Post # 1
Finally! A chance to move closer to my beau. I made it through all of the interviews and am going through the hiring paperwork process. If my paperwork goes through (transcripts, licenses, etc…) the company will offer me a position. Because I’ve never had any professional issues, I’m sure there won’t be any issues and I’ll get the job.
Currently we live about 100 miles apart. I live in Metro Detroit and he lives in Toledo. The new job will be about 25 miles from him, but will still be within the Michigan state line in small-town BFE.
Catch # 1: I’m switching career tracks and am unsure about the change. I have a few degrees, so I’m still technically working within my ideal career(s), but it’s still a BIG change. This puts me on edge.
Catch #2: I’m not looking forward to potentially living in BFE to be near the new job. However, if I move into the greater Toledo area I will at least be near civilization but have about a 30-35 mile commute each way. The good news is I will be just 10 minutes away from my prince (we wouldn’t be living together).
Catch #3: We’re not actually engaged. Although we talk and plot wedding plans, nothing is official. Although we’re both convinced we’ll be together forever and ever, I can’t help but see every possible outcome–including negative ones.
Catch #4: I could be putting myself in a crunch if I end up hating the new job. The nearest city to find a new job would be Ann Arbor, MI which is about a 40 mile commute from either place I would be potentially living in. It’s also a TOUGH city to get a job in because the job market is flooded because it’s a college town. Something to think about. Again, I obsess over details.
I’m super torn and have been going back and forth about it for the last week. When I asked my beau what I should do he gives me very status quo answers like, “It would be nice to have you closer, but it’s your decision to make.” Lame. He and his whole family couldn’t be more geeked about the move and his smile gets a little bigger and brighter when I talk about anything in regards to being closer to him. But, I… Still can’t make up my mind.
What would you do?
What was your relocation experience?
Post # 3
How long have you been dating, and do you consider this new job to be a sacrifice of sorts to be near your SO? That would be helpful to know!
Post # 4
@MariaW: We’ve been dating for a little over a year. As far as the new job? A sacrifice? Eeee…No, not particularly? I would still be utilizing my education, it has a similar salary, benefits, etc… It just has me freaked out because it’s such a big change! *laughs*
Post # 5
Would you take the job if your boyfriend weren’t in the picture? If not, then I’d think carefully before doing it.
Post # 6
If it doesn’t work out with the job or the guy, what is the job market like for you in Toledo?
Don’t sacrifice your career for a guy, ever.
Post # 7
I would wait for a better fit job. Let’s be honest here, he is only 100 miles away from you currently, that is what, 1.5 hr drive? I would not risk my career over this. Power through until you find a better job and will be happy with where you live (how happy are you gonna be in BFE with a non-ideal job and only Boyfriend or Best Friend nearby for friends?) or wait until you have a more solid committment. Even with an engagement though, I would cover your bases and go for your ideal career.
Post # 8
I’m confused. Why do you think this job will be a bad fit? After all of the interviews and studying your field, you should have a pretty good idea of what the work will be. I think you really need to sit down and separate real concerns about the job from cold feet about the big change. Change is scary, but it can also be very rewarding. I’m not sure exactly what field you’re in, but I bet opportunities like this don’t come everyday.
Post # 9
Hrm, I think his answer is good – he shouldn’t be influencing your decision. This should be your decision to make. However, how did you start applying for a job closer to him – was that something you just woke up one morning and decided to do or was it something you two discussed?
I’m more concerned with how your LIFE is going to change, more than your job. A 35 mile commute? How long will that take you to get to work? Why wouldn’t you live in BFE to be close to work since you commute 5 days a week (assuming) vs being closer to your SO?
Where do you ULTIMATELY want to live?
Why aren’t you two moving in together?
Do you have a timeline for engagement and wedding?
Post # 10
I’m unsure about the new job because it’s just a lot different then what I am used to. I don’t think it will be bad, just different. I’m a chicken, so that scares me. However, at my current job, we are expecting to lose our jobs in the next 6 months or so. So, my thought is get out now when I have options or wait and scramble/possible unemployment in the future.
Yes, we have been discussing about me relocating for about 6 months. It’s been a regular topic.
Yes, I know having a long commute is a pain. However, there aren’t really any decent apartments that are near where the job is. It’s a lower income area with a lot of farm land, run down apartment complexes and old houses. The housing options all seem to be very run down, grungy, etc… I have looked into renting houses in the “suburban” side of town, but it would end up costing me twice as much to do so. It doesn’t seem economical to do so. And renting a big ol’ suburban house seems like a waste anyway.
I ultimately want to live with him–after the wedding. We’re from conservative families and living together before the wedding is a no-no. We’d rather just bite the bullet, live separately until we get hitched (as a pain in the butt as it is) and save ourselves mega headaches from parents pissing and moaning about it for 20 years after the fact.
We’ll probably end up officially engaged in the next year (maybe even the next few months) and a wedding shortly after that. He wants a fall wedding, but I’ve come to the conclusion that we won’t have time/money over the span of the next year to get it all figured out. So, it will probably end up being Fall ’14.
Post # 11
Okay so if it were me, I would take the new job (esp cuz you think you’ll lose your current one) but at the same time I’d move to greater Toledo to be close to your guy.
I would never condone or want to move to BFE esp when its not where your guy lives. I would MUCH RATHER live closer to my guy and his family and an actual city with things to do than live closer to work.
I live in So. Cal and its pretty common to have a 35-40 minute commute to work… some have an hour or an hour and a half to get to the major cities from the suburbs so it doesn’t seem abnormal to me.
Being close to him is at least something you can find comfort in with all the changing things around you. Also, after work you can meet him for dinner or go hang out and on the weekends are the same.
If the job doesn’t go well, there might be more opportunity in Toledo.
The point is, if you think you’re going to be with this man for the rest of your life, I think you should/would want to spend as much time with him as possible (aka living in the same town) and start living your lives with each other around…
#2 has my vote for sure… I think its the best for the continued development of your relationship and for your professional situation as well
Don’t be afraid to try something new!
Your guy is supportive and will be there if you change your mind!
Post # 12
@KimmySumShuga: I feel like you’re probably right. I should just go ahead and take a leap of faith! So for now, Toledo… Here I come. Until I change my mind tomorrow morning (again). 😛
Post # 13
@evlpc: I definitely think so! You just need to be confident in your decision to do what will both make sense and make you happy… how could taking a FOR SURE job & being near the man you love NOT do those things? Let your confidence in your relationship give you the confidence to make the move!
Good luck my dear!