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my advice and its just my opinion is hold off telling anyone for a few weeks. wait til you have had your first drs appointment and you know things are going in the right direction . its really hard believe me i know i am 6weeks and my scan is tomorrow for my early assessment due to my personal issues and not telling anyone but the bees has been tough but i have relied on the bees and had great support. once dr says things going ok then ok tell both sets of parents its not fair on your so not to be able to share with his family if you have with yours. but i would hold off on the public announcement til you have had your first normal scan here in uk its around 12 weeks
as i said its just an opinion good luck and huge congratulations
My opinion is, it is his baby too. If you are telling your parents, it isn't fair to make him wait to tell his.
It may be hard, but WAIT! We didn't tell anyone until we were 13 weeks and had all the couple dr appt's out of the way as well as the US. It alleviated a lot of stress this way!
I don't think I could not tell my mom something that big. I'd also go to her for support if the pregnancy didn't go well. Maybe you can come to a compromise with your DH - you can both tell your moms, but they're not allowed to spread the news since it's so early.
And if you can't compromise, well, you're the one whose pregnant. If you need your mom's help and support, then you should be able to tell her.
@heathaah: I agree. I understand what you are saying about not wanting to tell your inlaws but I think that if you are not prepared for his parents to know, maybe you guys should wait a little longer before telling anyone.
We didnt tell our parents at the same time. we originally both deicided to wait and tell our parents at 12 week mark but then I gave in and told my mom a week earlier but he still wanted to hold off telling his parents until I was 13 weeks
Agreed. How would he feel that your parents know but his doesn't since he already wants to tell everyone. You either tell all or none.
I'm not really in the camp of just because "I'm" pregnant I get to do x,y,z and when it's convenient it's his baby as well. It's both the wife and husband's baby, all the time, 24/7.
I would probably wait a week or two just to make sure everything sticks but then I would tell the parents. I would want their support if we ultimately miscarried. I would try to wait until 12 weeks or so to tell anyone else though.
@heathaah: I agree. If you tell one set of parents, IMO, you have to tell the other.
I would wait until your first doctors appt to tell your mom. Once you hear the heartbeat and the doctor checks that the baby is growing on track, then your chance of miscarriage drops to something like 3%. For us, we had all of that confirmed at 8 weeks, so that would still mean that you could tell your mom before you visit her.
My thoughts I wouldn't tell your mom/friends over skype. I would wait and tell her when you see her. Also if you tell your mom you should tell his.
I am glad we didn't tell our parents or siblings. because my last BFP didn't end well and I wouldn't want to have to explain it to everyone. I did tell my one friend because I needed the support and it was lots of help. But every one is different.
Thank you all so much for your advice! I'm still undecided because one of the main reasons why I want to tell people is for emotional support, in case it doesn't go well. Whereas my DH's reason is only because he's happy and want to spread the news. But I agree, it just wouldn't be fair if I tell my Mom and not tell his parents.
I suppose this is a dilema mostly because the in-laws don't deal well with negative news. I forsee no emotional support from them if it were to go badly, and even if it all goes well, they would very likely stress me out with numerous suggestions. Sadly, their the type of people that believe their way is the only way and look down at others who don't think and act the way they do. (It can be just normal everyday things, they're very judgemental.)
Another problem would be because they don't do ultrasounds until after 10 weeks here and that's when I'll be away. An option would be if I got my ultrasound in the States, and pay out of pocket, but that would be hard to organize without telling my Mom beforehand.
But it is still early, I have a month before we leave so I'll wait a little longer before we tell anyone.
Thanks again!
I told my mom at around 6 weeks (4 hrs away - but I happened to see her that weekend) and my best friend (local) shortly after. I was REALLY sick and it helped having my best friend to 'whine' to as well as my husband :) We told my brother (3 hrs away) around 9 weeks because we stayed with his family over Christmas.
AND... we didn't tell his family until 13 weeks - right before we started telling other folks.
I don't know. This just worked for us. My mom is my best friend in the whole world and I couldn't have not told her. We did make sure everyone we told knew it was a secret and to keep it off social networks and everyone respected that.
I'd suggest waiting maybe a week for the initital excitment to wear off and enjoying it just the two of you and then see how you feel about spreading the news. You'll figure out who your comfortable telling and who'd you'd like to wait a bit. The only 2 options aren't 'right away' or 'at 13 weeks' :)
FYI - We found out thanksgiving morning and my husbands Sister and family came up that day. It was surreal to have just found out yet have to keep it a secret and not talk about it ALL day because of having company. Except for some stolen 'knowing' glances :) I want to SHOUT IT FROM THE ROOFTOPS for sure :)
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Today, I got my first ever BFP at 13DPO on a FRER. We've been trying for almost a year now and we're both over the moon! DH left for work saying he wants to start telling people and so do I, but we both know we should wait.
We're visiting my Mom in about a month and will stay with her over the holidays (for about a month). During our stay I'll be 10-15 weeks along. I'm debating if I should tell her before we arrive, that way she can better plan for our stay. Plus, we live abroad so I really want to just tell someone for support.
The problem is, if I tell people (all living far away), it wouldn't be fair for DH who wants to tell his family (all living closeby). My BFFs and Mom living far away would be Skype call away, emails and some private FB messages, whereas my in-laws we see regularly.
I don't want to stress out. And I hate saying it this way but I want to tell my Mom and very close friends (for support) and don't want to tell my in-laws because I don't think they can provide the same emotional support, and in all honesty, it's possible they'll just stress me out if they knew.
So please, what should I do?