Post # 1
So, I’m having a huge internal conflict right now…
My SO’s dad is a drug addict and will disappear for weeks on end when he goes on a binge. My SO has a really REALLY rough time with it. I would too. I mean, I kind of know the feeling cause my dad is a recovering addict but his dad does harder stuff than my dad did. Anyways, his dad has missed big events like birthdays and him and his wifes anniversary (which is also her birthday) he’s even missed holidays. We’re not sure if we want him to be there because we never know when he’s gonna disappear and I don’t want my SO to be disappointed if his dad goes on a binge close to the wedding or doesn’t show at all. I mean, he would be devastated!
Basically I’m trying to decide if we invite him and risk the likelihood that he doesn’t show and it crushes my SO or don’t invite him and risk resentment from my SO’s dad…
I’m really unsure of what to do….
Post # 3
I would still invite him, but yeah, your SO can’t get his hopes up. It sounds like you both want him to be there – if the concerns were that he would show up high or something that’s different from a fear that he just won’t show. I know your SO is ‘used to it’ and may expect him to not show up, but hope still messes with your mind :-/ Hah I almost want to suggest you secretly invite him but obviously that’s not realistic.
Post # 4
My choice is not in the poll. I would say this is you SO’s decision, and recommend you abide by whatever he wants to do. Unless you’re concerned about the dad making a scene, arriving under the influence, etc. If those are valid concerns, then you should have some say and the two of you need to talk it out. But if your main concern is your SO’s feelings, let him make this call. I’m also the child of addicts and wish both of you well in your marriage and in life. Sincerely.
Post # 5
@Daisy_Mae: I’m just concerned if he shows up high, it might trigger other family members of mine that are recovering addicts. Thank you for your well wishes. They mean a lot. We’ll talk about it and decide together.
@loving_life: I know how badly hope can mess a person up so I do understand what you’re saying.
Thank you both for your insights. They mean a lot and it’s nice to know there are people I can talk to because I’d be too afraid to talk to my own family about these issues cause they can be very judgemental and I don’t want that.
Post # 6
@Old-but-new-borrowed-and-blue: Anytime 🙂 I’m a social worker, so I have at least some understanding of the struggles of addiction. Wishing you the best!
Post # 7
Agree that this is something only your SO and you should decide. I would say no but as an outsider I have no right to influence a major decision that involves an important family member.
Post # 8
@Old-but-new-borrowed-and-blue: What does your SO want to do? It’s his call, not yours.
Post # 9
Could you just invite him the week of the wedding? That way you can judge what kind of state he is in and if you’d like to invite him?
Or, you guys could let him know you’re getting married and want him there but only if he is sober.
Post # 10
I totally agree that this is a decision that should come to you and your FI. But FWIW, yes, I believe that he should get an invite anyway, but that your FI should not get his hopes up!