have a few coworkers who I have known for years. I used to be friends with them but now they’re my "frenemies" (definition of "frenemy"-friendly but I don’t really like them). A lot of stuff has happened in the past to make me change my feelings for them. Frankly, they just annoy me. I never have shown it to them so to the outside observer, we seem like friends. We invite each other to our parties but I don’t really hang out with them at other times. The problem is that we all sit in relative close proximity at work. And we’ve casually talked about our weddings. I wonder if they assume that they would be invited but I never explicitly say that they are. It would be awkward not to invite them but I really don’t care to have them at my wedding especially since we are paying for the wedding ourselves. What’s the right thing to do? <!– ********* ItemTemplate.BodyColPostBodyEnd (/1 row) ************* //–>
Post # 3
I’m personally not an advocate of inviting people out of obligation (except for family). It will probably just make you resentful. Also, if they know that they are frenemies, they probably won’t be surprised at not being invited. If they mention something (which would be really rude imo) you can just tell them that you’re having a small wedding and unfortunately couldn’t invite everyone you would have liked.
Post # 4
i’m having the same dilemma as you! there are a few "frenemies" that i would prefer not to invite. unfortunately, they are within the same social circle as other friends who will be invited, so we probably can’t get away with not inviting them. in fact, they have already made it clear that they expect to be invited. to keep the peace, FI has insisted we just get it over with and invite them. we will probably try to send the invites out to the frenemies as late as possible…maybe they won’t be able to make it on such short notice! i’d be interested to see if anyone has found a better way to deal with frenemies who invite themselves to your wedding.
Post # 5
I am going to be in a similar situation as well! If anyone has some creative ideas, I would be very excited to hear them!
Post # 6
I was also having the same problem as you! I couldn’t decide whether or not to invite these "frenemies" especially because we were paying for the wedding ourselves! I think a lot of us can relate to your situation! Honestly, this is your wedding and you should not have to feel obligated to invite people you don’t even care for. And you shouldn’t have to feel bad about it too. If they are considerate coworkers, they should understand that weddings are expensive and that you and your finace are the ones paying for the wedding. If any of them would ask me if they were invited to my wedding, I would just tell them I really wish we could, but we were having a small wedding and just couldn’t (which was true).
Post # 7
You are not obligated to invite anyone from work except your closest friends and (in some cases) your boss. Everyone I work with understands that we are having a "small" wedding, and if some feelings are hurt they have not let me know. My maid of honor works with me, so we talk about wedding stuff at work all of the time. I am inviting my boss as well.
Post # 8
It’s pretty easy if you want make the designation that you’re not inviting anyone from work (the boss is an easy exception). If you are inviting some co-workers but not others, that’s pretty complicated. I think it would pretty much change the frenemies to plain old ‘not friends’ (hopefully not ‘enemies’).
Just keep in mind it’s your wedding so you can really do what you want.
Post # 9
I also don’t think (other than family) you are obligated to invite anybody. We are inviting a few people from work, and not the rest. Our criteria was this: if we think we would still be friends with these people in a few years even if we no longer work together, we are inviting them. I have had several co-workers ask whether they are invited (always the ones who aren’t – isn’t that funny). I just tell them that I’m sorry – there are so many people that we would ideally really love to have, but its just going to be a small wedding, only family and a few close friends. And I hope they understand. Its funny to see how everybody scrambles to say that they totally understand, they’re so sorry, of course… As suddenly they realize they have totally overstepped. And people who definately know they are not invited still ask to hear the latest crazy wedding planning story. Its actually nice to have it out in the open – that they’re not invited – and I can’t see that anybody feels bad about it.
Post # 10
I wouldn’t invite anyone out of obligation.
Post # 11
Thanks for all your perspectives. It is hard especially since one of them invited me to their wedding last year but I couldn’t make it due to family committments. I sensed that she was either relieved that we couldn’t make it or she didn’t really care. Her response to it was hardly of disappointment though. I suspect I was the obligatory invite!I am inviting some coworkers so it will be a delicate situation. They’re not the type to openly ask whether they’re invited–they’re kind of passive aggressive so unfortunately, it won’t be out in the open, unless I do it. Which I can, when the opportunity arises and I have the guts to do it! 😉