- 4 years ago
- Wedding: November 2013
I think most SO’s have a profound love/relationship for/with eachother that of course, you’ve got thier back- hands down. The question I have is- how far do you take that defense stand against them? Do you allow reason, logic and other people’s feelings to go entirely out the window just because they are your spouse?
I am currently in a bit of “battle” so to speak with my brother-in-law. My sis and I were having a bit of a deisagreement (we have a love-hate relationship)- and when we got through with a conversation, she decided to vent to him. That part, I completely understand. But what happened next has caused some real damage- and I won’t allow him at our wedding until he at least aplogizes. He text me- he was not part of the conversation, he didn’t understand the conversation, and it wasn’t his place to be part of the conversation. I wasn’t attacking my sister, we just weren’t seeing eye-to-eye. He continued to – as much as I don’t want to use this word- “harass” me throught that day. I would not text him back, he would continue to write. He called me names, and went places that weren’t his place because he doesn’t understand.
My sister and I have been able to temporarily put this aside so we can do things for my wedding, but she is defending her husband to the point that she has NO regard for MY feelings as her sister. He verbally attacked me– for no reason that made sense– and my sister agrees that while he may have had an issue with me, he should have found a more constructive way to address it. She feels that I owe him an apology because after hours of verbal assaults, I finally snapped and said that I didn’t like who my sister had become since they’ve been together.
That IS the truth. But I never would have said that had he not attacked me the way he did.
My sister’s defense is: that’s my husband. Of course he’s going to stand up for me.
My viewpoint is: if everyone threw reason, logic, and other important relationships out the window to defend thier spouses in issues they don’t belong in, NO ONE ON THE PLANET WOULD EVER GET ALONG.
I totally understand backing up your spouse. But as I told my FI- if I get YOU to hate on them because I was verbally attacked (it’s not something I need to convince anyone of – I have the text proof)- then you’d hate him, he’d hate me, and our family wouldn’t be much a family anymore. To me, if you value your relationship with the other person (for example- if my sister values her relationship with ME as her SISTER)- she will draw a line. This doesn’t mean she has to be against her husband. But can she not identify with how hurt I am or how out of line her husband was?