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I voted "I don't know" because I don't think I had enough information to make a decision. I think I would need to be very close to person who was cheated on and know without a shadow of a doubt that the person cheated.
Okay so she propositioned some men, but did anything happen? I wouldn't appreciate if my spouse did that, but I'm not sure if some people would define that as cheating. I didn't vote because for now I don't think there is enough info. Also, the college friend who became upset with you, if they were so worried, why didn't they just say something instead of making you feel like you have to?
If I was close with the guy, I would definitely tell him. A word of warning though: a lot of people "shoot the messenger" when they deliver news like this.
If someone told me my wife had acted that way (of course that would never happen), I would be so embarrassed that I would not go out in public for a few years. So your friend might avoid you if you tell him. Or he might get angry with you, and not believe you.
A lot of it depends on the relationship between your husband and his friend. If it is strong, then it can survive something like this.
I would do it anonymously! Send a typed letter with the details. If he believes or not...is up to him. Like Mr.Bee said...usually is the messenger that gets shot!
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I've been in that situation before (not that uncommon that military guys cheat when away from their wives/husbands). If I know beyond a doubt that it happened, I would tell them. Whether or not they blame you for it, they should still know the truth. But you should always confront the cheater first, tell them you plan on telling their SO about their behavior. This gives them the chance to fess up then you don't have to get stuck in the middle.
Personally I would keep my nose out of it. Even when we witness someone behaving badly, we can never know all the details. By tattling in any form (even anonymously) to the husband, you're working on a few assumptions:
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Like the others, it'd depend on how close a friend the SO was. Like for example, if I was out one night and I saw my best friend's hubby making out with some other woman, I'd of course tell her about it. But if it was just an acquaintance (like if the person was in a class of mine or soemthing)... I would probably mind my own business.
Imagine yourself on the other end of it. If your SigOther was doing this when you were out of sight, Would you want to know?
My answer would be yes.
@V: I think you hit the nail on the head. It needs to be done, but you can do it anonymously. It's definitely an issue that particular couple needs to address.
that's a tough situation. I agree it would probably depend on how close I was to each person. I agree with Miss Pinot Grigio - if this happened to me, I would want someone to tell me.
I'm with Mighty Sapphire - I would confront the cheater/one with the dubious behavior first. This way, it gives them a chance to explain something you might have missed. If I were close to the SO being cheated on I would say: this is your chance to say something to them before I need too. If I wasn't close to them, I would probably keep it to my self.
I think it would depend on the circumstances and how well I know the couple before I could make a decision. It is a touchy subject, and one that I pretty sure I would need to be in before deciding what to do.
It seems like many others are advocating talking to the husband. Well, before/if you do, please talk to the wife first and give her a chance to explain herself. Miss Pinot Grigio mentioned asking yourself if you would want to know if your S.O. had behaved like that at a party. Say that you would. I think most of us would.
Well, ask yourself this too: If you behaved badly at a party, would you want someone who witnessed it to tell your husband behind your back or come talk to you about it first? If it was me I would absolutely want someone to come talk about it to me first.
And I really do not think an anonymous letter is the way to go. The whole reason for bringing this up is to somehow help their relationship. But why be anonymous? To save yourself from potentially getting hurt in a "shoot the messenger" scenario? If this is what you want to do you have to take that risk.
Anonymity serves only to save yourself from harm; it does not help the couple. They would be left speculating, who could have sent this letter, which breeds suspicion and deprives you of the opportunity of a real conversation. Your anonymity would undermine the force of your argument. Who would the husband believe? The wife he loves or some random nobody who saw something at a party? But when words come from a friend, in person, in a caring manner---that argument merits attention. And if you go at all (and there are good arguments for not going), first you must go to the wife, and then, perhaps her husband.
I completely agree with chelseamorning.
Telling the SO without talking to the offender only gets you one side of the story. It also puts you in the position of being the cheating police.
Sending any kind of anonymous letter is juvenile. If you feel strongly enough about a position to stick your nose in it in the first place, you should have enough courage in your convictions to tell people that's how you feel.
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Hi bees,
I have a question for you all. Recently, I was having a conversation with one of my male friends from college- it got me thinking.
If you knew someone's spouse was fooling around on them, would you say something? At our wedding, my husband's friend's wife decided to come to our wedding alone- her husband was out of town. She got incredibly drunk and propsitioned quite a few men.
My husband and I decided it wasn't our place to say anything. My old college friend was at the wedding and asked how everything turned out with her, when I told him we were staying out of it, he became upset. He thought for sure we should have told him.
What would you all do?