(Closed) Toast by Groom?

posted 7 years ago in Reception
Post # 3
Member
1371 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Where I’m from, this is actually the norm.  It is traditional for the groom to give a toast thanking the guests (and often the parents, etc).  Most weddings I’ve been to have made it more contemporary and had both the bride and groom give a toast together, which is what we did.  I’ve had the opposite experience to you – every wedding I’ve attended has had either a groom toast or both the bride and groom toast.

I understand what you’re saying about being tired and stressed, but I personally think it is polite and courteous to thank your guests and those who contributed to your wedding.  We thanked our wedding party and our parents.  We also thanked the guests that attended.  You don’t need to make it a big, long or fancy speech.  Why not just have a quick speech saying, “Thank you all for coming.  We’ve had a wonderful time.  Thanks to our parents for hosting.  We’re really excited to be married and hope you continue to support us in our marriage.”  Then you please your mom, make your guests feel special, but the stress of a major speech is avoided.

Post # 4
Member
1267 posts
Bumble bee

I’ve worked a ton of weddings and also been in/to a bunch.  I’ve never heard of a groom doing a toast at the wedding.  I have, however, heard a groom toasting to thank everyone at the rehearsal dinner.

Post # 5
Member
1920 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I think its customary for bride and groom to give a speech. I wouldn’t say so much a “toast”. But I think its nice to just give a quick thank you to everyone for attending and those that helped you out. Doesn’t have to be long but it is nice for sure.

Post # 6
Member
1267 posts
Bumble bee

Here’s that regional thing again, lol!  OP – you should ask Arizona brides what’s typical there….

Post # 7
Member
1126 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

My FI doesn’t like public speaking, so he’s going to give a toast at the rehearsal dinner and I’m going to talk at the wedding.  I don’t know how common it is, but I figure if everyone is coming to this huge event in my honor, I’m certainly going to stand up and say thank you.  I don’t think it needs to be a big deal, just a quick speech thanking everyone for coming, thanking your parents for hosting, and saying how much it means to you that everyone wanted to be part of your special day.

It doesn’t seem like that big of a deal to me.  Even if your parents have been driving you crazy, you can still be the bigger person and be gracious and appreciative for the help they’ve given.

Post # 8
Member
642 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

@Brianalaura: I second your post!  The weddings I’ve attended usually have the groom or bride and groom say a little something.  It’s not usually as drawn out as the bestman/MOH toasts/speeches, but a little thanks to the guests and anyone who financially helped (or family who lent their time helping) with the wedding should be acknowledged.  We definitely plan on saying our “thank you’s” together, but I also think my groom is planning a speech entirely on his own.

Post # 9
Member
7175 posts
Busy Beekeeper

I think it’s been done at most weddings I’ve been to (easy 20+ weddings).  

We did a thank you toast to everyone for coming.  I started it off and DH concluded.  He didn’t toast me 🙁 but he did toast his guests and his mom.  I never toasted my family – we paid for everything – so no need to thank in that respect.  I usually see it happening right before the cake (or right after) – when everyone’s attention is on the couple.  It’s more common for the groom to toast (and not the bride), but i think it’s more because the bride was too nervous to do any public speaking.  I think it’s sweet when it’s both.

I think if it’s really important to your mom – it should be done.

Post # 10
Member
251 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

We didn’t think too much about writting anything formal but DH and I did give a joint toast thanking both of our families and everyone for coming. The main point of our speech was announcing that the next day was my parent’s 29th anniversary and then we invited them to the dance floor and surprised them by playing their first dance song they had at their wedding 🙂

I personally like hearing from the bride and groom but you should do what you are comfortable with.

Post # 12
Member
3982 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

There is no way we are planning a toast on our wedding day! Now, I do plan on toasting our parents and BP atthe rehearsal dinner to thank them and I figured that was customary. Maybe do that. It can even be an unplanned toast where you just make sure to thank them for their help. Toasting ON your wedding day? No. Like you said, you have a million and one other things to worry about and will be too exausted to worry about a toast.

Post # 13
Member
197 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I’ve never been to a wedding where the bride or groom gave a speech. But I’m from the east….so i don’t know. Maybe we are rude??? I think it’s more typical for the thank you’s to be given at the rehearsal dinner, at least in my experience. That’s what we are planning to do at least. We did put a special thank you to our guests and especially to our parents in the programs though. Maybe you could compromise and do something like that?

Post # 14
Member
150 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

I have to be honest and say I love when the bride and groom toast the parents (and their guest). I have been to over 23 wedding in the past 2 years and (I think) 17 brides/grooms gave a toast and/or a speech during their reception. It is actually my second favorite part of the reception (behind the first dance and music/dancing).

I love watching the parents as their children say their heartfelt thank yous – it is a touching moment. My husband and I toasted our families and friends and we are NOT big on public speaking (and we had over 300 guests). We felt it was important to acknowledge the support and love we felt from our parents.

Personally, I believe with all my heart that my wedding was “bigger” than “my day”. It was about the blending of families and loved ones. This might be just my perspective through my own cultural lens, but I truly feel that the wedding day isn’t JUST about the bride and groom (please don’t take offense fellow bees who do believe this…), it is also a very special chance to honor those you have helped bring you to this point in your life. 

Post # 15
Member
1920 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I had no idea before this thread that it was a regional thing. I really couldn’t imagine being too exhausted to stand up for two minutes and thank my guests for coming. In my opinion its just the gracious thing to do as the host.

Post # 16
Member
7175 posts
Busy Beekeeper

@MBSyal: To answer you question about what’s the point – the point is doing it because it’s important enough to them to get upset over it.  If they typically get upset over things, then that’s another case.  But, I find –  most people, if they are generally understanding and they show extreme emotion about something  – it’s because it’s very important to them (even if you don’t think it’s a big deal).  Is it annoying that they asked in that way? – of course!  And, if you can’t do it and have it be heartfelt, then I also don’t see the point of just going through the motions and having it be super fake.  It sounds like your FI has put his foot down on the subject, because of the strained relationship he has with your parents.  But, I still believe he should be able to publicly show gratitude to his FIL’s for hosting his wedding and for giving him the gift of you – even more so because it would mean a lot to them.  I guess I don’t see this as the hill to die on.  Again – I think your mom flipping out about it is a little extreme – but perhaps things will change as you get closer to the wedding (meaning, there may be more gratitude naturally flowing).  Best of luck to you!

The topic ‘Toast by Groom?’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors