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Haha. It always cracks me up when people think that an invitation is some sort of a ticket that is up for grabs to whomever can use it.
You so don't have to invite the random 2 people, especially since they aren't inviting you to their wedding - and why would they, you aren't close! It was rude of your aunt to assume the invite is transferrable and you are under no obligation to invite the randoms even if your mom thinks you "should." Who is paying for the wedding? If your mom is paying then, hey, if she wants to spend the extra $ per head for the two then fine, but if not then you don't have to listen to her.
Oh dear. Um... good luck? That's pretty crazy that she thinks she can send 2 random family members in her place. It seems like the right thing to do is to send her the invite... but is there any way at all to indicate that the invitation is for HER, and not for random Robert and his second wife? Maybe your mom can talk to her... or something? I do like MOH's idea of just pretending that the invite got lost in the mail ;-)
dont send an invite out of obligation, especially in this case. That is really rude to assume the invite is transferrable. You arent invited to their wedding, they dont really have a palce at yours. I would have your mom explain to her that is was your aunt you hoped to be there, and you want to keep it to CLOSE family only. If all else fails, blame it on the post office :)
That's weird. You should have your mom call her cousin back and explain that your wedding is small, too, but you had really hoped she could be there because you felt so close to her growing up and unfortunately you can't accomodate her grandson and his wife, who you've never met. It was pretty presumptuous of her to think otherwise.
In this particular case, I would not send her an invitation. Instead, I would send her a note - something along the lines of:
Dear Mary, I heard from my mom that you were unable to attend the wedding. I'm sorry you are unable to attend, but we'll be sure to send you some pictures. Thank you for the well wishes my mother conveyed on your behalf. Love, Emily
(I was trying to word in something about not inviting her g'son - but it gets to awkward and I think the NON-invitation would be enough. If you decide to go this route, and send the note, and she comes back with a - can Richard be invited - I think there is NO REASON you can't say that you would prefer not - as you don't have a relationship with him.)
Good luck!
Oh, the nerve of some people! I would never even DREAM of "sending someone in my place." Gheesh!
I would still send her an invitation because yeah, she'll be expecting one now. A few people on our geuist list told us after they got the STD they wouldn't be able to attend, but we still send them an invite to be nice (people like getting things in the mail). BUT, if for some reason, she returns the reply card with someone else's name, I would have your mom call her and explain that the invite was for her only. If she asks why, tell your mom to say that you're trying to make it as intimate as possible, and were very peticular about who you invited, and that she hopes she understands.
Gosh, I'm sorry you have to deal with this! I hope it turns out for the best (for your sanity!).
@jocelyn -- I know, right! Like one invite = free-for-all, ugh.
@Kitty -- My parents are contributing some money to the wedding, but we're all paying for it together (my parents, fiance's parents, me and fiance), with fiance's parents contributing the most. My parents' contribution covered the photographer's fee (around $3k). Most of the reception costs are being covered by my future in-laws, and they only asked us to invite one extra relative who we didn't have in mind at first.
People can be so odd with wedding invites! I think you should still send the invitation because she's expecting one now and that could cause some family drama if it never comes. I would however, have your mom call her back and explain that your wedding is small too and that you wanted to invite her to attend and that you wish her Grandson and his wife a happy marriage and wish that you had room for them to attend.
Good luck!
@oracle -- I really like that idea! I may just have to do that, if I can't get my mom to talk to her (my mom can be kind of a pushover when it comes to dealing with older relatives).
I have to wonder though, would Robert and his wife even show up? I mean, if the situation was reversed, I would NEVER dream of attending a wedding with fiance in tow in place of my mom or grandma or anything, especially if it's for a relative with whom I haven't had contact in more than a decade!
OK, well there's your answer. You only have room for one in the budget and your FIL's are paying. You could always do the send the invite to Aunt Mary thing but do what many posters on here have suggested about putting on the invite "We have reserved ___ seats in your honor" and fill in one, then if your aunt tries to do a write-in thing (which she probably will it seems) then someone gets to make the awk phone call saying sorry but we can't accomodate more than one person. I'd go with a "our venue can only fit X number" instead of a budget constraint excuse, personally.
I wouldn't bother - she already said she won't be able to come, and that way she can't 'pass it off' to her grandson and his wife that you don't even know. :)
-Bella
@azula - I'm hoping - since her grandson and his wife just went through wedding planning - if she mentions it - they will talk some sense into her if she even suggests such a thing. I really think with the note and no invite it will get the point across politely! When I first read your post - my first thought was that she would send representatives on behalf of her family - I think it's kind of an old school thing to do - and she wasn't necessarily being rude about it - if that makes any sense.
I go with either not sending it and saying it got lost in the mail, or with Oracle's idea of sending a 'sorry you can't attend' note. Either email or letter, whatever she uses - something along the lines of "Hi Aunt Mary, I was all set to mail out your invitation today but then I heard you won't be able to make it! (This implies, hopefully, that there is NOT an invite now.) So sorry to hear that but I know you'll be thinking of us, yadda yadda..."
Totally agree that treating a wedding invite like a transferable ticket is not ok. I'm sure she meant no harm by it but as the bride, you have every right to decline the 're-gifted' invitees.
While I do like my MOH's idea about blaming it on the post office, I worry that if I do that, Mary will think something like "Well, it's the post office's fault I didn't get the invite, but she was inviting me anyway, so I'll just tell my grandson to go in my place", know what I mean?
I think I'm going to ask my mom to talk to her again first, since she's her cousin. But if that doesn't work, I'm going the note route. Hopefully the point gets accross and I don't end up at the reception going "Who are those two people? Is that... Mary's grandson and his wife?!"... urgh...
Thanks for the help, ladies! You're all awesome :D
I wouldnt send the invitation but I also wouldnt blame the post office. Just be upfront about it and tell her that you would have loved to have her there but you have a strict guest list and budget and if she cant make it she cant send someone else in her place. Since her grandson is getting married and already said that you wont be invited due to guest list restraints, hopefully she would understand the situation you are in!
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When we were making the guest list, my dad asked me to invite his cousin Ray and his wife. While growing up I saw cousin Ray about once a year, maybe, but I agreed and we put him in the guest list. Cousin Ray is now very excited about coming to the wedding. A few weeks ago while going over the guest list I felt that it was a bit wrong to invite my dad's cousin Ray who I'd see only once a year and not invite my mom's cousin Mary who I'd see very frequently while growing up, who I'd visit all the time, whose grandkids I used to babysit, etc. We're trying to keep the guest list at 100 people with a little wiggle room, and the wiggle room allows for inviting her, so I called mom and asked her to find me Mary's address to send her an invite. So far so good, right?
Well, mom calls me the other day to tell me that she called Mary to ask her address, and when she explained what it was for, Mary said to her something along the lines of "Oh, but the wedding is so far away, and you know I don't drive, I don't think I'll be able to go... But I'll send Robert [one of her grandsons] and his wife in my place!". So wait, hold on a second -- first of all, I haven't even seen Robert in at least fifteen years so I wasn't going to invite him, and second, his wife?! When did he get married, isn't he like 12? So then mom tells me that Robert is 22 now, and he's getting married in January (my wedding's in February), but my mom doesn't even know his fiancee's name. Then she adds that Mary told her "Robert's wedding is going to be a very small CLOSE FAMILY ONLY affair, so you'll understand if we didn't tell you about it, right? So he'll be married by the time Emily [that's me] gets married so I'll just send him and his wife in my place to Emily's wedding".
Sooo... she's declining the invite before the invitations are even sent out, and decides that her grandson and his wife, who I haven't even met, will attend in her place, so she turns an invite for 1 person who I know into an invite for 2 people who I don't know. I told mom "If she already said she's not coming, then I shouldn't send her an invitation anyway", but mom insists that now I *have* to invite her because we already asked for her address...
My MOH says that I shouldn't send her an invitation and that if she asks I should just blame it on the post office and say they must have lost the invitation, and that way I can avoid having two random people (the grandson and his wife) show up in her place. What do y'all think? Should I still invite her or not?