(Closed) To Register or Not To Register ? Wedding ? Bridal Shower?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
857 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

You should register – so you get the gifts you’d like. It’s a guideline for people who want to buy you gifts – that way you don’t get random, unmatched crap. 

Where I live, you register for “wedding” gifts that you actually get at the shower, and at the wedding you get cash/checks. However, different parts of the country do things differently.

 

Post # 4
Member
857 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Also: There are “alternative” registries for honeymoons and things like that that are worth looking into if you have everything you need/want already! Or, its a great time to upgrade! 

Post # 5
Member
48 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: January 2014

@Jbomb1989:  I would def. register for the bridal/wedding shower. It’s a shower so it is pretty standard to bring gifts. 

I’ve read from many bees that you should have a least a small registry for guests who will want to give you a gift but aren’t comfortable with giving cash.

As for me, I will be in a similar situation with you. My FI and I live in a studio so I really don’t want extra stuff. Our friends and family know we’re not expecting gifts. I’ve been debating whether or not to register myself so I’m glad you posted this.

Post # 6
Member
3697 posts
Sugar bee

Generally, you do one registry that people can use as suggestions for either/both events. Some people will give cash or gift cards, some people will use the registry, and some will do their own thing. It’s wise to include a range of items at different price points. My FILs wanted us to register at three places: one mass-market, one more upscale, and one middle-of-the-road, so that people had options. I thought it was a little arbitrary, because our price ranges at each place more or less overlapped, but it does give people options, suggestions, and ideas.

We initially didn’t even want to register, but it’s a good idea to do it in “self-defense,” because people will want to give you gifts, and this helps you get things you will like and use rather than random stuff you won’t really be able to use. My sister warned me to register because she and her FI didn’t at first, when they got married a few years ago. Then, for her shower, they got a wooden duck, a lawn gnome, and about 37 floursack dishtowels with cheesy embroidery (like, roosters and stuff). The kicker? They live in an apartment in Brooklyn, miles away from the nearest lawn. After that, they made a registry.

Post # 9
Member
509 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

At first we weren’t going to register anywhere either but like @kariface:  said, it’s best to have something they can buy that you’d actually want then them picking out whatever. Plus you can always take stuff back you don’t really end up needing to get things you do. We’ve been living together for 2 years and basically just upgraded the things we already have. Now we have a nice matching set of dishes, etc… Basically went through and weeded out all the hand me downs each of us received way back when for college. Around these parts the registry is really for the showers and cash is given at the wedding.

Post # 12
Member
48 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: January 2014

@Jbomb1989:  I think to be safe you should do a small registry just to keep yourself from ending up swamped with salt and pepper shakers or unwanted items. Some guidance for guests who want to give you something. 

I can’t comment on Canadian weddings, but I know stateside that usually sends a subtle message that gifts though welcomed are not necessary. People will probably just give cash.  Also if it’s common knowledge that you’ve been living together, many of your guests will probably make the assumption you don’t need a bunch of items. 

I think it’s great and super polite that you’ve made it clear you don’t expect gifts, but people are still going to bring you gifts of some form. Ward off the matching cat mugs!!

Post # 13
Member
3697 posts
Sugar bee

Yeah, keep the registry small. A lot of stores will pressure you to register for 2x as many gifts as you have guests (on the theory that every guest will need to get you both a shower gift and a wedding gift).

That’s BS, at least as far as the couple is concerned. The stores love it because it boosts their bottom line – because all those gifts don’t usually get bought, and then the couple feels pressure to “complete the registry” (because nobody wants to start married life incomplete, do they?) Even thought they offer a completion discount, they are still profiting from selling more stuff than you actually wanted and needed. *Especially* if you have a big guest list. If you don’t actually want or need 500+ gifts, don’t feel that you have to register for them.

Register just for things you will actually want and use. Some guests will do their own thing, some guests will buy several gifts from the registry, others will use it as a suggestion list/springboard and find something complementary to surprise you with, that they think you will probably like (and often they’re right!) If your registry is small and gets bought out, people will probably give cash or gift cards.

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