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i say send invites and let people decide for themselves - some people are just happy to receive the invite and are happy they were thought of and you can still have a party back home in ireland afterwards :)
Oh my goodness. A FIFTH OPTION!?!? Thank you! Invite everyone and let them know that if they can't make it, there'll be a partay at home if they'd like to attend. Freaking genius!!!
I dealt with the same issues when we decided to have a destination wedding. My grandma's friend made a comment that it was "rude" to invite people who we knew would not attend because "it looks like you are just trying to get a gift out of them."
We disagreed, because you can't anticipate what people will or won't attend. Leave it up to them to decide!
Eloping nailed it... you may be surpirzes at who wants to attend... it's up to them! If it is an intimate gathering... FINE :) big partay at home down the road, WIN WIN:)
Happy Planning!
we dealt with the geography / ability to travel issue by doing the following: small intimate wedding, followed by separate parties / get togethers in locales that were easy for our separate sides of extended family to get to. we invited everyone to the actual wedding as well but let them know that there was a smaller, local gathering at a different date. bit of a 3 ring circus b/c you're coordinating multiple events, not just 1 but that's how we got the small but inclusive wedding
I would invite everyone! You never know who might be wanting to take a vacation, or who would be willing to travel any distance just to be able to be there on your wedding day. You can't know, and as much as they might think they can, your FMIL and FFIL can't know either. A wedding invitation says "You're special to me, and I want you to share my special day." So, if you and your fiance want your aunts and uncles to share your special day then by all means invite them.
We had the exact same issue...and went with your option #3: stick with intimate & let everyone you couldn't invite know that there's going to be a party at home later. We have the added issue of having TWO home parties: one for his side in SF and one for mine in Hawaii, since we come from different parts of the country. This helps the issue Ewil's grandmother brought up about looking present-grabby...if people aren't invited to the wedding, they don't feel the obligation to come/buy a present, but they are encouraged to celebrate which I think is the point of the reception (at home or destination) anyway.
Invite everyone. They are big boys and girls, and should be able to make that decision for themselves. Shouldn't be this big of a deal, so don't sweat it!
Mr. JM & I are also having a destination wedding. We decided to invite 130 people, we don't know how many people will be able to make it, but no pressure. His parents will then throw a party in his hometown afterwards for the other family and friends that didn't make the list or were not able to go.
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Briefly: FH & I are Irish, living in Canada. We had the usual wedding discussions and decided we'd both love a destination wedding. We'd planned on living back home in Ireland by the time a wedding was on the cards, but that was not to be. Since we have to travel anyway, and in an effort to keep the wedding small, we decided on a wedding in Spain, for immediate family only.
Since then, I've changed my mind and want my aunts & uncles there. I have close relationships with most of them and I know it would mean the world to my mother. I think most of them would come to Spain and they'd really make the whole day lots of fun.
FH's parents were not thrilled about the destination wedding in the first place, but we got over that. We recently had a discussion with them about extending the guest list to include aunts and uncles and they have the following objections:
1) Their family is older, with many aunts/uncles in their 70's.
2) Some have lost jobs & pensions in the downturn and they would not want to put them under financial pressure.
3) FFIL basically said that we either want aunts & uncles there or we don't, so if we do, we would be better off coming home. He's not comfortable with inviting his side
Sorry for being so long winded - at last, here is my question (or questions):
- Should we just send invites and let everyone decide for themselves if they can come or not?
- Should we just invite my side (I think FFIL & FMIL would be ok with this, but I'm not comfortable with it.. is not this the stuff of family fueds?)?
- Should we stick with the intimate wedding in Spain and then try and have some sort of party back in Ireland for everyone else? (Is this being present-grabby though?)
- Should we just stick to the original plan and slap me on the wrist for being so flighty in changing my mind?
Thanks for any advice. This is really killing me. There have been more than a few tears...