(Closed) To invite the boss, or not to invite the boss

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
5670 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

I’m sorry you are having difficult issues at work with your boss, but unfortunately you need to invite your boss. If you weren’t inviting any co-workers then you could mention to him that it’s a small wedding and you can’t invite anyone from work. Remember this is the person who holds your job is there hands.

Post # 5
Member
3162 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

No, you don’t have to invite your boss. I’m not inviting my boss and I don’t hate her as much as you seem to hate yours. I’m inviting a small select few from the office and they are well aware of the fact that they are not to mention to anyone or to each other in the office anything about the wedding. If these people are close enough to you for you to invite them from work, you should be able to tell them to keep their mouths closed about it. They have to understand. If this guy’s as much of an ass as he seems, I’m sure they aren’t fond of him either!

Post # 6
Member
5670 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

Just think, with all of the people at your wedding you won’t even see him. It’s not as if he will be around you all night. How many weddings do you go to and don’t talk to all of the guests? Every single one.

I’m sorry you are stressed. I understand how hard it can be to please everyone, you pull yourself in 100 different directions just to make everyone happy. I wouldn’t worry about the office manager since they are not your manager, I’m sure they will understand.

FYI.. I worked for 80% of my pay all last year. It gets better trust me, it has to.

Post # 7
Member
2859 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011 - Bartram's Garden

I like my boss (a LOT) and I’m still not inviting him. You’re under no obligation to invite yours.

Post # 8
Member
443 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I’m not inviting anyone from work since my two closest work friends left the company – if they still worked here, however, I would invite them and not my boss. Weddings have come up frequently in the 5 years I’ve worked here and pretty much everyone understands that the bride and groom can’t be all-inclusive with their guest list.

My fiance is inviting several coworkers, but not his immediate boss. There are about 70-80 people in his company and everyone, including his boss, has been very understanding about the fact that we can’t invite the whole company, just the handful of people with whom he is super-close. If you were inviting everyone except your boss I’d tell you to suck it up and send the invite, but if the office manager isn’t invited either, then it might be ok….the only exception being if they will make your life a living hell for not getting an invite!! Though that’d be super-lame…

Post # 9
Member
142 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Wow. This is a hard decision. I am not sure I like the guy myself after your description of him! If it was me I wouldn’t invite him. It is your day and your wedding and you want it to be memorable in a good way (not a bad way!).

On the other hand, if you know that your everyday working environment will be hostile, or negative for the next few years, or decades, and you will not be able to handle it, I would invite him to spare you this negative work environment. 

Post # 10
Member
3162 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Although I don’t doubt you, I find it completely ridiculous that if your boss didn’t get invited to your wedding, he would make your working environment hostile. It’s illegal, first of all, but I know that doesn’t really matter much in some work environments if everyone is buddy buddy with the boss. But also, since when does professional relationship=personal relationship? I’m sorry but just because you work with or for people, doesn’t make them friends. I don’t get people sometimes. I would never in a million years (even before I began wedding planning) assume that someone getting married in my office would invite me to their wedding.

Post # 11
Member
650 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

i dont think you have to- i like my boss and he knows i”m getting married (word gets around) but i’m not inviting him. i am only inviting one employee from work. ppl understnad that weddings are expesnive.

Post # 12
Member
242 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

No you do not have to invite your boss.  I am not sure I’m inviting anyone from my office.  Also, who’s to say that he/she gives a shit and wouldn’t rather do 1M things than go to a wedding?  Do what you want.  If he is offended, you prob should be finding a better place to work anyway.  Good luck!

Post # 13
Member
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

Well, technically no you don’t have to invite him. But Roxy brings up a good point, as much of a jerk as he is, he kind of holds the strings to your future career. I mean, it would actually be illegal for him to retaliate against you as a result of not inviting him to your wedding, but if your guest list is big enough and all your other coworkers are coming, you might want to just invite him to make things easier. As far as the office manager, just don’t go there – you have to draw the line somewhere. Don’t feel pressured to invite anyone who has no control over your career progression and don’t fool yourself either – everyone is going to find out within a few seconds who made the cut and who didn’t for the guest list, but it doesn’t matter as they ‘technically’ aren’t allowed to talk about it.

Post # 14
Member
459 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I don’t think you have to. I’m inviting some people from work, but it’s a big company so people don’t really talk to their bosses about what’s happening in their lives. Plus, they should understand what a wedding costs this day in age. It’s alot of money even if you add only one person. But if your work is really close, like other people’s business is spread throughout the office, then I don’t think I would invite anyone, just so I wouldn’t be the topic of the week or what not.

Post # 15
Member
751 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

There are three partners who run my company and I only invited 2 of the 3.  It’s no secret the third one doesn’t really like me, nor I him, so why would I invite him to the most special day of my life?  There have been zero repercussions for this.  Zero.  In fact, the bosses gifted me with an extra week of paid vacation time for the honeymoon…

Don’t invite him out of some sense of obligation.  If for some reason he brings it up, there are a million excuses you could give him (venue limitations, budget limitations immediately come to mind). 

Post # 16
Member
750 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I don’t think you have to invite him. I work for a small company of about 20 people and even I was inviting any of them, I wouldn’t feel the need to invite him. There have been five weddings at my company in the last eight years and I wasn’t invited to any of them. Really, it’s only been people who were super close outside the company or have known each other for nearly 20 years that go to each other’s weddings.I am inviting one of my former co-workers, but she got laid off last year. She’s also serving as my DOC. I would’ve gone to her wedding if she hadn’t called it off.

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