To Young For Marriage??

posted 2 years ago in Beehive
Post # 2
1287 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

dmrl88:  Your post title states you are seeking an opinion on the matter, so my opinion is as follows:  Yes, I believe you are too young.  I believe that having your heart broken at 14/15 is a rite of passage many 14/15 year olds go thru, without ever truly knowing what heart break means.  You are 17, and getting married at 18 – a mere 18 months after meeting someone.  At 29 years of age, I met my now DH, and we got married 3.5 years later, and that was because we were constantly learning about each other throughout that time; moving in together, discovering ourselves in the relationship, etc.  This is after discovering who we are outside of the relationship, which took me many, many years to acquire!

Does this mean I did it ‘right’?!  Nope.  I believe age is a number, and there are many success stories of marriages at all different ages.  However, I do believe that with age comes wisdom, and life lessons/experiences.  

My fear for you in all of this is that you are entering into a lifetime commitment based upon ‘how different’ this love feels from that when you were 14!  I had ‘heart break’ at 14, and then I seriously dated someone at 17 – 20 years of age.  We grew up, and grew apart.  THAT WAS a terrible heart break.  Then, I met someone, and dated him for 3 years (the guy I THOUGHT I was going to marry).  He ended it, and that was far worse than the heart breaks beforehand.  Do you get where I am going with this?!

TAKE YOUR TIME!!  ENJOY THE RELATIONSHIP.  But, I promise you, there is no rush to get married.  If this is meant to be, it will be!

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 3 months ago by  OUgal0004.
Post # 3
5208 posts
Bee Keeper

dmrl88:  I don’t think you are too young to love someone. I do think you are too young to make that kind of commitment. At 17, you still have a lot of changes you are going to go through as a person. You will not be the same person at 27 that you are now at 17. Why is there a rush to get married? 

Post # 4
667 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June, 2014

dmrl88:  every relationship is different. I fell in love with my husband when I was 13. That being said, we waited til we both had established careers before we got married. Personally I think 18 and a year and a half long relationship is a bit early to consider marriage. At that age, most people haven’t really experienced life and its challenges, they don’t know what they’re getting into. 

My advice to you is to wait til you’ve graduated college. Or at least get a couple years in college under your belt before getting married. You’ll be amazed by how you will change and develop on the college years. And you’ll meet new people too! 

You’re young… very young. I say live your life for awhile before permanently attaching it to someone else’s. But ultimately it’s your life and your decision. All I can do is offer my best advice and thoughts. 

Post # 5
347 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

dmrl88:  A lot of people will say you are definitely too young for marriage.

All I will say is this – don’t go into marriage expecting it to be a bed of roses. There will be really tough times, times you wonder why you’re doing it and how you’ll get through. Communication is key. Make sure you are 100% honest with each other. Your spouse is your number 1 priority, and your number 1 fan. Make sure you treat them right, show them you care, and make sure they know how much you love them.

Marriage is a tough road to take – I don’t believe anyone is ‘ready’ for marriage at any particular age. Take all advice with a pinch of salt, and taking your experiences and lifestyle into consideration. My mum was married at 17 and dad was 21, and they are still happily married 35 years later. I have friends who got married at 30 and divorced after less than a year. I don’t believe age has much to do with it, but emotional maturity does, and only you can honestly judge if you are both ready to get married. I might suggest that if you have any major doubts, then you might not be ready.

You will spend your life getting to know your partner, don’t expect to know everything about them now. Getting married young also means you will go through a substantial period of growing up and changing together (and independantly). Be aware of this, and expect the relationship dynamics to change over the next 5-10 years. Be open to change, and embrace emotional developments between you.

I wish you all the love and happiness in the world, and hope that you and your husband-to-be are truly happy together, and that all works out for the best.

Post # 6
2419 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Truly, I think if you have to ask the question then actually, you probably ARE too young to get married. That’s not to say you aren’t in a relationship that will lead to marriage. But you have the rest of your life in front of you and don’t have to rush into marriage just yet. You will both change as you mature and may well be quite different people by the time you are in your mid-20s. You got together when you were, if you’ll pardon the expression, barely legal, so marriage can be a daunting challenge to cope with on all levels when you are so young. 

I know that if either of my grown-up children had wanted to marry at your age I’d have asked them to think very seriously indeed about whether this was the right step to take right then. Is there any reason why you have to rush into marriage just yet?

Post # 7
5793 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

What are your finances like? Since money problems are at the root of so many divorces, it’s probably wise to wait till you’re both established in a career or a long-term job and have firm financial footing.  Supporting yourself or barely scraping by isn’t firm financial footing. Can you afford to pay the rent if one or both of you are out of work for 90 days? What will you do if you need $2500 in unexpected car repairs? 


Post # 8
75 posts
Worker bee

Bridey77:This x10000000.

OP, I’ve been with my SO at 17, and have been with him at 27 (Been together over a decade straight). Let me tell you you will change so much. So much. We have weathered it together, and are planning on engagement and marriage soon, but wow I never knew how we would both change. Our relationship has been the most rewarding and challenging thing in my entire life.

Thats what you will in all likelihood be facing in the coming years. Perhaps marriage will work, or it won’t (not my place to judge your personal situation), but be prepared for perhaps fundamental changes in your future spouse as you both still have significant growth to go through In your 20s.

Post # 9
8510 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

If you have to ask, then yes, you’re too young.  You can definitely love someone at 17, but you’re too young to make that commitment.  There is no good reason to rush into marriage, but plenty of good reasons to wait.

Post # 10
1649 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I think you’re too young for marriage, not love. 

FI and I started dating when I was 17 but we had known each other well for four years prior. I got engaged at 18 but we are having a long engagement, mainly to make sure we can support ourselves entirely before we get married. That means finishing school and/or getting a well-paying job, paying off our debts, etc.

I’m 20 now and we are thinking of doing our legal marriage soon and I can safely say I’m glad I didn’t do it any earlier. I would have had so many doubts. But we have grown together for four years now and can safely say we are ready to make that commitment. 

Marriage is quite glamourized. It’s nothing like what it is in the movies/magazines/books, etc. I would advise you to take some more time to map out your life. Where I thought I would be at 20 was radically different than what actually happened. 

So coming from someone who was in a similar situation to you, please take at least a year or two to think it over. I know you think you’re ready now but you may not be. 

Post # 11
220 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

dmrl88:  I started dating my FI right when I turned 18 (he was a few months shy of 18).  We knew we wanted to get married very early on.  We had quite a few serious conversations about it, especially about when.  We decided that even though we knew we wanted to be together, we didn’t want to deal with other people’s judgement about it, and we knew we would be doing a lot of growing up in the coming years.  We also were getting ready to be in a LDR for college.  We decided that we would wait at least until senior year of college to get engaged and after college to get married. Fast forward – we got engaged at 24 years old (so a few years after college), and are getting married later this month (18 month engagement).  We have grown up together duing these last 8 years – both of us have changed.  We have always treated our relationship as a top priority, almost as though we were married.

I am happy that we chose to wait to get married.  I do not feel any doubt at all about marrying my FI now because we have such a long, solid foundation.  I know we will continue to change, but I feel confident in us changing together and working through hard times because we already have.

I think that the fact that you began this thread is a sign that you should wait to actually get married.  I would highly reccommend setting a time a few years down the road with your SO that you will start thinking about marriage again and for now work on developing your relationship, going to college, and just learning about life after highschool without the pressure of marriage.

Post # 12
188 posts
Blushing bee

do you want to be married? or do you just want a wedding?

marriage is so much more than just a wedding and happily ever after. no, it takes work and effort. it’s stressful. it’s hard. 

Post # 13
1201 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: A very pretty church.

dmrl88:  Everyone’s situation is different, but how you describe your feelings for your fiancé at 17 is just how I felt about my boyfriend at your age. He was everything I has ever hoped for, exactly right, it was so perfect it was spooky…then it was over. It was funny, because I thought I had already had my heart broken earlier …little did I know!

Most people on here will tell you that you are too young. I wouldn’t say that, how could I know? What I would ask is “Why the rush to do this so soon?”, I’m in my mid 20s and have been with my fiancé for 3.5 years (we got engaged 6 months ago). I would never have embarked on a relationship (at my age, lol) if I didn’t think he was marriage material, but that doesn’t mean there’s any rush to seal this deal. 

Perhaps consider premarital counselling? Either through your faith or a secular place that supports relationships? This can be great opportunity to find points of agreement and difference that you guys (and many couples older than yourselves) haven’t yet discussed and should be aware of going into this lifelong commitment. It may also equip you with tools that will help the relationship flourish past the first bloom of love. Additionally it may help you answer your own question (which no one here can really answer for you).

Post # 14
2791 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - Walnut Hill Bed & Breakfast

I think you’re young. What’s the rush? Is there a reason you want to jump into it so quickly? 

I think you should both at least finish high school before even talking about it. Most relationships end around the 2 year mark from my experience… so I wouldn’t even consider it until you’ve passed that point, especially at your age.

I found “the one” at your age too. We dated for 2 years and both went off to college and ended up breaking up. I was his first girlfriend and he wanted to have fun. We dated other people and changed a lot… 5 years ago we got back together and now he bought my ring (I’m 27 and he’s 25).  

I find it really hard to beleive that you could be fincially stable at your age, especially if you plan to go to college. Look into what you want (house? rent?) and make sure you factor in ALL the costs to be sure before you go for it. (food, electric, phone, cable/internet, college, books, clothes, fun money) You also need to be prepared for emergencies.  

Personally I think you should just enjoy your time dating together. Start saving money for your future. Focus on school. Have fun with your friends. If you’re meant to be together he’ll still be there in 4 years. 

Post # 15
151 posts
Blushing bee

dmrl88:  I am a decade older than you and I still think *I’m* too young for marriage.  I love my bf dearly and I hope we spend the rest of our lives together, but I don’t feel any rush to make it legally binding.  At 17, it is extremely likely that your and your boyfriends life goals will both change, probably many times over the next 10 years or so (or more).  


What if you decide you want to live abroad and he doesn’t? What if he decides he never wants children and you do? What if it turns out you just have different expectations about how you want your relationship to work?  Those are all things that can happen at any time in your life really, but at 17,  it’s all but guaranteed.  And if you do both grow and change in ways that are compatible, that’s great.  Make it official later on when you’re fairly confident that you know each other and yourselves and what you want out of life.  There is no reason to rush into that right now.

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 3 months ago by  junkbee.
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