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I hear girls who changed their name say this all the time and I am just really curious, how is that?
I am so attached, I can't fathom having another name. I have a hard time understanding how you wouldn't be attached to something that has defined you your whole life! I get it if you didn't have a good relationship with your dad or family and now want nothing to do with the name, but for many girls this is not the case and they still don't feel any attachment....
Would love to hear explanations! Thanks!
I just don't like my last name.
-People always mispell it, which is incredibly annoying, esp. considering it is only 4 letters long
-If you change one letter, it turns into an easy insult/embarassing nickname (I learned this in elementary school!)
-I don't feel it represents my heritage at all - it's a German name and I was raised Irish-Catholic
-I barely even know my Dad's family, who all share this name
-It sounds awkward and weird with my first name because there's two R's really close to one another
I'm not sure if i am attached to mine or not. I really like being who I am, but I am also super excited to be Mrs. W. I guess the way I feel is that I like being S.P., and I'm not looking forward to being S.W., but I CAN'T WAIT to be Mrs. W. Does that make sense? I think part of me will be a little sad to be dropping my maiden name, but I also know it will make FH really happy.
I don't know if it's an attachment or the fact that I have always wanted to take my future husband's name. I am sure it will get more harry now that I own my business, I may professionally use my maiden name, but I doubt if that will be a problem because luckily my business is named separately from my personal name. I can understand how and why women who have built a solid reputation have an attachment, for me it's just a name, and I'd much rather have M's last name, I like it better lol!!!
I don't think I'm unattached to my maiden name. It's more that I always wanted to have the same name as my husband. It's going to be hard giving it up - but I hate double barrels and realistically my maiden name is hard enough for people to pronounce now without it being double barrelled.
Of course, that being said, I do plan on keeping my maiden name in a professional capacity so I guess I get the best of both worlds.
For me its a simple matter of numbers. My last name has 9 letters and is a piece of furniture. My FIs has 4 letters and no association other than that of a name. It was easy. Sad? Maybe. True? Yes.
Well, for me, my maiden name was my dad's last name, and my dad walked out on our family when I was little. The very rare occasions he tried to come back into our lives, he was drunk and emotionally abusive. So yeah, I had no attachment to my maiden name whatsoever.
Although, I'm also the kind of person where a name is a name. It doesn't define me or my personality or what I stand for. I changed my name, and I'm the same person I was the day before I filled out the paperwork and got a new license. I also wasn't known professionally by a name (like a lawyer or doctor or realtor can be, for example). Had my dad been a wonderful part of my life, I still would have changed it. I like the feeling of a family unit, and in all honesty, I hate my maiden name because of how it's pronounced. It's very unusual and easy to make jokes about it. But I do not at all judge women who decide to keep their name. We all have that choice, which is awesome.
i definitely like my last name and am attached to it... like you said, it is and has been my identity for the last 27 years. However, being the romantic mush that I am, there is something very special about taking my FI's last name and becoming our own little Mr. & Mrs. "Z". My FI really appreciates that i am taking his last name too.
(i should add that his last name is harder to spell and sooooo much longer than my maiden name.. i will miss my last name no doubt about it! )
I couldn't wait to be free of my last name. I have very painful associations with it on account of some family issues. I wanted a fresh start with a last name I can be proud of.
I don't know if it's that I'm unattached but like others said I want to have the same last name as my husband. Plus my maiden name was sort of unusual and no one could spell it or say it correctly the first time which is frustrating because you say it the way it is written!
For me it's just a name and I've always looked forward to taking my husbands name. At heart I will always be a (maiden name). However, I am going from a name no one has to a name that everyone has! But at least I have a unique first name. Probably the only way I would not have taken my husbands name is if his last was the same as my first.
i am definitely attached to my name, and have grown moreso over the years. however, i intend to change my name. my mom didn't really go by my dad's name, and as a child, it was frustrating that people always called her the wrong name. ever since i was little, i vowed to change my name! several months (about a year into our engagement - now 14 down and 6 to go) i hesitated. name changing is very symbolic and i couldnt fathom "leaving" my family and "joining" his. however, now i see it as us becoming a family together, and sharing a name that our kids will share too. plus, i intend for this to be my name by name for the rest of my life, so soon enough i'm sure it will be no big deal!
I will miss my last name simply because it's the last name I've always had and it's my parents/siblings last name. Other than that good riddance. It's a horrible last name that I get picked on for, people always ask me to spell it even though it is spelled just like it sounds but people don't want to be rude and assume my name is actually what it sounds like. I'm excited to take Mr.M's lovely and not embarrassing last name.
Man, I just wish getting married meant that you get to change your FIRST name...
I think like most of the other answers, it's complicated for me. I have a difficult last name - one that causes people to pause and often make an unwelcome comment. My mother also kept her maiden name and, frankly, I found that confusing as a little kid and my sensitive temperament made me worry that I didn't "belong" to her because we had different last names. Therefore, it was never a question for me that I would change my name once I got married. But...I got married 6 weeks ago and am suddenly dragging my feet. I got over my maiden name embarassment several years ago. It seemed like I woke up one day at 24 and just didn't care what other people thought anymore. I love my husband's last name, but my name represents a group of people who are currently struggling for basic civil rights, and while I am not part of said group, there's a part of me that likes supporting them through my name. Also, I've published several professional papers under my maiden name and would hate to lose the association if I changed. Finally, I am about to receive my MD and since I am the first doctor in my family, there's a point of pride in being "Dr. So-and-so." I think it sends a good message to patients - that one can be happy and tolerant at the same time. (Okay, have I given enough hints about what my last name actually is?)
I am moving my maiden name over to the middle name spot b/c I currently don't have a middle name.
However, even if I HAD a middle name, it wouldn't have bothered me to drop my last name b/c I was raised in a traditional household where that was just the "done" thing. You get married, you take your husband's name...LOL. Everyone I know personally has done it and I don't lose any sleep over the prospect of doing it.
Besides...my dad's first name is similar to mine and we have some of the same companies for service (ie phone) and MY payments have been applied to HIS account a time or 10...LOL...so I am ready for the name change to put an end to all that.
I'm going to be changing my last name for a lot of the same reasons as hotchild. Although, FH's last name is really confusing as well.
One reason I'm changing it though is because I have three older brothers, and we went to the same schools, so by the time I came around, everyone knew my brothers and would call me "Baby [insert my last name]." Horribly irritating. Also, random people walk up to me and say, "Hey, aren't you so-and-so's sister?" And I'm all, "Who the %%%% are you?!"
Huh. It sounds like I want to trade out my family lol
@ appleblossom - Random--FH's name is also a piece of furniture! I tease him that we are both going take my name, to spare our kids but my name's not that much better.
Most people can't pronounce my last name correctly, so I'd rather have my FI's more simple last name. I guess it's just not that big of a deal to me to not have my last name anymore. I'm not very sentimental and I don't hold on to a lot of things...name included!
I actually legally changed my last name about five years ago, and took my mom's last name (her maiden name). If I was getting married and had my old last name, I think I would consider taking my fiance's name. But because my last name is a name I chose for myself, I really don't want to drop it.
On the other hand, my fiance does not have a relationship with his dad or almost anyone that he shares his last name with. I tried to talk him into taking my last name, but our compromise seems to be that we will both hyphenate our last names.
I wouldn't say my last name defines me at all. I love my Dad but I'm much closer to my Mom's side. Given the choice, I'd change it to my mother's maiden name
I hate my maiden name. Kind of like hotchild, I have a super Italian last name & was raised with a more Scot-Irish identity. My name's also difficult to spell and people rarely ever pronounce it properly where FI's is pretty much in the line of Smith and Jones.
If I had a profession where my full name was established (lawyer, Dr, business owner, etc) I would certainly keep my own name - at least professionally. I'm excited to take FI's name, to become a Mrs. ____ to become more of a family unit on our own. I also want to have the same last name as my future children and as a personal preference, I don't want my kid's names to be hyphenated.
I can understand how people might feel the need to keep their name and I respect it - I just don't fall in that category.
I have never met my biological father or his family. My mom remarried when I was only a year old, so my step-father has always been my dad. It always felt weird to me to not have the same last name as my parents, sisters, and extended family. I am really looking forward to sharing the same name as my husband. There is a lack of connection and history to my maiden name, so I do not think I will miss it at all. Plus my new initials backward will be "BEE". : )
To me, it's just a name. I've grown up with the idea that women take their husbands' names when they get married, and I just never had a problem with it. It doesn't make me any less equal in status to a man. Not to me, anyway. I know some people feel differently, and that's fine. If you want to share a last name with someone, one of you has to change. It never bothered me that it would be me. It bothers me that I have to carry children. It bothers me that I have to wash the dishes. Name changes - eh!
For me, a name is a name - it isn't too big of a deal. I am only 21, so I haven't accomplished anything huge with this name (dr, lawyer, etc.) and to be honest, I just don't like my last name. My FI's last name is much simpler, easier to spell and MUCH easier to pronounce!!!
Plus, I've just never thought about not taking my husband's last name - it's always been something I've looked forward to.
I have a fantastic relationship with my father and I like my last name but similar to other poster's I just always knew that I would take my husband's name. I want my kids to have parents with the same name and I am honoured to become a Martin. To me it is the official start of our family together.
My family will always be my family no matter what my last name is but my family with my husband is my priority in life!
@Dizzy, I'm known as "so and so's (grand)daughter"... but I think that's more due to a strong familial resemblance than last names.
I'd say I'm pretty attached to mine.
I'd thought about not changing it, but then I remembered how my parents aren't married, so my mom still has her last name (maybe I should start harassing them... it could be a two-fer! ). When I was younger, I would always get annoyed when people assumed her last name was the same as mine, or when they'd give me crap for her name not being the same.
I like the idea of a family having one name, and I've always been a fan of initial-doors and ornaments and such, so I will most likely change it. But not my signature. BF's last name and my last name are pretty similar typographically, so all I have to do really is change the emphasis on the 'H'.
Though when I was younger, some stupid substitute teacher called me "Herpes". There is no 's' in my last name, and only one 'e', FFS.
my last name is fairly common and well, it seems really stupid, but i used to always say that i couldn't wait to get married so i could change my name because i was so tired of sitting in the front of the class. oh the joys of having an a-last name and alphabetical seating charts. lol. but since i had been telling myself that since, oh i think the 5th grade, i've pretty much conditioned myself to not be soo attached to my last name.
i don't attribute my personality to my last name. all that spunk is embedded in my first name and i get to keep that!
My Father aka sperm donor abandoned us when I was 5 so the opportunity to get rid of his name does not bother me at all even though i think my maiden name flows better than SO's name. I'm looking forward to changing my name.
You don't have to be not-attached to your maiden name to be okay with changing it. I love my maiden name and I changed it to a second middle name at marriage. At first the new last name felt strange, but it grew on me. Now I love them both. I love what it symbolizes (and that it's easy to spell and sounds good with my first name).
More than just attachment determines what choices people make about their names. There is also symbolism, tradition, your ability to deal with change, ease of the name, how it sounds with the rest of your name, what field you work in, whether you have children that share the name....lots of reasons that can outweigh attachment when you decide what name you'll choose.
My last name is kinda silly, and people like to call my by it as some sort of cutesy nickname sometimes...I like it, but I look forward to being taken a bit more seriously (hopefully) with FI's last name. Although his name is very ethnic, and I look quite pale, so it might just be cause for more teasing. We'll see. I'm keeping mine as a second middle. :)
Wow, thanks for all the quick replies! It's very interesting that some people say that the reason they want to change their name is because it's long and hard to pronounce or spell. Mine isn't hard to spell or pronounce if you speak Spanish, but for English speakers it can be very long and confusing! I have to say that is one of the reasons I want to keep it - it is just so symbolic of my growing up in an immigrant family and all the related struggles with finding my identity and a place in the US, and coming to a place where I am at peace with it all... There is just no way I could just get rid of that. I have considered hyphenating after kids but even that is a little traumatizing. And yes I am a professional and all my clients are Spanish speakers so that is another reason...
For me it is simple- I HATE my father with a passion and am thrilled to cut the final tie that I have with him.
I guess I don't feel particularly attached to my maiden name because:
-My paternal grandparents are divorced, grandmother has reverted to her maiden name, and I'm not very close to aunts/uncles/grandfather on dad's side, so it doesn't really feel like it's a big part of my extended family
-It's kind of percussive/forceful sounding, whereas I'm more of a gentle/quiet type
-Women in my family typically change their names and keep the middle, which is usually a great/grandmother's first name, so I've been raised with the assumption that my last name would change one day
I wouldn't say that I am unattached to my last name, after all, it's been with me the last 34 years. It's just that I'm ready for the change. I have a short last name that is really simple, yet people always stop before they say it because they think it should be pronounced differently. I was teased quite a bit about my last name as a child, and while I've had a lot of years to get over it, the memories do stick around. As for my relationship with my dad- well, I love him to pieces and realized my FI has a lot of qualities I admire about my dad. For years I have been a little sad about the fact that my dad and his brothers all have girls, which means the name will end in our family, but so far it hasn't been enough to sway me to keep my maiden name!
I wish that I could make my maiden name a middle name but it has a sort of similar sound as my married name. There are WAY too many Ns between the two of them :(
@Dancy -- I feel the same way! I'm much closer to my mom's family and really wish I had her last name, rather than my father's. Also, her last name is really cool and unique -- if I had hers I might have some serious second thoughts about name change.
@Sage -- I also have grown up with the idea that a woman changes her last name and that's Just The Way It's Done. But it was never in a bad way -- never any attempt to subjugate women. My grandmother was a card-carrying member of NOW, so I come from a pretty progressive family.
For me, it boils down to this: I don't like my maiden name -- it's annoying, hard to spell, doesn't flow with my first name and has that stoopid apostrophe that goofs up every. single. online. account. (Because my bank has me as O'D and amazon doesn't recognize the ' it doesn't match and kicks it back). I also like the idea of being Mrs. HisLastName. I always have -- I was that girl that doodled Mrs. Pitt in my notebooks.
Plus, working in education, it is so. freaking. hard. when you're calling a kid and you have no idea what any parent's last name is. Having a kid named Timmy Smith is no guarantee that mom will be Mrs. Smith or dad will be Mr. Smith. I'm all for the freedom to choose, but as someone who's already phone phobic? Making that phone call home is made of suck.
FWIW, I feel like I've been taking a lot of crap from friends who are agast that I'm taking Mr. Cupcake's last name ... and it's starting to make me cranky. Feminism isn't anti-male, pro-woman ... Feminism is the right to choose -- isn't that what Betty Freidan taught us? And I am choosing to take his last name and happily never get my amazon order rejected ever again.
I think it will be weird to have the new name and I expect my friends/family to call me by my old name for years to come. I do plan to keep my last name at work because I run the family biz with my Dad and Brother so it helps with buisness things to keep it. But socially and legally it will be my FI's name.
As good old Shake says...What's in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet.
I don't have any identity issues wrapped up in my last name, and when FH and I are married, we'll be a team. United in name along with everything else. It's exciting to literally create a new name for yourself. :)
Firstly I can't wait to change mine, I dont like it, it's ugly and often misspelt...I also didn't know my father so there is no connection there. However all that aside, sharing the same name with your partner makes life that much more easier, especially for your children. I have a girlfriend who is a teacher and she says that it gets super confuising when children have different names to there parents.
I just don't like my name all that much. I also don't see it as something that might define me, because I don't really consider it MY name. My maiden name is also my mother's maiden name. I went to court when I was 13 and had my name changed from my father's last name to my mother's last name. So, even though it was empowering to get rid of my father's name, my current name has always just been a name to me.
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