Post # 1
Dear Bees, so the invitations are going out in early April. I’ve been at my job for 15 years; love it thankfully. But our office manager is miserable — to ME. I will be inviting several co-workers (been there so long, I hardly see anybody on the outside anymore). I don’t want to invite her and I know you all already agree lol. BUT, she sits directly with several whom I will be inviting and they will talk; there is no way, even if I ask folks to be discreet, that she won’t find out about the wedding sooner or later, and probably sooner. Plus, bosses will be invited and I suspect several will come. Her feelings are a big part of my concern. The other part is my life – present and future! I don’t want her to make my life any more miserable. Plus, she has the bosses’ ears, for reasons most of us will never understand really, and next year, I’m up for a very important job move that means very much to me. She will trash me (guess she’ll try whether she’s invited to the wedding or not), but it might be worse than ever if she and her hubby of a jillion years weren’t invited. Or, and no one wants to think of their wedding as a carrot, ever, I realize, but maybe seeing me in the context of my extremely loving family and real friends will soften this charmer. What should I do? What would you do?
Post # 3
I think that if you can afford to, you should just bite the bullet and invite her and her husband. It will only come back to you in a good way. I think to me, the job security/possible promotion protection would be worth the cost of their dinner!
Post # 4
I’d invite her… though she may not like you, she will probably be flattered that you think enough of her to invite her and it may soften her up.
Also, I doubt she’d come.
Post # 6
I’d invite her. What’s the worst that could happen if you did? Do you think she would show up to your wedding and try to ruin it? You’re more likely to cause bad blood by not inviting her. Then that would give her license (in her head) to be even more unpleasant towards you in the office. But by inviting her, YOU come off as the gracious one, and if she tries to create drama, she looks like the loser that can’t help but rain on someone else’s parade.
I’m not sure how big your wedding will be, but even if you only have like 80 people, you’re going to be so caught up in all of the rituals and excitement of the day that you will barely even notice her there. You won’t really get a chance to visit much with most of your guests. You’ll likely only get so far as a “hello, obnoxious OM! Thanks so much for coming today!” (and you should be pleasant and sweet, even if you don’t feel it). And then you’ll be right back to being swept up in all the festivities. You’ll barely even notice she’s there.
And if she did try to pull something stupid, just let a couple of people you trust know in advance that this woman can be a pest. Make sure they know who she is (maybe show them a picture of her). And then ask them to help you out by either politely and privately talking to her, or asking her to leave if it comes down to that, if she starts acting in a highly inappropriate manner on the day of the wedding. Ask them not to even tell you about it, but to just see that it “gets handled”. That way, you can enjoy your day, and if OMzilla decides to be a snake, you can have your mongooses (which eat snakes) ready to pounce.
Post # 7
These are WONDERFUL posts and suggestions about how to handle this (her). I know all of your are right. I guess a part of me was (thinking, only fantasizing) about using the wedding invite to get back at her somehow, which I never do. She won’t make a fuss, if she even comes to the wedding. It’s just she’s so insidious; she takes the others aside in the office or sidles up to them and whispers (like a second grader in the playground). And looks at me the whole time! I know I should be tough-skinned by now (I’m no spring chicken), but it gets to me, each and every time, and Fiance and I recently watched a Howard Stern re-run where he talked (this is random) about who he and his wife were going to invite to their wedding and they were going to cut out of the list someone from his office because the guy bugged his wife, had said mean things about her, and she and Howard felt it was her day and she shouldn’t have to look around her wedding and see anyone there who didn’t really care about her, in a good way, and wish her well. Ya know? And there is another co-worker — I can hear you guys groaning now — whom I am inviting who loves this kind of whispering. What can I say, it’s a typical (?) office — a big room with jillions of desks and cubicles and you can’t burp without everyone hearing you!