To let DH get snipped or not?

posted 3 years ago in Wellness
Post # 3
Member
332 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

@WillowTreeWade:  

I don’t have much in the way of advice, but I have heard that vasectomies can be reversible.  Maybe the two of you should talk with a doctor about it together, to make sure you have all the right facts.

Post # 4
Member
920 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

I think if you and him have thought long and hard about it, and don’t foresee your opinion of having children change over the next 5-10 years, then he should go for it. 

I don’t know much about the cost and risk of the procedure but that would probably affect my opinion of it as well. I too have heard it’s reversible. 

Post # 5
Member
11668 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@WillowTreeWade:  only you two can decide that but it sounds to me like you aren’t entirely sure about not having kids…

Post # 6
Member
9226 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2018

Well ultimately it is his body, his choice, so it is not up to you to ‘let him get snipped or not’. But I think you should definitely have a say, if you aren’t entirely 100% sure you don’t want kids, I would hold off on the vasectomy and keep going on BC pills.

Post # 7
Member
6505 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

@WillowTreeWade:  have you guys talked about what would happen if you do get pregnant? If not, I suggest you do that ASAP. Sounds to me like you aren’t sure, however, it sounds like your DH is very sure about not wanting children and might expect you to get an abortion. Would you be okay with that?

I personally think he should get one. He doesn’t want kids and he doesn’t want to use condoms. If I knew my husband was avoiding sex because he hates condoms, I would be searching for a different solution.

ETA: your title kind of rubs me the wrong way. It’s not up to you to “let” him do this. It’s his body so it’s hours choice. I think it’s great that he’s taking your opinion into account but it’s ultimately not up to you.

 

Post # 9
Member
1040 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

Have you considered the mirena coil. It’s actually as or even more effective than a vasectomy and it’s totally reversible. Only problem is that it can be a little technically difficult to insert in someone who hasn’t had children. On the plus side you often get lighter periods!

Post # 10
Member
4513 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Like PPs have stated, if you aren’t 100% sure then I wouldn’t do it. I would probably think long and hard on the subject though so that you can make a definitive decision one way or another since its affecting your sex life.

Post # 13
Member
474 posts
Helper bee

@WillowTreeWade:  I get where you’re coming from.

From very early on in life I’ve always known I didn’t want to have kids, the list of reasons is endless. 

It was very important to me to find a partner that would not only fully understand what he was getting into, but that would also have no doubts that he didn’t want to have kids.

My fiance is the love of my life. He’s so kind and generous, and great with kids. He would be a great father, but he doesn’t want children, and he says the same about me. 

I am 26, he’s 31. We’re waiting until after we get married to visit the doctor about him being a candidate for a vasectomy. 

My brother, who has kids, had the procedure done. My oldest brother (36) doesn’t have any children and doesn’t want them either. So, in my family there is no stigma about not wanting to have children and closing out the option for more children. 

I’m thinking this is where your doubts are coming from. It goes against the norm and what we have been taught from a very young age that it is something that we’re supposed to do. And something we should want.

I’m the same way. I’m 99.99999% sure I don’t want to have kids. But on occassion I will panic at the thought of something so final. But then after those moments of panic pass I know they’re just natural doubts anyone would have about such a serious life decision.

Now I don’t like to share this information much here on WB, but I had an abortion two years ago. It was an accident and I was on birth control at the time. Knowing that I had the opportunity to have one (“and just deal with it” as you’ve said) and chose not to, only confirms how I feel even more.

I just wanted to write in to let you know your doubts are completely normal when you choose to be childfree and to just give you some moral support. 

Post # 14
Member
105 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@WillowTreeWade:  My best friend got married 5 years ago and her husband had a vasectomy 15 years beforehand and he had it reversed after they got married.

 

 It did take them about a year to get pregnant, BUT if you changed your mind it is reversible!  

 

 

 

Post # 16
Member
5883 posts
Bee Keeper

I’d tell him to do it and be done with it. You said he has never wanted children anyway, so even if you conceived accidentally, what would happen? Would he expect you to terminate or would he go into parenthood willingly? Doesn’t sound that way, and even if YOU change your mind, what good does it to do have a less than willing partner?

Quick,easy,cheap and almost painless.

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