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i'd tell her that you're thinking about getting married and that you may be looking at rings soon and see what her response was.. if it's good then you go delve deeper into the convo.
I did not tell my mom when I found out my FI was ring shopping and I wish I had. She did not give a very good reaction when the moment came and if she'd been more prepared I think it would have been better.
i agree with cerebre, tell your mom some basics. i told my mom that i knew he bought the ring, but she didn't really care. haha. i think she wants it to happen, but she's pretending that it's not important. i made her swear that she wouldn't say anything to anyone and so far so good. that was 3 months ago.
I voted no b/c I thought that you meant the actual ring shopping versus your mom not knowing that you and your FI in waiting are discussing marriage. By all means, inform your family and friends that you two are discussing marriage...but the actual ring purchasing and proposal I would keep to myself...at least until it was official.
I think you shouldn't mention it until you have it....it will make the reveal all the more special!
I think it's a totally personal decision that you can only make. We didn't tell anyone at all when we were ring shopping and all that because we wanted to enjoy the surprise of it all, then share it with everyone after the proposal.
I wouldn't tell her, but maybe thats just me. I didnt really tell my mom that I was ready to get married or anything like that, we just dont have that kind of relationship, which sounds kinda weird now that I am writing it lol.
I am also kind of worried she wont be that excited for me when i DO get engaged and I really long for that,
iggies - that's too funny! i think my mom has kind of been the same way. i know she's thinking "when's this show happening already??" but she has always stopped short of actually saying that to me. i think she'd try to play off like it wasn't a big deal, but i'm not sure!
corgi - that's terrible! i'm sorry. moms are so hard to read sometimes. but yeah, that's sort what i'm worried about, that she may be a little disheartend that i didn't tell her sooner. sigh.
@jaxx317 this same exact thing happened to me NOT EVEN a week ago. My SO and I went e-ring shopping last week but we had concluded that we wanted to keep with tradition and pretend like i have "no clue". So with that I told no one, except weddingbee that is. and well... one friend who lives a state away (i had to tell SOMEONE). But him being the guy and all, he was allowed to tell friends and family, that he was, you know, thinking about proposing. Which he did.
Fast forward to last Thursday or so. My mother is coming here for Thanksgiving (I am an only child with a single parent... i have to work black friday and was invited to SO;s thanksgiving since its like 20 min away-- they also extended the invite to mommma snake.) My mother gets SO's mother's number and calls her up. SO's mom ASSUMED my mom knew we went ring shopping (our fault. My SO had told her WE went shopping and didnt mention NOT to say anything about to to my mother). And my mom mentioned to me on the phone later that night that his mom was all giddy that the two of them were going to be MILs soon and all of that. She inititally thought she was getting carried away--- but SO and i decided to let her know what the case really was.
At first she was a little let down. That i didnt tell her at first. I had to reinstate our intentions were to make it seem like i "had no idea" and he was actually set on meeting up with her (maybe at thanksgiving) to ask if he had her permission to wed her daughter.
All in all i wish i told her--- her finding out because my FMIL spilled the beans wasn't right --- not that i'm upset with FMIL or SO, it just was badly planned.
Anyhow, good luck with your decision!
I'm on the same page as you. I only tell my mother things that she needs to know. You of all people would know what her reaction will be going to be so if you think she is going to be judgemental then dont mention anything.
If you want to test her out ask her what she would think if you and your bf were to get married....
Hope this helps.
@honeybear- I know what you mean... i really wanted that movie moment where I tell my mom i'm engaged and she screams and is super excited.... yea didn't happen :) But I can tell you that even if she isn't excited it's ok. It isn't about the parents its about you two. And she'll get over it. It's been a few weeks now and my mom has really come around to the idea... I think some parents just take longer than others to get on board.
@jaxx if you're confident that she's going to be happy about the engagement then maybe don't tell her so it will be a surprise. :)
Jaxx....Zip it! lol
Just because your boy told you to look for rings you like doesnt mean he will actually propose in the coming days. The minute you tell your momma she might start asking you over and over when it's going to happen which might make you more impatient with your BF. You have mentioned in previous post that he has just started to open up about marriage, so right now being patient is the only way to stay sane.
Personally, I like the element of surprise. My bf and I have gone ring shopping several times, and we are now at the point where he takes over to do the purchasing and surprise proposal. And my mother has no idea. I would like the bf to ask my mom for her permission to marry me beforehand, though.
But, my mom is getting impatient. We are looking to buy a new house, and my mom isnt very excited because she thinks we are working backwards...which is frustrating because we've already lived together for over a year! We just want to buy a place back in our hometown....something you would expect her to be excited about! ugh.
Anyways, I didnt vote because you need to ultimately decide what's best for your situation. For me....I'd like to keep the element of surprise when it comes to the ring shopping. However, my mom is very much aware that we've talked wedding and planned to get married.
I can't really say what's right for you. I certainly don't know your relationship. But I voted for, in the middle. Can you hint to her that you and your BF are getting pretty serious, but not really talk rings etc.? My reasoning is that, I think my mom would have been a little hurt if I came home engaged, and she felt like she had no clue it would be coming. As a mom, I might be a bit shocked too, if my daughter came home engaged, and I didn't know they were that serious. (That and she's only 4. 
)
I told my Mom we were shopping and had a 'timeline' established, but I did this knowing she truly knows everything before I tell her. So she had a perfect reaction - she wasn't surprised, but also not overly excited since it hadn't happened yet. It ended up working out very well for us because he had the diamond shipped to her house and asked both parents for permission and she was prepared for both (my Dad was shocked!).
If I were you, I would mention something casually in a more general sense about making steps towards getting engaged and see what she says. If she's very interested and excited, you can share more, if not then you don't have to say anything else.
I'd wait and keep the news a surprise when it happens. Way more fun that way, and you avoid the possibility of judgment.
it totally depends on your relationship with fi and your mom. i didn't tell my mom when i knew he had it and was waiting to give it to me, mostly because i knew it was important to him to keep it secret. but i did tell her before then that we'd been talking about marriage, and that i knew he'd be resetting an heirloom stone. i only really told her though because she was upset about something else, and going through some medical stuff too, so i knew it'd make cheer her up and get her excited/thinking about positive things!
I would just tell her the minimum. Enough that you feel good and excited, but not too much. Like you have been looking around at e-rings becuase you and BF are getting more serious, but that you don't know for sure if its going to happen soon.
No on ring shopping; but totally yes on you thinking about marriage
thanks for the advice girlies!
i should add that my mom does know that this was my "make or break" year. i had told her (when she was with me and a couple of my close friends at one of their baby showers) that this year would be an ultimatum year - that if i didn't get a ring or at least a serious commitment i was getting one soon, i would be single as of 1/1/2010 ;)
i haven't kept her in the loop since about our discussions, because other than me and my BF confirming that marriage is definitely in the cards for us, and him saying "i need to know your ring size", there hasn't been a whole lot to report. she knows that i want to get married and he's the one i want to marry. and she's (thankfully!) not the "when are you guys married??"-type, naggy mom. i do think she may want a clue before i make an official announcement, but whether it comes from me saying, "hey, i might be getting a ring soon" or him asking my mom's blessing before he pops the question, i'm not sure.
i've told two or three close friends because they know people who work for jewelers or deal with jewelers regularly, hoping to get some advice/recommendations. but she will be seeing one of these friends in 2.5 weeks when we go to her bridal shower, so i don't really want her to feel left out, ya know?
oy - moms!
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Dear Bee-eautiful Bees:
I am in the process of e-ring "shopping" but for fear of jinxing the whole thing, I haven't really mentioned it to too many people. Except for posting here on WB :)
Although I don't care how many people he tells about it, I kinda want the whole thing to be a surprise to my friends and family. But I am kinda bursting at the seams and my question is: should I tell my mom I'm shopping?
We aren't that close and I tend to tell her only as much as she needs to know about my life goings on. Part of me wants to tell her b/c I'm excited and want to share it, but of me feels like if I tell her - she has a tendency to be judgemental - she'll have expectations of when and what he gets me, etc. etc. I also don't know if he's planning to ask for her blessing or permission before he pops the question, so add that to the mix.
What do you think?