Post # 1
So here’s the deal…
I’ve been friends with a girl since 5th grade…I’m 23 now.
Just recently, she really screwed me over when it came to ordering bridesmaids dresses and she decided not to be in my wedding. She can’t make up her mind whether she supports me being with my fiance or not. One minute she’s so happy for me and the next minute she is trying to talk me out of being with him. There are a variety of reasons she doesn’t want me to marry him, but they are all very petty and not true. (ie. I’ve changed, I deserve to live the single life some more, I shouldn’t marry so young) She also just got married and her marriage is already not doing well.. so this is why I think she is taking it out on me.
I got really mad at her and told her how I feel. Anyways, I’m now at the point that I really don’t want to even invite her to my wedding. I’m willing to work out our friendship, though. She still thinks that I’m inviting her to my wedding and has even picked out an outfit to wear.
What should I do? I know by not inviting her, our friendship will probably end right there for good. But on the other hand, I find it hard to invite her if she doesn’t support us getting married. Isn’t this the whole point in attending a wedding?
Post # 3
I guess the decision comes down to whether or not you want to maintain a friendship with her. If not – don’t invite her and go your separate ways. However, I do not think you will be able to maintain and repair your friendship if you don’t invite her at this point. She may waver on supporting your marriage (and yes I agree that the people at your wedding should be the most supportive!), but if you choose not to invite her, I would guess the friendship is over. So I think it is more of a friendship or no friendship thing as opposed to a wedding invite thing. Good luck 🙂
Post # 4
Hmmmm… doesn’t sound like the best situtation but I can understand not having the approval of everyone.
My FIs aunt actually told me straight to my face that she didn’t think he should be getting married. *gasp*
Alot of emotions start flying when there’s a wedding in the works and yes it definitely sounds she letting her “not fantasy marraige” get in the way of her love for you. Be the bigger person and don’t get wrapped up in her mess.
My advise would be to just continue to love her because you know this won’t last forever… ya’ll will both change and hopefully she’ll come out of her funk and connect back with you. I would definitely invite her so atleast when you look back you won’t regret having let some strife end an almost 20 yr friendship. Remember that one day when you look back at her behavior it won’t really matter…. don’t let the petty get in the way 😉
Hope this helps some sweetie
Post # 5
I think something else is going on, jealousy… Maybe she has feelings for your guy? … Someone once told me, bridesmaid drama is always about something else…
Post # 6
Wow. I’m having the same issue with a friend but my friend is approving—she just got pissed she would have to pay for her dress. After all the bitching I decided to just not have a wedding party at all! She has been extremely distant and I’ve felt like our friendship is over due to a lot of her actions (or lack thereof) and I’m on the fence if I want our friendship to possibly continue or not and also if I should invite her or not. UGH Drama.
Post # 7
@evalague:There is definitely jealousy going on, but I try not to think about it and seem conceided. Her life is not going as she planned and she doesn’t have the guts to change it. My life, on the other hand, is going better than planned. She is super competitive and always compares her situation with others.
Post # 8
@Curlysue: Yes, a similar thing happened to me in this situation. Before she decided not to be in the bridal party, she complained about having to pay for the dress and having only 2mos to get it. By the way, I had 2 weeks to get my bridesmaid dress for her wedding and had to pay for it.
Post # 9
I would sit down with her and say I want you at my wedding but only if you check your issues at the door. This is my day and you have to smile and love me and be happy that I am happy. If you can’t do this, please do not come. We can still work out our friendship but you should come only if you can come with support and happiness for me.
If you don’t think she can handle this decision, then maybe you are right. Maybe she shouldn’t be invited.
Post # 10
I was in a similar situation about a month ago however my “friend” is approving of our marriage. But she didn’t get her dress on time and I couldn’t get a hold of her to see what was up. I asked if she wanted to be in the wedding or if she didn’t through a text and she said she got her feelings hurt by that and that its best that she isn’t in the wedding but would love to witness the day. I tried talking to her about it and working something out and was nothing but nice and she would never answer any of my phone calls or messages. I thought best not to invite her because she didn’t find me important enough to be given the time of day to find out what was going on.
I do know that this will probably end our friendship but in my situation she wasn’t much of a friend to begin with so Im really not missing out.
I think if she isn’t going to add to your day or make it more special because she is there then maybe she isn’t worth it. But if you decide to not invite her your friendship will most likely end. Bridesmaids are so stressful….ugh! Good luck!!
Post # 11
@Min:Yes, this exact thing happened to me as well with my friend. It’s how everything finally blew up. I couldn’t get ahold of her to find out if she was going to get her dress.
Ok, so an update…
I talked to my friend last night and told her my concerns about inviting her. She was completely oblivious to the issues between us. She thinks that she did nothing wrong…when in fact it is completely her with the issue. Anyways, I left it up to her… telling her to either get over her issues and support me 100% in the future, or don’t come to the wedding. Of course she said she’ll support me.. like it was nothing. Now I feel obligated to invite her, even though I know she really didn’t care about the issues at hand. I talk to her, but she just rolls over and gives in. Then she will bring up the same issues later down the road. Grrrrrr… Now I don’t know what to do.
Post # 12
Whatever she is going through – it’s clear, based on what she told you, that she wants to support you. I think you should go ahead and invite her. To not invite her, would be really hurtful and end the friendship – which, it doesn’t sound like you are at that point.
It also sounds like your relationship needs some work and perhaps some boundaries for both of you – but, that will sort itself out in the future.
Post # 13
Ok so an update…
I did call my friend about a week before sending out the invites… Thanks afuturemrsl
I wanted to see what she thought of the whole situation and where she currently stands. I still really wanted to invite her, but I didn’t want to be treated like crap after my wedding. I told her exactly how I feel and that I would like for her to make up her mind wether or not she was going to support me getting married or not. I will not deal with this back-and-forth crap.
Anyways, she acted like nothing is or was ever wrong. She just seemed to be saying what I wanted to hear and it sounded so fake. I called her out on it several times, but she was oblivious. I was really trying to be nice, but she just wasn’t getting my point. So, after the call, I know she thinks that I’ll definitely invite her.
Quite honestly, I can see after the wedding, we won’t really ever talk and when we do, it will be fake and more a matter of just being nice. This was a determining factor for my decision. Also, the fact that she thinks nothing is wrong and that she was right all along. This shows me that nothing will change.
So, I sent out my invites last friday. I did not include her. She doesn’t know this yet. So, I think when she calls me about this, I will simply tell her the truth. I do feel bad about not inviting her somedays, but I feel more strongly about the situation at hand. Phew… I hope I made the right decision. Now the awkwardness begins when she is with other friends of mine and I am there…