Post # 1
Ok fellow Bees, not only is this m first post but it is a bit of a sombre one. My wedding is still a while away yet (16 months to be fair but who’s counting) and I need some help and advice. I have the dilema of being unable to decide who should walk me down the isle. I have dreamed of getting married for as long as I can remember and my Idea was always the saem.. Due to the absense of abiological Father my Grandfather (Mum’s Dad) was to walk me down the isle as he has plaid such a huge and amazing part in bringing me up, and if heaven forbid he was no longer with us then the next choice was to be my Mum.
Here comes my dilema. In early 2009 my Mum passed away very suddenly followed by her mother. I was heartbroken but my Grandfather, two Uncles (one through marraige) and Aunt were there for me. My Grandfather was so excited and honoured to be walking me down the isle and was already writing his speech…… as much as it breaks my heart to say this he passed away last week and I am left completely devestated and with no clue what to do. Everyone is asking who I will choose.
My options now are my Mother’s Brother, who suffers from very advance MS and can no longer walk, whom I am not overly close with and who did not talk to or respect my Grandfather. My Uncle (Aunt’s Husband), who although he is not blood relative has been an amazing support to me since my Mum died and loves my Fiance, but choosing him would break my other Uncle’s heart. My Brother, who is not very mature despite being 18 and does not make any effort with either myself or my fiance. My cousin who feels uncomfortable doing it. My Aunt as a complete alternative to the male sterotype, although she is very traditional and feels it should be a man. Go it alone which I am terrified of breaking down at the thought of who is missing or have my fiance meet me halfway down the isle. I do like this alternative option but the image in my head of seeing his reaction when he first sees me is pulling me away from it.
Part of me feels that this was my Grandfather’s job and his alone so I am completely lost. Sorry for writing a novel but I am in desperate need of your help!
Post # 3
@Ej88: Personally I would choose the person that you are closest with, and it sounds like its your Uncle. While your mother’s brother might be upset, it sounds like he is not capable of doing it, and he is not close with you. It sounds like your uncle is incredibly supportive and I think thats important. Your brother is also a good option, but it sounds like you would not be very happy with that decision. I don’t think it needs to be a blood relative.
ETA: I forgot to say I’m so sorry for your loss and that you are in this position. And while everyone may be curious about this paticular detail, feel free to politely remind them that you are still in mourning and not ready to make that choice yet. You can say something about needing to mourn your loss before devoting your attention to the wedding, especially since it is still so far away.
Post # 4
I’m so sorry you are going through this. It’s tough. No one can make this decsion for you, but I can tell you how I look at the situation to give you another POV. My dad passed away 4 years ago, and I have no living grandparents. My mom just assumed she would be giving me away but her and I aren’t close so I don’t really think she has the authority to “give me away”.
I finally settled on having my fiance meet me a few steps down the aisle and we will walk together. Here’s why, our wedding day is our first day as a family. He has been the man in my life since my dad has been gone, and he will be the man in my life every day from now on. So who better?
No decision you make wil be wrong. It just matters what makes you happiest.
Post # 5
I would suggest your 2 uncles. I saw plenty of weddings that there were two people walking the bride.
Post # 6
Oh honey I am so sorry. 🙁 That just sucks. No other words for it.
I would for sure say your aunt’s husband – for sure. He’ll be a great support system and you know he’ll always be there for you AFTER the wedding, and it will be a nice memory. In addition to him, you could have your other uncle with you, and depending on how advanced his MS is – your brother could help that uncle, or he could be an usher or something.
I hope it all works out – pls keep us posted.
Post # 7
- Wedding: March 2012 - Father's Vineyard Church/ A Touch of Class Banquet Center
My father passed away in November and my brother is in Afghanistan, and my mother refused. So I had to think long and hard. I considered my step-dad, my grandmother and my uncle. Now that I am about 2 weeks away, I have finally made my decision to walk alone. FI will be meeting me halfway down the aisle, but I think this decision is what was best for my family and me.
Post # 8
((((hugs)))) I’m so sorry you’ve had so much loss during this time in your life 🙁
It sounds like your second uncle (Aunt’s husband) is the one you feel closest to. I also have a thing about your wedding party being people who will support you, your marriage and your family during happy times and sad. It sounds like that uncle is one of those people.
Post # 9
Hi Everyone, Thank you all so much for your help. The past three years have been very hard with the only happiness in the shape of my FI.
I think you are right that my Aunty’s Husband is most ikely the most logical choice, I just fear that what with everything my family has been through it may upset or offend too many people. It is for this reason that I have been considering walking alone, however I fear that I may not be able to get myself down that isle without someone to support me. The day will bring so much happiness at beginning a new life and starting a new family but also sadness at the thought of who is missing. Have any of you walked alone and how did it go? xx
Post # 10
I am so very sorry, hugs.
I haven’t yet walked, but I do know that I will be walking alone.
I know it doesn’t help, but those who are missing will be with you in spirit and in your heart. They will be with you every step of the way.
This might sound weird, and I don’t know how you are decorating your aisle, but some people have put a picture of the couple at the end of the each row of chairs… perhaps you could do the same, but with pictures of those you have lost.
Post # 11
@AubByAub thank you so much for sharing…. We are not really decorating the isle much as the church is stunning as it is and has a lot of detailed work in it… however The song I am walking down the isle to is talking of me telling those that are no longer here that “this is it. No Other Love” and how it can take me anywhere.. and my flower girl will be walking down the isle before me scattering a mixture of white (my flowers) and yellow (my mother’s favourite flowers) rose petals in front of me as I walk. This was originally my FI’s idea before my Granddad passed away to symbolize my mother also walking me down the isle. I have had a brooch that my Grandmother left me added into a custom sash on my dress and I am now adding a small dagger pin, signifying the branch of Marines that my Granddad was in, to it also…. As much as I want to incorporate the people that are missing into our day I am very aware of the fact that there are still family memeber around me (albeit in very short supply) and also I have the new family that are welcoming me with open arms (My FI’s parent;s and family have been an amazing support to me)… And not to forget the fact that this day is about the two of us and our new journey together…. There are so many hard decisions that I never ever expected to be making when I dremed of getting married as I grew up…….
Post # 12
Why not your FI? You could walk half way there by yourself and be escorted the rest of the way. Or, he could meet you at the end of the aisle and walk you all the way up there. You’ll still get your first look moment and you’ll get to be escorted by the person you truly love and care for the most. I think it’s quite romantic.
Post # 13
@ohmybears48: This is exactly what I was going to say, take a few steps at the top of the aisle by yourself and then have your FI come meet you and escort you the rest of the way. No hurt feelings from your family members and I think it would be a very sweet gesture, like showing from here on out he is your rock and the person you can lean on.
Post # 14
@Ej88: I am SO sorry for the sadness you’ve experienced lately 🙁 That is very hard to deal with. Your Aunt’s husband sounds like the most reasonable choice- then you will have the support down the aisle from someone who has had the greatest impact on your life of all the choices, and who you know will be heavily involved in your married life. Best of luck, please keep us updated!