- 5 years ago
My DH and I tied the knot on New Year’s Eve in a small ceremony with our immediate family only…it was lovely 🙂 We are planning a summer party to celebrate with our extended family and friends. Most of the guests are family and family friends, plus some colleagues and a few of our closest friends. Apologies for the length, but hope you’ll keep reading…
My dearest friends all live long distance, and my DH and I live in a place that is not an easy weekend destination (plus flights are expensive). I’m inviting three friends from college who have all visited me in my hometown twice before with their spouses, so they are familiar with the area, they know my family, and I know they’ll come and have a good time. The issue: I have another college friend (who does not keep in touch with the others) who I hesitate to invite since he’s quite needy and would want more attention from me than I could give when I’m entertaining 200 other guests. I also fear the drama that might be involved if I do invite and whether he’ll fit in with the crowd. However, if I do not invite him and he finds out about the party, he would be very hurt and it would affect our friendship.
To give more background, this friend and I have very different lifestyles – he’s a world traveler with a major Hollywood career, takes lavish vacations, appears outgoing but he’s often reclusive (there are times I do not hear from him for months), and he happens to be gay. I’m an all natural gal who lives a very humble life in the Midwest, and though I was once a world traveler with a corporate career, my priorities now are spending time with family and enjoying a healthy lifestyle back in the Midwest.
i’ve known this friend for 20 years, since our freshman year of college, and when he’s not caught up in his own lifestyle or drama, he can be a very good friend. Although I have visited him many times in LA, he has never visited me in the Midwest, and even when I lived in NYC, there were times he would come to NYC for other reasons and not call me. Also, when he finally returned a call from me recently – he congratulated me on my engagement, saying he found out from a mutual friend of ours…but he had completely forgotten that I called and told him I was engaged 5 months ago (apparently he was so distraught from the break-up he was going through that he forgot…and he never returned several calls of mine afterwards when I was checking to see how he was doing, and also planned to tell him about our NYE wedding). When I told him we were married on NYE, his reaction was “where was it and how many people were there?” and then he congratulated me and said he was happy for me. He later realized how disconnected he had been and has sent several endearing emails to me repeating how happy he is for me.
Since he doesn’t like to be left out, there’s a part of me that wants to include him since I know it would mean a lot to him to be part of the festivities. But there’s another part of me that knows inviting him will add drama, and worries whether he would fit in and feel comfortable with this crowd.
So I’m debating – do I extend the invite, but encourage him to visit another time when I can spend more time with him? Or do I not mention it as a way of saving drama but risk that he could find out at a later date and feel hurt that he wasn’t invited? Advice please, bees!!