(Closed) To speak up or not to speak up?

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
451 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Regarding leaving for a bit to go see your boyfriend:  don’t ASK, tell her that oh by the way you are running over to say hi to your boyfriend at X time.  Your are not being held hostage!

That’s incredibly rude about the bachelorette party!  I really don’t know how to handle it except to 1. direct her to the other girl (which you did) and 2. tell her sorry but your budgets are limited due to everything else you’ve paid for.  It seems like you don’t need to be very polite to her anymore.

I wouldn’t cause too much since it’s almost over, but that is all really annoying!  And for the hair, what do the other girls think?  Can you band together to explain that you will all be messed up and sweaty from setting up?   

 

Post # 5
Member
3583 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Holy crappoli what a weirdo.  Yep, she’s got the Bridezilla in her.  I wouldn’t actually give her an option about leaving to greet your man.  You tell her that ‘I’m happy to help you, but you can live without me for 30 minutes and you will.’  The bachelorette thiing – eff it, let SIL take care of it since she wanted to.  But I think it is incredibly t-word to demand something even bigger (although I am now just thinking about what I recently upgraded for mine…note to self: talk to BM’s about it) for the spa and dinner.

Can you explain what the point of getting ready together is if she’s not getting ready until after the spa?  She has zero idea about logisitcs obviously.  Make sure you don’t do your make up until afterwards and when your hair looks completely ridic afterwards, shrug your shoulders and say ‘we tried to tell you…’. 

I agree with Cheeks225, it’s almost over. Don’t say anything until after. 

Post # 6
Member
635 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

There are a lot of issues here. 1) Ignore her requests for the bachelorette party. If she makes a fuss, she’ll look like a spoiled brat.  2) I’d give her a time frame when you can help her. “Hey friend. I’ll need to shower after helping set up for your wedding. I’ll help until Xpm, at which point I’ll run home to get ready. I’ll be back by Xpm.” If she throws a fit, explain that you’re trying to help her as much as possible, but you simply have to get cleaned up. 3) I think 8 minutes is pretty long for a MOH speech. The other guests will thank you for cutting it down.

Post # 7
Member
1038 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

If she still won’t budge about the hair thing apply to her vanity….tell her “what if our hair gets messed up, imagine how bad that will look in the photographs, I mean what if I’m not able to get it back to how it was perfectly styled??”.

 

 

If she still was being a bridezilla, knowing me, I would make sure my hair got messed up getting things set up and smiled my way all through her pictures that day just to prove a point, lol.

 

 

As for your bf, go see him.  You can tell her he had some photography questions and you figured you could answer them for him without adding another worry to your bride. 

Post # 8
Member
1639 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@Dizbee:  Do you want to continue the friendship? At this point, I would wait until after the wedding and tell her your feelings are hurt you never got a ‘thank you’ for all you did.

Please, by ALLLL means, when YOU marry, leave her out of your wedding party. I bet that when it is your turn she is not be a kind as your are in following BM directions.

Post # 9
Member
7865 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I wouldn’t even ask to leave to see my FI, I’d just go and tell them I’d be back in 30 minutes. You are not a prisoner! As far as the hair, personally I would probably do a half-ass job on it in the morning and then re-do it later if she insists. Having you move tables and such after having your hair and makeup done is really ridiculous though.

And yeah…not to be mean but I’d cut that speech down anyway. I think most people get bored after like 2-3 minutes lol.

Post # 10
Member
429 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

Man I feel your pain! I went through the same thing with a friend of mine. You want Bridezilla I had the Queen Bridezilla! Just to name a few things, I spent just over $1800 on her wedding, she had 2 bachelorette parties because she didnt want her sister at the wild one so we had to throw her another one, she had an engagament party that we all paid for, she made us get our hair cut and dyed a week before the wedding, she insisted we all go for a few tans before the wedding, our dresses were over $300 and ugly I might add, she told us what our wedding gift to her would be (which was a $400 bar b que fom the bridesmaids), I mean this is just to name a few things I could go on and on and on.

So anyways what Im getting at here is that was 3 years ago and to this day Im still sooo pissed about it! I wish with every ounce of my being tha I had said something to her but for some reason we all sucked it up and did what she wanted. I am still friends with her but it burns me every time I think about it. I think you should say something to her even if its just about seeing your boyfriend “You know we’ve done a lot for you, gone above and beyond and all Im asking for is to see him quick, I dont think thats too much to ask after everything Ive done for you” or something like that. Believe me, if you dont put your foot down at some point you will regret it I promise you, look at me 3 years later and Im still super pissed about it!  All the bridesmaids are still mad to this day, we talk about it sometimes and we all get riled up about it still that we were soooo stupid to not say something to her and stand up for ourselves!

Post # 11
Member
55 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

My jaw literally dropped when you said she asked you guys to pay for her pedicure. I think I’m more pissed at her parents for raising such a spoiled brat (is that going too far?)

I’m with the other girls in the just tell don’t ask department…go see your man whenever you want.

Maybe all of you can have an intervention and just tell her is makes ZERO sense to do hair and make-up before set-up/decorating…if she really wants to see you guys get ready then she should have someone else be doing the dirty work.

Post # 12
Member
2010 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Four things…

1. say something for sure.

2. I know you’re in my city and I’m thankful you are not bringing her to my salon. 😉

3.  Go see your man t your leisure.

4.  Push the hair issue, you guys are going to be miserable in the heat And humidity. Byoull want to be fresh and feeling good through this last bit of your nightmare.

 

Good luck!!!!!

Post # 14
Member
1375 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I’d also push the hair issue.  Bring up how bad it will look in pictures with all your hair falling out after she uses you for slave labor.  She sounds bridezilla-y enough that it might work on her.

At this point, I’d wait until her wedding is over to see if the wedding industrial complex in her has faded a bit, then tell her that some of her actions were hurtful to you.  If she stays the way she is now, well, I suggest you find yourself a new friend.

Post # 15
Member
1800 posts
Buzzing bee

@Cheeks225:  +1

Go see him, dont even say anything to her, F*** her at this point she is being a total Bridezilla and this is total slave labor. That humidity will not bode well for the hair, and tell her that, maye she will cave, as PP suggested.

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