- 5 years ago
This is kind of a spin-off of those CBC threads…I want to have kids. I think. I know the pros and cons for each side, but despite that I don’t have baby fever nor do I feel that kids are horribly repulsive. I feel that the pros are exactly equal to the cons. I babysat when I was a teenager and enjoyed it, but maybe because the kids were relatively well-behaved.
Maybe I should clarify a bit more. I probably do want kids, but if I could, I’d love wait at least 10-15 years from now before deciding. Not so bad when you’re 20, but not at my age – early 30’s. I still feel I want to do so much more before having kids. Not to mention finish grad school, get engaged, married and possibly change jobs/start a business. I also want to travel a bit more. Not travel to practically every country, but definitely to a few choice places. From what I hear, Europeans have a more holistic view of parenthood where it doesn’t define you as it does here. For example, a former co-worker from Europe said she has no problem travelling and going to bars with her daughter when she was younger. All I know is that I want to have a few years to enjoy married life child-free. But what if I like it too much and don’t have them and then regret it later when it’s too late to have kids?
I’m sure if/when I have my own, I’ll love them like never before. As the common saying goes, once you have kids you can’t imagine life with them. But once you have them, you can’t go back. And I hear stories from mothers who wish they didn’t have children. I also don’t want my life to be defined by my status as a mother. And I’m scared that I’ll have brats or turn on me or my husband with violence despite giving them a proper upbringing – but maybe I’ve watched too much Dateline…but I also don’t want to be 50 regretting that I never had kids when I was younger.
I don’t mind having children later in life. I’d rather enjoy my (relative) youth child-free than have kids young and only decide to travel at 50+ or during retirement when I’ll be too tired to go anywhere. I’d rather have fun in my youth, By “fun” I don’t mean party. I’m not, nor ever have been, a party girl. I just mean nice lifestyle, plenty of disposable income, being able to pick up and go whenever.
If I married and waited until I was in my late 30’s/early 40’s try TTC and couldn’t get pregnant I would be a little disappointed, I’m not sure I’d be devastated. But then again, as far as I know, I’m fertile and not in that position yet. My mother had my brother – unplanned – when she was in her early 40’s, so I’m hoping the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. I also want biologial children. Adopting isn’t quite on my mind right now. Maybe it will be in the future.
My friend recently got married and her friend told her that although she wasn’t fond of kids, once she had her own, her feelings changed. My SO wants kids(just one or two), and I’m not opposed to having them even if he wanted them more than I do because have a feeling if I do have them, I’d still love them and not regret them. I just don’t feel the need to have kids just to have someone give me unconditional love. Is that why most people have kids? Do many people also have kids to carry on their genes or be “immortal”? IThat was one of my SIL’s reasons for having them. To those who have kids, what is it about being a parent that makes you glad you are one? I just don’t know how much of my decisionto have children is because it’s what’s expected of women in our society. I’d like to think I’m above that.
I’m just curious if anyone went through the same dilemma – who saw the pros and cons of being a parent equally, what choice they made, what was the tipping point on either side, and if they regret (or think they will) the choice they’ve made. I’m looking to get different opinions on the matter…