(Closed) to invite or not to invite

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Do I invite my friend
    Invite her : (21 votes)
    78 %
    Don't invite her : (6 votes)
    22 %
  • Post # 3
    158 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    I would just have a talk with her before the wedding and let her know how you feel! If she knows you dont want her to talk about certain things she will probably refrain. Good luck!

    Post # 4
    981 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    Speak to her before hand. Something like “I know we’ve been through some wild times together, but please don’t mention anything in from of my conservative parents and in-laws. I don’t need anyone fainting during wedding functions!” Also, while she might feel comfortable being outspoken with you, unless she really lacks a filter she would probably tone it down in front of strangers.

    Post # 5
    142 posts
    Blushing bee

    I’m not sure talking to her will help, and it may hurt. Some people have chronic hoof in mouth disease, and the more you react against it the more it triggers them. You know her better than we do, if she’s one of those. I’d also take into consideration the size of your guest list, and if you really want to rekindle the friendship. Just some ideas to help you along, I hope

    Post # 6
    90 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    Do you think you’ll miss her on your wedding day? Will her being there make the day happier or better for you? Or will she just be a big ball of stress for you? Talk to her a bit, but think on it yourself. Good luck!! 🙂

    Post # 8
    3 posts
    • Wedding: June 2012


    If she had you in her wedding and you’ve been friends for THAT long, then not inviting her would really be a slap in the face.

    If you are really such good friends, you should be able to discuss which behaviors can’t be tolerated and why.  A good friend would understand that.  Friends of mine, in the past, have told me to try to “keep it down”.  lol  I’m a loud mouth and I know that about myself, so I’m never offended if they try to let me know that this is going to be a more formal affair than even “most” weddings.

    One of my good friends asked me to be in her wedding, then decided that it was too difficult on both of us and “let me off the hook”.  I understood that and wasn’t mad at all (I live overseas).  However, she assumed that I wouldn’t come to the wedding and deemed that to be enough of a reason not to send me an inviation (which I don’t believe is the truth, but it’s her explanation).

    She’s hurt my feelings and while we’ll discuss it after the wedding, I know this has changed the climate of our relationship for the rest of our lives (I was even the one that introduced her to the wedding and she didn’t see the purpose of sending me a coutesy invite???)

    If you don’t want to damage the friendship, I’d say send the invite and have coffee with her before the big day and tell her, “By the way, I love that you’re a big mouth, spitting, kick-any-man’s-ass kinda girl, but I don’t know if I’ve told you this.  My in-laws think I’m a refined, “sweet” girl {insert giggle here} and my parents would like to help me maintain their opinion of me.  I hate to ask you to be something your not, but it would really mean a lot to me if you could tone down your usual way of being, JUST in front of them.  Not so much for me, but because it would upset their day.  Is that ok and you still love me?  {giggle again}”

    I would think that would do the trick with any good friend.  Good luck!

    Post # 9
    3 posts
    • Wedding: June 2012

    Correction:  Um, I didn’t introduce her to the wedding.  To her future husband.  Oops.  ha!

    The topic ‘to invite or not to invite’ is closed to new replies.

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