Post # 1
Ok, quick question, sincerely hoping the person I’m discussing isn’t on this site but I’m too lazy to make an anonymous account. Anyway.
I’ve always been very close to one of my family members. Like, VERY close. Anyway, I haven’t seen her in 5 years and she was going to come visit, alone first so we could have “girl time”. Well she has a fiance that she had previously admitted is a drunk and suffers from diagnosed BPD. He’s done weird manipulative things in the past but all in all doesn’t seem to be TOO concerning. Anyway, he doesn’t want her to come alone and he wants to come with her. I’m disappointed, because I really did want “girl time” (was even going to get us a fancy hotel room for a few days so we could do spa and get pampered) but was going to concede and offer them a couch, (because they’re partners and all, you know how it goes) but Danny is super hesitant. He says he’s never met this guy, he doesn’t personally know him, and he’s not comfortable with the guy staying in the house with the animals and/or with me while he’s away at work.
What would you do if you were us? Do you think it’s just courteous to let them stay in our house? Or would you suggest a hotel? I’m really not sure what the correct thing to do in this instance is and I was wondering your take on it.
Post # 3
- Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall
@imageeksowhat: I wouldn’t let them stay either for the reasons mentioned. Especially if you have animals, ESPECIALLY if the guy seems like a jerk from your description. And you’ve got an easy out, just let your friend know Danny isn’t ok with it.
Post # 4
This is a tough one…your FI makes a goo point because this guy sounds unpredictable. It’s shady that he feels he has the right to invite himself in the first place. I’ suggest a hotel unless your friend would be offended. How big is your place? If you dpnt have guest room you could blame it on that!
sorry for weirdness I’m on my iPhone.
Post # 5
We had the same issue with my cousin and her boyfriend. We decided that if one member of the household disagreed then it was a no. Kinda like having a baby. It takes two yesses, but only one no.
Post # 6
@TheFutureMrsNguyen: It’s ok, I have an iPhone, too, I know how it goes, lol.
Dude, my place is SO SMALL right now, but I’ll likely be in a bigger place by then…however, the 2nd bedroom we will probably have is going to be turned into a craft room because I do dance performances and I always leave my rhinestones/fabric/craft crap EVERYWHERE much to Danny’s dismay, haha.
I don’t want to be a person who like, pre-judges someone, but Danny is very concerned. I’m also physically disabled, so…he just doesn’t want a guy he doesn’t know around his disabled wife. I do feel like she’d be insulted if we asked her to stay at a hotel. Or he would, and I wouldn’t see her again.
Post # 7
@Sugaree: I agree. It is Danny’s house too and he should feel comfortable with the people invited over, especially if they will be in the house alone for extended periods. I would suggest a hotel and if your friend pushes the issue, please don’t throw Danny under the bus!
Post # 8
@Sugaree: Good point.
@KH: Valid point as well, I just wanted to see if Danny and I were just being judgy douche bags or if there was validity to his feelings of nervousness and my hesitancy as well.
Post # 9
@imageeksowhat: If you and Danny share your home, and he says no, the answer is no. To me, it’s really that simple. Your friend should understand.
Post # 10
- Wedding: April 2013 - Rhode Island
I’d blame it on the guest room space too. You should still be able to sneak away and have a girl’s day even if he comes. Right? I mean, he’s not going to like, follow you two around the whole visit is he?
Post # 11
@Christy42213: I honestly have no idea. I hope not.