Post # 1
My fiance and I would like to serve alcohol at our wedding reception. My parents are okay with our decision. His mother does not want to be embarassed by having alcohol at the reception. She has not said one word to me about her feelings. She tells my fiance how she feels and expects him to relay the message to me. He said she tip-toes around the issue with him and won’t just come out and say how she feels. Our wedding is less than one week away. The vendor needs to know by tomorrow if we plan to have a bar so they can have extra staff on hand. I would hate to go ahead and have the bar without discussing it with her, but on the other hand, she has never told me a single word about it. What should I do?
Also, since we got engaged, his mother has said that I am in charge of decisions. It is my day and I shouldn’t let other’s have too much influence or make my decisions for me.
I am so lost right now! I don’t want to hurt her feelings, but my fiance and I (and lots of guests) would like to have a bar.
Post # 3
have a bar! SO’s mom isnt too happy (not upset just… a little worried, i guess) with the fact that we’re having a full open bar, mostly because two of SO’s brothers are recovering alcoholics. But seriously, it’s our wedding and their alcoholism is really not my problem. It’s harsh but we have 200 guest and about 75% of them drink, including SO and I. I’m not going to change my wedding and how I want it to be because of 2 people that can’t control themselves.
I say talk to her and tell her how you feel. She has to understand. And is she doesnt, have your bar anyway.
Post # 4
It is your’s and your FI’s wedding. If you want to have a bar, then have one. Make her stand by her statement of “his mother has said that I am in charge of decisions. It is my day and I shouldn’t let other’s have too much influence or make my decisions for me.” She will get over it. If you don’t stand up to her now, it will be harder to stand up to her later.
Post # 5
Like PP said, if its what you guys want then do it. I she doesnt want to drink then she doesnt have to
Post # 6
There would have be no one at my wedding if there was no alcohol! Remember: It’s your wedding and YOU do what YOU want. Other people can deal with your decisions.
Post # 7
Why would the Future Mother-In-Law be embarassed by having alcohol at the reception?
In any case, it’s YOUR decision. If you want a bar, have one. If it would help, you could consider having beer and wine only… But, I say, HAVE A BAR. I know my guests would be SORELY disappointed if they showed up to a dry wedding.
Post # 8
I wonder why she will feel embarassed by having it at the wedding. Is it due to religious reasons? Perhaps she can’t “handle” her alcohol? Either way, I think you should do what you want. She hasn’t taken the time to tell you one way or the other, or explain her reasonig… so I woudln’t cancel something I wanted so much for her. Hopefully it won’t be a slap in the face to her, but honestly, it doesn’t seem to be a big deal.
My parents are way against us having alcohol. My mom’s dad was an alcoholic, go figure. They don’t want our wedding “ruined” by people who drink too much. But they did say it was my choice and I can do what I want. The only thing they asked was that they did not want to pay for it. That presents a problem because they’re paying for the entire wedding… so we’re trying to scrape up some money to do it. We’ll see what happens 🙂
Post # 9
You want a bar, so HAVE A BAR. I would find it very strange to not have the choice to have a drink as a guest.
Post # 10
If you want a bar then have one. We’re having a dry wedding partially because of his family’s religion and partially because we aren’t big drinkers and can’t afford it anyway. Is your Future Mother-In-Law paying for the wedding? If so, I’d say pay for the bar yourself.
Post # 11
I really think that if you want an open bar and she’s not paying for it then you should have an open bar. However, is there anyway you could compromise? Maybe only have an open bar for the cocktail hour and then just a cash bar after that? People may drink less with the knowledge that they’ll have to pay for it later. Or maybe just serve wine and beer? That may make her feel a little more comfortable.
Hopefully she won’t be too angry with your choice. After all, she did tell you to make your own decisions.
Post # 12
It’s something you want.. you can afford it… and it’s only one night. She’ll get over it. It if was really that serious she should’ve discussed it with you like a grown woman. Have a bar and don’t give it a second thought.
Post # 13
For her not to come talk to you shows you that she is not serious. Have a bar. If she confronts you later tell her she should of come to you personally in the first place.
Post # 14
In my culture (Mexican) and my SO culture (Italian) we always serve alcohol and open bar. It’s really not that expensive. My sister was married last August and the bar bill came to about $3000 for a 300 person wedding.
If you’re a born again or similar and you don’t drink alcohol, then that is another case.
Post # 15
I was thinking about asking her if we could have a bar, but I think I will just tell her that we made a decision about it. Other than this, I couldn’t ask for better in-laws. Not sure why she is being so evasive. My fiance and I both drink and lots of guests do too. One of my main concerns was that my parents paid for the reception venue for four hours. I had planned to use the entire four hours, but if we didn’t have a bar most of the guests would leave early. No one that we invited will get drunk at a wedding.
Thank you all so much for the advice. I needed to hear it to have confidence in my decision.
I read Weddingbee every day. Everyone here is so helpful!