Post # 1
…I feel like a complete weirdo for even contemplating this…but whatever.
Reader’s Digest Version: My best friend of over 30 years and I haven’t spoken to each other in over a year, BECAUSE her FI borrowed the $$ for her e-ring and I literally had to chase him down like a loan shark to get it back after six months…it was a mess…I hated it…but also refused to be a doormat….Mr. 99 and I were totally villified for what we did, and since we could barely get them to return a text…it was a foregone conclusion that we were both unceremoniously removed from the wedding party as Maid of Honor and Best Man.
But…it certainly didn’t just end with the wedding….she’s also pregnant, and currently at the hospital in labor…I sent a wedding gift, I sent a baby gift…for some reason beyond MY comprehension…I feel like I should send flowers to her room.
We may not be speaking…but 30 years is a long time…I’m still VERY close with her parents, although Mr. 99 and I have kept our distance because we don’t want to put anyone in a bad spot….but they called on my birthday, and insisted that we come see them and soon….so I’m nervous about that because I certainly don’t want to put a strain on the relationship with their daughter.
I don’t know what is wrong with me, if I’m a glutton for punishment or if I’m just one of those people….but this is a big deal, and whether we ever see each other again….I want her to know that I’m happy for her….on the same note, I’m just fed up and disgusted that two people could be so very clueless and irresponsible with other people’s feelings….but then again…I know her shower was very ill attended and she literally received a case of diapers, some blankets and clothes….no bottles, no monitor, no pump…nothing…and that’s sad….but another part of me feels like there’s a whole group of us that have just had enough of being the Gravy Train for these two, and her poorly attended shower was a result of that…..
As you can see, I’m oscillating from one end to the other on this….what the frak would you do?
Post # 3
I wouldn’t see any point in maintaining a so-called friendship with these people. What are you getting out of it?
Post # 4
@julies1949: Absolutely nothing…but I do feel terribly bad for her
Post # 5
- Wedding: July 2014 - Prague
She knows you’re happy for her. You’ve sent her gifts. Be done with it and stop feeling guilty. She made her bed, didn’t she.
Post # 7
- Wedding: September 2015 - Ketchum, ID
@julies1949: I mean, 30 years is a long time to just throw away.
Post # 8
@Nona99: Sucky people really do SUCK! I agree with PP that you did your duty (beyond that IMO) so I would leave well enough alone. Sometimes you have to put things to bed and this relationship seems like its one of them. People will suck the life out of you if you let them so I say snip, snip the friendship strings and be happy with Mr.99!
Post # 9
@mrspinesol: IT IS! And that’s where I get hung up…but I’m not the one that threw it away over a $500 ring…..its such a bitter pill to swallow, either way.
I send flowers, get no reply from either of them and I’m out $50
I send nothing, hear from our shared friends and family what a hard time she had, how no one sent anything and she’s home with a newborn freaking out….and feel like an asshole.
I honestly can’t win.
Post # 10
@CocoClassic: …maybe I’ll just send some flowers to MYSELF…it WAS my birthday and Mr. 99 and I are hitting the town for a weekend long celebration of all things Nona…who knows, we might even hold hands and stuff 😉
Post # 11
@Nona99: Yikes. This is why I dont loan money – adults who ask other adults for loans will always make you the bad guy for having the temerity to actually expecting them to pay their debt.
If your friend is a user, then good riddance.
If she’s not or has other redeeming qualities, then send the flowers but don’t expect anything in return.
At the end of the day, I don’t believe any act of kindness is ever wasted. Even if she’s ignores or rejects your gesture now, maybe in time she’ll come around and you can resume your friendship.
Post # 12
@Nona99: I don’t think pity is a good reason to keep a friendship going. History doesn’t mean anything if the present sucks. I’d save your kindness for someone who deserves it. Did she acknowledge the gifts you already sent? Either way, I don’t think she deserves anything more.
Post # 13
- Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry
Send the flowers to yourself, and send her a lovely baby card if you feel you still have to do something. You’ve already sent a gift-she doesn’t “need” another one after the baby’s born.
Post # 14
- Wedding: March 2014 - A castle!
@Nona99: If no one sends anything to her, it’s because she’s probably dicked them all over like she did to you. Don’t send anything, OR send something to the baby who is completely innocent in this and the grandchild of your friends.
Post # 15
@MrsPanda99: …umm, she acknowledged the baby gift via text….and her FI thanked Mr. 99 via FB message for the wedding gift….pretty feeble on both accounts.
Post # 16
@Nona99: That’s the spirit! Its what YOU deserve so HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Go get sexy for Mr. 99 and PAR-TAY!